I am focusing on me

I am focusing on me

I am NOT seeking a relationship for a while.

• I cannot find someone patient enough to truly get me, this does NOT just happen over night.
• I am NOT seeking an online wannabe relationship thing. (I have very weak wifi, my landlord is cheap and thinks a basic house modem can deal with more than ten devices. We have at least four running in our place alone. I also have NO privacy. I will NOT give my messengers or phone number just after one message or one day of messaging. I have learned my lesson. That just means I am dealing with impatient person. One word comes to mind catfish.)
• I think I do not have someone else yet is that I do not want to put my health issues on anyone else.
• I feel there is needs to be some kind of physical intimacy in a relationship. (I’m not asexual or grey sexual at the moment by choice.)
• I am not sure if I am truly over my ex as I keep comparing others to him and most do not add up (there is also a fear of getting hurt again. I know I am strong, but I am still working on the heal process. I do not think I can take another blow.)

I need to focus on my health issues.
• Currently my sleep patterns are off ( my cpap machine not really helping completely yet, I’m still very tired, low energy and easily cranky.)
• I have a rash from the location I am in (the cheap paint and some of the bleach products that they use).
• My emotional issues (hyper, sad, angry, bouncy. . . uncontrolled mood swings and hormonal issues), and my female pains (taking sexual intimacy off the table. Which honestly sucks).

I may take time off the personal sites for a while as there is no connection, no real relationship. I think I need to rewrite my profile because I keep getting guys against my deal-breakers. Some just want instant direction because they just do not want to control their own lives anymore and others just want to sexual please someone. . . I am NOT seeking either.

I think the best for me is to find friends who I truly connect with.
I rather have fun with friends some dinners, karaoke parties, card or board games, cuddles with movies, and if there is that submissive-yet-more-than-friends connections I get with someone, awesome. If not, I am still happy with who I am.

If you want to be friends, awesome. If not then I hope you find the dominant or the kinky girlfriend you need. (Note: if you are into a relationship, please let your partner know that you have friends. I will NOT be a secret.)

So I’m focusing on myself: my health and what makes me happy!

Online Dating- Eh!

First of I am a bbw. . .Big Beautiful Woman. I am not a model or superstar. I am a writer who loves to cook, bake, cats, cuddle, and movies.

Secondly, I consider myself a D.U.F.F . . . most peoples designated ugly fat friend. . . I’m not ugly, but my truthful words can be. I rarely drink (its over a year) so I’m the sober friend that will tell you exactly how it is and most people are afraid to face it. (This one guy asked me why did he kept getting cheated on. . . he had a nice job and he was a too trusting guy. . the mean girls made him feel sexy, but they just used him for flirty money or a ride while they fuck a bad boys. I told him, they see a nice and they will use him. I also told him that he needed to find a nice yet creative girl; someone who likes to roleplay so she could pretend to be the mean girl. . .last I heard he was married 5 years now with two kids.)

I was in a relationship with a creative geek, and I’m seeking another, locally. Someone totally into me and can calm me down when I get anxious and nervous. Someone who let’s me call the shots, but I still feel safe with.

I’ve tried plenty of fish, match, Eharmony, OkCupid etc.

Okcupid— If I didn’t mention something sexual, my profile barely got looked at. I’ve dealt with drunken horn-dogs and forgeign guys asking me to marry them for visas. The owners of this site did get better with finding those and created selective searches which helped. However the horn-dogs are still on their.

Match— its nice for the first 5 days while you have a platinum trial, but after then, its like they push to buy silver pack or gold pack you need to see more like if Joe B. likes you. I’ve seen sites say you have three admirers, but you must pay in order to see them. When did love cost so much? Isn’t greedy to put a price on your heart? I guess love really is a luxury. If I had 29.95 per month, I wouldn’t put it on a “what if Joe B.gets my four line email.”. . . I can put it on groceries, a pet, gas, bills, movies, save for a vacation etc.

Craig’s list— I did try this a few times. I met one guy and found a lot of horny catfish. The one guy complained about everything, but he could have whatever he wanted. . . but nothing made him happy. I hope he finds happiness. (Note: there was too many illegal things going on with the sex trade, so they closed their personals.)

Plenty of fish were full of the wannabe busy bad boy who just wanted a good time instead of a relationship. I probably sent 6 dozen messages, but I rarely got a message back. When I did, I got called names like pig, cow, fuggly bitch etc. Or I would get messages from married men wanting a secret relationship or I even caught a few catfish. (They complain that their wives or girlfriends didn’t want sex since the baby was born, but I never those guys helping their partner take care of the kids or get a family member to watch while they a nice hotel for relaxation and rest. Pamper and romance your girls, damnit!)

Eharmony— I failed their test twice. They claim that only happens to like 7% but I think its more. I read this article, and its happened more than not. . .

