Friends, Guys, and my Unicorn

Friends

Currently, I am just seeking friends. I have been lonely, and just want someone to talk to. I just got out of an eight year relationship, and I know I am NOT ready for a boyfriend and/or relationship. I need to focus on me, and fix my shattered heart and baggage before I give myself to someone else.

I grew up with three brothers, so I get along with the guys better. I just think a lot like them. I will have some female friends, but they usually think like me, and they try to avoid drama. When you mix women with men, there is always drama. A likes B, but B likes C, and C likes Z. However Z only likes older people. It just all gets complicated.
I will be friends with females, but I will drop them when they start the drama. They hold grunges, and never let anything go. . . they also don’t believe in things like “bros before hoes.” I just seem to get alone with men better as long sex is not involved. Sex really does complicate everything.

Now unto guys issues. . .

If I say that “I am not interested.” It does not mean hassle me three more times. . . No means No!

I know what I want, and if it is not you. . . I will tell you to move on. I am sick of being so nice and no one listening to me.

I’m very picky in who I want. I do not want to marry or date someone who can barely speak English. I am sick of tell men no.

Look, I hope you find who you are looking for, but chances are it is not me.

I will explain my unicorn now. . .

My unicorn.

Unicorn

“1. (positive)

Your dream person. Your perfect person. The person to whom you wish to be with intimately more than anyone else. This person is characterized by the following statements and application rational.

Statements:

The unicorn is a rare mythological creature:

They have healing powers and can neutralize poison:

Rational:

Despite its rarity, everyone has a unicorn. But everyone’s unicorn is rare to them. This one person can sooth your soul and give you a sense of worth or completeness. Just the thought of this person can heal your innermost pain on the darkest of days. It’s the perfect person.”

Taken from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Unicorn&defid=1650447

My unicorn is someone who loves me for my curviness, my corniness, someone who will serve me as much as I will serve them. . . someone who just gets me.

Physically. . . I want a guy with blonde or sandy brown hair that I can put my fingers through, soulful, blue eyes, a sexy smile, and someone who is fit: thin to medium built. (I am not a Nazi, that look is just the only look that instantly makes me weak in the knees, and it makes my stomach flutter with butterflies. I have dated guys with dark brown hair and brown-green eyes, and it just hasn’t been the same. Call me shallow, bitchy, whatever, I am NOT sorry that I know what I want!)

I mean my celebrity crushes. . . Jonathan Brandis, Taylor Hanson, Ryan Gosling, Leonardo DiCaprio etc ( I like Marcel Vigernon’s cooking and his eyes. I like Jared Padelacki hair, and Jensen Ackles body) There is a pattern here.

However I need to laugh. . . I need someone who supports me and my dreams and allows me to support them and their dreams. Someone who isn’t just a dreamer, but a doer. Someone who is NOT super lazy or needy or extremely sensitive. (I need a man, not a kid. I took care of man-child for eight years, I will NOT do it again!)

I want someone who will go to the doctor’s with me or hold my hand when I am hurt or sick. Someone who will let me take care of them when they are sick.

I want someone who gets along with my family and who wants me to get along with their family.

I want someone who sentimental and romantic without me reminding him. I want someone who adores me. Someone who likes me who I am, but is so encouraging that he makes me a better women just by being. This is why it’s a unicorn.

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Scattered Venting

I am here to express myself and get my thoughts out. If you can handle rants or venting, then your probably do not want to read further.

Right now my thoughts are scattered.

I want to write a memoir: you know. . . good and bad memories that make up me. I keep getting too easily distracted, and yet I am not sure why. Maybe there is a piece of me that just does not me to do this, now. . . if not when? No better time like the present, right?

It’s driving me crazy. . . eight years we were together. He haunts my dreams, and yet he has moved on.
Why can’t just forget and move on like him? I know why. . . I have a heart, because it’s in pieces. He moves on even before we broke up, why doesn’t he love me? Why did he change into a jerk? Was a just fooling myself from the start? (This is several blogs on it’s own)

I’m just looking for friends: I keep getting pervs, scammers, and fakes out of the wood work . I think it happened again. . . I am sick of fake people. . . who promise the stuff. I want you to know that you are hurting people by lying. All I want is a person who is real. If I ask a question, then give me an answer. If you block me, at least tell me why.
All those who have fake profile, stop it. . . it is wrong!
They get fake pictures on the Internet. . . posers, if you are going to try and scam, don’t use different people in your pictures. I am NOT stupid. I mean like this one guy was trying to flirt and mingle with me online. Then he mentions he has a daughter, and he showed me a pic of a young brunette girl playing at the beach. A few days later, she gets in an accident on her bus that was never on the news and when he shows me a pic of her hurt, she was blonde.
Can’t I just find some decent people to chat with online that are not as old as my parents?

I’m working on a new pen name. I need a new look, new name etc(still keeping Rebekah it is me. The surname; however, was from my ex, and I do not want him to think he can claim any aspect of my writing.)

I’m distracted so easily. . . I need to give myself at least an hour everyday to write.
Christmas and my birthday are coming. . .
I am trying to earn money.
I live with 6 people so the house is always busy. . . always a chore to do.
We are fostering a kitten, that is way more work than we planned. I love him to death.
I am working three small writing projects.
I am helping others edit.
I am trying to get over my anxiety, depression, ex, and panic attacks.
I am still trying to make my own space in this house.
My family is dieting, so I am trying to help make new and healthy dinners.
I also am planning for next month writing issues.
Man, I am really busy. . . day at a time.

