After my semi vanilla relations, (Oct to Dec (2017)) . . . I’ve learned I cannot not go vanilla, but I do want to date and cuddle.
I want a positive, ambitious submissive boyfriend. (I do not want a mindless drone or a complainer.)
However I’m slowly learning that life or fate will never put you in the wrong spot. I learned I need to let life do it’s thing. I should not push because I feel desperately lonely.
I’ve learned life will put in me in the right place, at the right time, even if I’m confused in the present.
I just need to do my thing and Mr. Right will be there when I probably least expect it.
Meanwhile I should enjoy my life: good writing, good family, and good friends.
I just to realize I will find that genuine people that I’m into, but they are not into me. I’m not everyone’s favorite soda-pop or cup of tea.
I simply need to move on and focus and believe life knows what it is doing.
I’m writing Short Stories.
I put my feelings in each one. These are flash fiction but very personal. In the last few year my heart and soul shattered, each of these pieces are my a piece of shattered heart and soul.
I hope to find myself and piece myself together.
I’m posting them on my Short Story blog. . .
Rebekah Quinne Short Stories
When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior.
- No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
- I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
- No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
- Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
- Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
- Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite)
- No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
- Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.)
- Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
- Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)
I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me.
I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have.
My Current Favorite Male Celebrities
- Jamie Dornan (Actor/Model)
- Marcel Vigneron (TV Chef)
- James O’Halloran (price is right model)
- Gabriel Mann (director, actor)
- Jonathan Brandis (director, actor, writer, RIP)
- Taylor Hanson (Musician, actor)
- Zak Bagans (Ghost Adventures host)
- Robin Williams (Actor, comedian, RIP)
- Nicolas Cage (Actor, producer)
- Kevin Love (Basketball player)
- Jensen Ackles (Actor, director, musician)
- Jared Palacki (Actor)
- Ryan Gosling (Actor, musician)
- Neil Patrick Harris (Actor, musician)
- Paul Walker (Actor, RIP)
- Health Ledger (Actor, RIP)
- Jeese Spencer (actor)
- Nev Schulman (Catfish host)
- Wayne Brandy (Host, actor, musician)
- The Rock (WWE wrestler, actor)
- Michael Simon (host, American Iron chef)
- Hugh Laurie (Actor, musician)
- Jack Black (Actor, musician)
- Stephen King (Author, actor)
- Tom Hanks (producer, actor)
Just because they are not on this list, there are a many male celebrities I would star struck with if I met them.
My Current favorite Female celebrities.
I am more drawn to men, so that is why this list is shorter. Hollywood makes women seek so picky, b*tchy and fake to me. The ones that make the list seem very real to me.
- Kat Dennings (Actress)
- Alex Guarnaschelli (Host, American Iron Chef)
- Anne Rice (Author)
- Kate Winslet (Actress)
- Rachel Ray (Host, chef)
- L. James (Author)
- Emma Stone (Actress, Musician)
- Kari Byron (Sciencist, Co Host Myth Busters)
- Katy Perry (Musicians)
- Emily VanCamp (Actress)
- Cat Cora (American Iron Chef)
- Kirsten Dunst (Model/Actress)
- Taylor Swift (Musician)
- Carla (Host, chef)
- Shannon Woodard (Actress)
- Angelina Jolie (Actress, producer)
2017 things I want. . .
It’s been ten years and I have noticed a lot of thing have changed in who I am and what I want.
This is my list from 2007
2007 in THINGS I HAVE WANTED TO DO (INNOCENT AND GUILTY):
- Have my own place.
- Have my own car. (Note: Paid and manage by me. Not a hand me down.)
(How can I have my own car when I freak out behind the wheel?)
- Have a “rainy day” stash of money
- Buy something I can wear that’s designer
(Really? I’ve never gone after something designer. In fact, I cannot stand dressing up and heels.)
(I have a list on my naughty blog. I really do not like outside, especially with my sinuses.)
- Wake up to a guy kissing me
- Have a guy spoil me with nothing sexual in return
- Be romanced (Candle light, bath, flowers dancing etc.)
- Tickle and cuddle with a guy without sexual tension
- Continued to be romanced
(I never believed that I deserved to be romanced and swept off my feet, but with Tom had a few really nice moments.)
- Write another stage play
- Finish at least 3 out of 10 of my scripts within the year
- Publish at least one novel under my own
(11 to 13, I’m still working on my writing, but I have learned that it is a process.)
- Publish a book of poetry It’s now smash words
- Manage a credit card for one year and keep good credit
- Fine a guy who fits my personality (someone who can put up with me) (RIP Tom)
- Have someone throw me a surprise party (preferably on my Birthday) (Worst wish ever)
- Go to Disney World or Land with my boyfriend (before marriage or kids of my own, so I can still act like a kid.)