“How Do You Get Rejected By Eharmony? Start By Telling the Truth.”

Susan Isaacs

http://storylineblog.com/2013/08/07/how-do-you-get-rejected-by-eharmony-start-by-telling-the-truth/

Eharmony christian robots are a very small group.

(Note: I’ve tried other Christian sites, and as much as I believe in Jesus Christ, I have many other beliefs which clash with many beliefs of the stricter Christian churches. For example, I believe in women dominants as much as men, and that charity is like pass it forward, help those in need, you don’t just have to work through a Church for it to count. Jesus did most of his ministry in the streets. So Christian sites don’t work for me. I will post a future blog getting more into this.)

However Eharmony and this lovely lady’s article inspired me.

Eharmony used to ask like 100-200 questions in 24-25 different sections of your daily life. . . I researched this, and I will explain on this sections and such throughout the month of August.

I got rejected twice so this way I can still get my answers out.

Please do not think, I am telling not to try online dating, but it has been more frustrating than hopeful for me.

This is strictly coming a bigger set female hopeful to find other people in the world who understand her. I’m not even seeking love at the moment.

Finding a Guy

After my semi vanilla relations, (Oct to Dec (2017)) . . . I’ve learned I cannot not go vanilla, but I do want to date and cuddle.

I want a positive, ambitious submissive boyfriend. (I do not want a mindless drone or a complainer.)

However I’m slowly learning that life or fate will never put you in the wrong spot. I learned I need to let life do it’s thing. I should not push because I feel desperately lonely.

I’ve learned life will put in me in the right place, at the right time, even if I’m confused in the present.

I just need to do my thing and Mr. Right will be there when I probably least expect it.

Meanwhile I should enjoy my life: good writing, good family, and good friends.

I just to realize I will find that genuine people that I’m into, but they are not into me. I’m not everyone’s favorite soda-pop or cup of tea.

I simply need to move on and focus and believe life knows what it is doing.

My Short Stories

I’m writing Short Stories.

I put my feelings in each one. These are flash fiction but very personal. In the last few year my heart and soul shattered, each of these pieces are my a piece of shattered heart and soul.

I hope to find myself and piece myself together.

I’m posting them on my Short Story blog. . .

Rebekah Quinne Short Stories

Being on best behavior

When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior. 

1. No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
2. I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
3. No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
4. Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
5. Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
6. Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite) 
7. No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
8. Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.) 
9. Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
10. Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)

I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me. 

I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have. 

My Favorite Celebrities

My Current Favorite Male Celebrities

 

1. Jamie Dornan                                                             (Actor/Model)
2. Marcel Vigneron                (TV Chef)
3. James O’Halloran                (price is right model)
4. Gabriel Mann                (director, actor)
5. Jonathan Brandis (director, actor, writer, RIP)
6. Taylor Hanson (Musician, actor)
7. Zak Bagans (Ghost Adventures host)
8. Robin Williams (Actor, comedian, RIP)
9. Nicolas Cage (Actor, producer)
10. Kevin Love (Basketball player)

 

Honorable Mentions

11. Jensen Ackles (Actor, director, musician)
12. Jared Palacki (Actor)
13. Ryan Gosling (Actor, musician)
14. Neil Patrick Harris (Actor, musician)
15. Paul Walker (Actor, RIP)
16. Health Ledger (Actor, RIP)
17. Jeese Spencer (actor)
18. Nev Schulman (Catfish host)
19. Wayne Brandy (Host, actor, musician)
20. The Rock (WWE wrestler, actor)
21. Michael Simon (host,   American Iron chef)
22. Hugh Laurie (Actor, musician)
23. Jack Black (Actor, musician)
24. Stephen King (Author, actor)
25. Tom Hanks (producer, actor)

Just because they are not on this list, there are a many male celebrities I would star struck with if I met them.

 

My Current favorite Female celebrities.

 

I am more drawn to men, so that is why this list is shorter. Hollywood makes women seek so picky, b*tchy and fake to me. The ones that make the list seem very real to me.

1. Kat Dennings (Actress)
2. Alex Guarnaschelli (Host, American Iron Chef)
3. Anne Rice (Author)
4. Kate Winslet (Actress)
5. Rachel Ray (Host, chef)
6. L. James (Author)
7. Emma Stone (Actress, Musician)
8. Kari Byron (Sciencist, Co Host Myth Busters)
9. Katy Perry (Musicians)
10. Emily VanCamp (Actress)

 

Honorable mentions

11. Cat Cora (American Iron Chef)
12. Kirsten Dunst (Model/Actress)
13. Taylor Swift (Musician)
14. Carla (Host, chef)
15. Shannon Woodard (Actress)
16. Angelina Jolie (Actress, producer)

2017 things I want. . .

It’s been ten years and I have noticed a lot of thing have changed in who I am and what I want.

