Find the things that bring enjoyment and happiness. . .
Yes, it really is that simple.
Why do I make it so complicated?
I felt good all week but now. . .
It feels just another day.
I felt like my mind hyped it all for nothing.
I don’t feel any older or wiser.
Many of my online friends wished me a happy birthday early.
I’m getting a cake tomorrow.
My hair is funky and colorful.
I’ve done a lot within the year, but I still feel blah.
I hope Christmas goes better.
I’m sorry this post is late, but just before Thanksgiving I got gout, and I’ve been healing and sleeping ever since.
We had a good Thankgiving holiday in which I’m very thankful for. However there was no drama just family, friends, food and laughter. (It was nice, but I was waiting for someone to breakout or a couple bickering in the background, but just enjoy each other and food. Its sad that I’m used to that around the holidays.)
I’ve been sleeping a lot just to heal my painful ankles.
Day 29: What do you think of your teeth and your smile? Do you like them and if so, why? If not, how can you view them more positively?
I used to love my teeth. When I was young I had them capped due to issues I had when I slept, but the caps started to chip a few years back. I need to get them done again, but my dentist is pushing every procedure but it.Sigh.
I used to sing and I used to have a big toothy smile, but now not so much.
My face is the first thing people usually noticed about me and yes i do have teeth problems, but majority are in the back of my mouth. I’m very apprehensive about the whole thing. I hate pain, and many times my teeth hurt
Day 30 Validation is important to our self-esteem. Do others encourage you? If not, what are some ways that you can ask them to so your self-esteem.
My family does help and those who read my writing and blog. . That comment really help my self esteem. It feels like a confirmation that I’m meant to be writing. (Esspecially when I have those who thinks it’s unstable and I’m wasting time writing too much.)
I give myself goals and rewards for myself.
Day 31. Rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10?
It was -5 on my lowest day, but currently I’m at 7.
Has your self-esteem improved?
I have learned about myself. I’ve also learned that I am valuable. My sleep issues make my depression and anxiety feel bigger than they are.
https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/
Day 26: When was the last time you were too hard on yourself? What do you think you could have done to treat and comfort yourself instead?
It was last February, I told by this guy I had met before, he was going to be at a diner we were meeting at, so I ordered a quesadilla waiting for him. He never showed and I had to use my family’s laundry money for that week.
I didn’t get another for myself for months as by felt bad. I haven’t been on a date since as I feel if I cant afford to take myself out, then I can’t date.
My family barely makes it was into week, I don’t feel I can comfort myself until My health is better and In have no idea when that is.
Day 27: What is the main barrier to you having positive self-esteem? How can you break free from it?
My current living situation and health issues, energy, weight, and loneliness are my barriers from me seeing thing in a constant positive outlook in life.
I feel my landlords keep putting rule after rule (some I feel are unjustified), I feel smothered. Now they are posting that they can deny it kick a person out for any reason. (My family pays on time, but I’m very moody and opinionated and I’m afraid one I’m going to blow up emotionally and get my family kicked out. I feel like my mood swing make me unlikable and unattractive.)
My other health issues have made me more introverted . . . I’ve been called bad and mean names for my weight and it hurts. Ive been struggling to lose weight because of the hormones I’m on.
I also felt like a failure because I couldn’t appease or make other family members proud. I’ve always been a black sheep, but I currently said screw it, I’m me, I love my writing, and it’s not my job to make others happy. The only person I can make happy is me.
note: I have been seeing doctors and I am working on my health. I hope by next year to get out more.
I’m on http://www.7cups.com and they ask me to define the following words. . .
Depression, sadness, pain, mental illness, and mental health:
depression is stuck in a state of sadness or negativity, sometimes it paralyzing
sadness lack or losing happiness like a balloon losing air
pain uncomfort or a moment which the mind cannot understand the body
mental illness the accumulation of knowledge to know within the mind something is wrong (Note: I never said normal, that is just a setting on appliances)
mental health is knowledge and ways to improve and make the mental state of mind calmer, possibly better
In addition
Anxiety when repeating thought haunt me so much, they twist themselves into bigger worries than they really are
Day 15: Do you like your personal appearance? If so, why? If not, what are some ways you could view yourself differently?
My body has always been an up and down issue with me. I’ve always been a larger, curvy girl. My legs are 90% muscle, (cannot be pinched) because of the sports I was in and even now I walk whenever I can. My behind or stomach are my problem areas when they are the last to get slimmer, sigh.
I’m not into dressing up, make up or heel. I’m into comfort: jeans and tee shirts. (It’s hard for me to any skirt, blouse or dress that I like or feel good in. My weight with heels, ah, no, no no.)
As for my face, I’ve always had a youthful, cute face. I love my high cheek bones, bottom of the lake blue eyes, and a nice smile. (I get comments on my eyes.) My hair is fine but greasy , I have dyed it in all colors but green, and I usually gave it in a pony tail. (The back of my neck gets hot fast.) My teeth need extra care, but over I’m not bad.
It just depends on my mood in how I see myself, on a good day I see myself as 7 (minus health issues.) On a bad day . . . a -2.
I am hard on myself, and I am my worst enemy. (I’ve gotten more compliments than insults on my personal ads, and yet the insult seem to sting longer.)
Day 10: Are you happy with your “inner person”? If so, why or why not?
https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/
I show a lot of my inner self here, and you can see how I’m struggling or I’m improving, depends on the day.
I’m content with my inner person right now because I’m not who I want to be yet. I’m working on my health. I do feel about 6 months from now once I my main health issues worked out, I will on the path to where I personally want to be.
Day 9: Do you have genuine respect for yourself and who you are as an individual? And if not, how can you change that?
https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/
I will admit I’ve had some mountainous challenging obstacles in my life, but I respect who I am and who I am becoming.
I had self esteem issues, but I was shy and worried what other’s thought, but now I realize it didn’t matter. All that matters is what I think of myself.
The only one truly in the way of me becoming my best version of myself is me.
Each day I try to be productive and helpful. I know if I at least try daily than that is the best I can do. I respect myself for that.
I may moan and groan at the jobs I have to do, but I still do them . . , that’s not lack of respect, it’s motivation fighting my grumpy depression.
There are very few things I have lost respect for in my own life.
Day 8: What is a food you enjoy that makes you feel good?
https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/
I’m not sure if they meant healthy food or guilty pleasure.
Top ten favorite food.
1. Lasagna or pizza (any pasta fits here.)
2. Snap pea with ranch dip, (I’m weird but they are my potato chips)
3. Coffee with flavor creamers (caramel)
4. Ice cream (favorite rocky road with marshmallow swirl)
5. Sushi
6. Soft tacos (I prefer homemade and I make quesadillas)
7. Mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes
8. Very gooy mac and cheese with bacon
9. A juicy loaded burger with fried potatoes
10. most things chocolate
In my head 