- Get the guts to sky dive
- Sky dive
(19 & 20 I’m not sure what I was thinking when making this list, but not common sense.)
- Have a friendship with a guy and have it turn into a relationship without it ruining the friendship
- Get my scripts put on the “big screen”
- Have a guy who looks attractive like me for me
- Learn patience
- Learn independence
(23 & 24 I’ve learned I need people in my life and I am not a patient person and I do not want to be. Why would I ask for that?)
- To bake for my boyfriend (For Health reasons.)
- To go on birth control
- Not to have kids until I’m at least 29
- Find a guy my age for an activity partner: Movies, music, darts, bowling, putt-putt
- To score at least 200 in a game of bowling
(Now that is a laugh. I have bowled probably like 5 times in the last ten years, unless you count wii bowling and I have over 200 with wii bowling.)
- To find a guy who will take care of me when I’m sick
- Learn self-control
- Learn self-discipline
- Learn self-motivation
- Be financially secure
(32 to 35 I just want to be able to be constant with my writing and eventually make a profit with my written artwork.)
2017 What I want now
- No kids, I want at least two cats
- Poly house
- To make money on my writings
- To finish and publish my writings
- To have my own agent and editor
- To have my own place with a nice kitchen and my own office
- I want to be able t dine out at least once a week
- Once I get a guy, I want a constant date per week.
- Indoor picnic
- More cuddling
- Breakfast in bed
- More massages
- More hours of soaking in the tub
- To know my mom and brother are taken care of
- Constant encouragement
- Cat Haters
- Extreme pain
- Abusive tempers
- And biggest one liars
I cannot handle liars and the Internet is full of them.
Doms pretending to be a sub so they wrestle another dom for a power struggle. . . It’s like a secret turn on to them.
Catfishing pretending to be someone else. . . Fake pics, fake facts, why are you doing this?
Saying you’re single when you have a girlfriend or wife and kids. (I’M seeking a submissive boyfriend, I want your entire attention. I will not be second rate or just a play toy.)
If you are any of those, please leave me alone.
I try not to play the “hard to get” chatting games.
I’m trying to be more open in the dating pool, but I know what I want and yet the doors are current closed.
So I chat, but then guy gets aggressive even at my polite pushing away.
- “I’m not into your interests.“
- “I need to go to bed”
- “We don’t live close, I’m seeking someone local. “
- “I do not want just a chat, I want a real life relationship.”
If I tell exactly how I see it, I sound like a b*tch.
- “I see us talking online, but then you will lie or be aggressive about something you really want and make me uncomfortable.” (Pusher)
- “You’ll talk to me try to get pic and get off or I say no and you go on the the next easy chatter. You won’t chat again or if you do you ask for more pics.” (Pic weasel because the term I want to use is not nice)
- “We chat for a few days, until either one say that is deal breaker ” (delayed dealbreaker I ask my deal breaking issues on chat 1.)
- Chat, one date, no call (fearful brats)
I want a text, chat to continue after the first date, and then second and a third date etc.
If I don’t think we are going to be at least friends, then why are we even chatting?
I want to be with my dream guy who is giddy over me and is snuggling in bed, I’m the small spoon. He has his arms around me and everything is alright.
Don’t you just love hearing. . . There is new guy?
I finally met a guy online who I connect with, didn’t cancel the date with some lame excuse, and he was very cute.
However this has made my anxiety go to extremes. I’m afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
It has taken me so many empty conversations and bad pictures with guys and girls to get here. It makes it even more valuable.
He is intelligent, creative, and wants a challenge.
My damn anxiety keeps me questioning me . . .
- Am I up to his expectations?
- Am I at his level?
- Is he interested me or just lonely ?
- Does he just want fun?
- Is he for real?
- Am I really good enough for HIM?
- Am I dominant enough for HIM?
I need to just enjoy the time we have together, but these thoughts hang on the back of my head.
But there is this new guy. . .(excited and nervous)
Grrrrrr. I did it again. I ignored my gut feeling.
My problem as a writer: I love words, and I love reading the right words. There are people out there all wrong for me, but can say just right thing at the perfect time. It catches you in the back of your mind and makes you have a war with that gut feeling saying it’s not right.
My gut is not judgemental, it just knows what is truly best for me. I need to listen to it more.
I want that situation in my life that is 90% too good to be true, usually it is. Sigh.
The encouraging words is one of my Achilles heel. It makes me feel wronged when the words are empty. Because at this point in my life all I have our my words. So I try to fill them with hope, faith, and truth. I just wish others would at least be honest.