This is my list from 2007

 

2007 in THINGS I HAVE WANTED TO DO (INNOCENT AND GUILTY):

• Have my own place.
• Have my own car. (Note: Paid and manage by me. Not a hand me down.)

(How can I have my own car when I freak out behind the wheel?)

• Have a “rainy day” stash of money
• Buy something I can wear that’s designer

(Really? I’ve never gone after something designer. In fact, I cannot stand dressing up and heels.)

• Have sex outside

(I have a list on my naughty blog. I really do not like outside, especially with my sinuses.)

• Wake up to a guy kissing me
• Have a guy spoil me with nothing sexual in return
• Be romanced (Candle light, bath, flowers dancing etc.)
• Tickle and cuddle with a guy without sexual tension
• Continued to be romanced

(I never believed that I deserved to be romanced and swept off my feet, but with Tom had a few really nice moments.)

• Write another stage play
• Finish at least 3 out of 10 of my scripts within the year
• Publish at least one novel under my own

(11 to 13, I’m still working on my writing, but I have learned that it is a process.)

• Publish a book of poetry It’s now smash words
• Manage a credit card for one year and keep good credit
• Fine a guy who fits my personality (someone who can put up with me) (RIP Tom)
• Have someone throw me a surprise party (preferably on my Birthday) (Worst wish ever)
• Go to Disney World or Land with my boyfriend (before marriage or kids of my own, so I can still act like a kid.)
• Get the guts to sky dive
• Sky dive

(19 & 20 I’m not sure what I was thinking when making this list, but not common sense.)

• Have a friendship with a guy and have it turn into a relationship without it ruining the friendship
• Get my scripts put on the “big screen”
• Have a guy who looks attractive like me for me
• Learn patience
• Learn independence

(23 & 24 I’ve learned I need people in my life and I am not a patient person and I do not want to be. Why would I ask for that?)

• To bake for my boyfriend (For Health reasons.)
• To go on birth control
• Not to have kids until I’m at least 29
• Find a guy my age for an activity partner: Movies, music, darts, bowling, putt-putt
• To score at least 200 in a game of bowling

(Now that is a laugh. I have bowled probably like 5 times in the last ten years, unless you count wii bowling and I have over 200 with wii bowling.)

• To find a guy who will take care of me when I’m sick
• Learn self-control
• Learn self-discipline
• Learn self-motivation
• Be financially secure

(32 to 35 I just want to be able to be constant with my writing and eventually make a profit with my written artwork.)

 

2017 What I want now

 

1. No kids, I want at least two cats
2. Poly house
3. To make money on my writings
4. To finish and publish my writings
5. To have my own agent and editor
6. To have my own place with a nice kitchen and my own office
7. I want to be able t dine out at least once a week
8. Once I get a guy, I want a constant date per week.
9. Indoor picnic
10. More cuddling
11. Breakfast in bed
12. More massages
13. More hours of soaking in the tub
14. To know my mom and brother are taken care of
15. Constant encouragement

 

Deal Breakers

Deal breakers

• Cat Haters 
• Smokers
• Kids
• Extreme pain
• Abusive tempers
• And biggest one liars 

 

I cannot handle liars and the Internet is full of them. 

Doms pretending to be a sub so they wrestle another dom for a power struggle. . . It’s like a secret turn on to them. 

Catfishing pretending to be someone else. . . Fake pics, fake facts, why are you doing this?

Saying you’re single when you have a girlfriend or wife and kids.  (I’M seeking a submissive boyfriend, I want your entire attention. I will not be second rate or just a play toy.)

 

If you are any of those, please leave me alone. 

 

Chatting games

I try not to play the “hard to get” chatting games. 

I’m trying to be more open in the dating pool, but I know what I want and yet the doors are current closed. 

So I chat, but then guy gets aggressive even at my polite pushing away. 

• “I’m not into your interests.“
• “I need to go to bed”
• “We don’t live close, I’m seeking someone local. “
• “I do not want just a chat, I want a real life relationship.”

 If I tell exactly how I see it, I sound like a b*tch. 

• “I see us talking online, but then you will lie or be aggressive about something you really want and make me uncomfortable.” (Pusher)
• “You’ll talk to me try to get pic and get off or I say no and you go on the the next easy chatter. You won’t chat again or if you do you ask for more pics.” (Pic weasel because the term I want to use is not nice)
• “We chat for a few days, until either one say that is deal breaker ” (delayed dealbreaker I ask my deal breaking issues on chat 1.)
• Chat, one date,  no call (fearful brats)

I want a text, chat to continue after the first date, and then second and a third date etc. 

If I don’t think we are going to be at least friends, then why are we even chatting? 

What I want right now (3am)

I want to be with my dream guy who is giddy over me and is snuggling in bed, I’m the small spoon. He has his arms around me and everything is alright.