We are dieting as a family. . . I am not meds that just do not let me lose at the rate that I want, and they make me exhausted. I want to drop at least 80 pounds, but I have lost 13 pounds and been bouncing the same three pounds back and forth for weeks. I also love chocolate and soda-pop. I need motivation. I need hope. I need to be hyper and do more.

I want to get everyone nice stuff for Christmas, but I do NOT have much money.

I am just flustered. I am done venting. . . for now.

I Don’t Play Hard to Get, I know What I want. . .

I know I am difficult, because I know what I want. . .
I also believe that what I am is a rarity in this world: some people call it a unicorn. I just want someone to get me. . . I want someone to understand my contradictions, to laugh at my corniness, to miss me when I am not there, to help me when I need it, to let me help them when they need it, and to just understand me. I want them to know my moments. . . my sweetheart to my depression to my inner bitch.
You see what I want is a friend who I can just talk to, someone who is truly there for me. We can just talk about each others day or problems.
I want someone with similar interests as me so we can talk about them. . . writing, reading, vampires, ghost, paranormal, Supernatural (TV show), True Blood (TV Show), cooking, baking, walking, painting, chatting, blogging, witches, Paganism, candles, colors, health issues, being a woman (for the other women out there) etc.

I am not looking to have “adult fun.” I am not seeking marriage, I just got off an long relationship and I still processing.
I am not seeking to travel to a country that is more sand than people. (I have gotten offered. . . I do not like sand unless it’s a beach.) I do not like camping, fishing, hunting, or that many outdoor things. . . I am a city girl. I like shopping, going out to dinner, and movies. I am a foodie.
I am difficult with some people, because some people are just wasting both our time. If I have to say no, more than three times, I will block you.
I also have an age limit 21- 45

Who am I?

Name: Becky M. S. (Rebekah)
Age/DOB: 32 12/13
Height: 5ft
Eye color: Bottom of the lake blue
Physical appearance: Curvy, larger chest, small, wide feet, glasses, shoulder length dark blonde hair
Strange or unique physical attributes: I’m short
Favorite clothing style/outfit: I dress comfort, tee shirts and jeans or tight pants, black
Where does he or she live? What is it like there? I live in Lorain with my dad, stepmom, two brothers and my brother’s girlfriend, I visit my mom, friends, uncle and another brother often
Defining gestures/movements (i.e., curling his or her lip when he or she speaks, always keeping his or her eyes on the ground, etc.): Nail bitter when bored or nervous, blushes easily
Things about his or her appearance he or she would most like to change: Weight and health issues
Speaking style (fast, talkative, monotone, etc.): Talks fast and constantly
Pet peeves: Fakes, cheaters, and liars
Fondest memory: Writing, cooking, baking. . . cookies and cakes
Hobbies/interests: Writing, Blogging, Publishing, Cooking, Baking, Card and Board games, Movies, Music, You Tube, Traveling, Cats, Dinner Parties, BBQ’s, Walking, Reading, and Chatting.
Special skills/abilities: Music, piano, vocal,
Insecurities: I worry over everything and I always think the worst.
Quirks/eccentricities: I ask a lot of questions, I have to be in control, and I have mood swings.
Temperament (easygoing, easily angered, etc.): easily angered. Exited, hopeful, helpful, always putting others over myself
Negative traits: looks herself too hard, anxious, bitchy, and controlling.
Things that upset him or her: Liars, illness, things I cannot control, being yelled at, being called a liar, messing with my family, seeing dumb people with kids, abused animals
Things that embarrass him or her: compliments, dancing.
This character is highly opinionated about: kids, cats, vampires, ghosts, cooking, writing, politics, church.
Any phobias? Spiders, death, car accident, cancer, losing a family member
Things that make him or her happy: I have things done, I have time for myself, I cooking or baking, I am with cats, I am with family, I am singing, and I am writing.
Family (describe): Hmm. . . They have changed: Dad: tries to go with the flow, but wants things his way; Mom: tries to be cool, but always seems to know when something is up and worries; Stepmom: Very generous, but do NOT cross her. Brother 1: Just is trying to find love and happiness in the wrong places, Brother 2: Needs to know how to go with the flow, very smart and easily flustered; Brother 3: Likes to put a lot on his plate, needs to treat everything like the things he like.
Deepest, darkest secret: I was 22 and raped by a 16 year old.
Reason he or she kept this secret for so long: I am ashamed. I am also afraid that my family will go after him. I just hope karma serves him justice.
Other people’s opinions of this character (What do people like about this character? What do they dislike about this character?): She is helpful, entertaining, reacts to their scares. . . she giggles and is a jumper.
Favorite bands/songs/type of music: Hanson, Imagine Dragons, 70-90’s Pop, Alternative, Motown, Classic Rock, Some classical
Favorite movies: Forest Gump, Wonder Boy, Where the Heart Is, The Breakfast Club, Repo, The Gentic Opera, and Interview with a Vampire
Favorite TV shows: Girl Meets World, Big Bang Theory, Young and Hungry, Dexter, True Blood
Favorite books: Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, Short stories by Stephen King
Favorite foods: Lasagna, pasta, Fried chicken, Big Mac’s, cheesecake, chocolate, french toast
Favorite sports/sports teams: Browns, Saints, 49ers and the Cowboys
Political views: In the middle
Religion/philosophy of life: Treat others the way you want to be treated, what goes around comes around, and think positive
Physical health: Off and on
Dream vacation: Disney World Cruise
Description of his or her house: Ranch with a basement, mixture of wood and carpet floors, lots of picture, feels connected
Description of his or her bedroom: fan, bins, desk, semi-hard, low bed, lots of blankets, three pillows
Any pets? Yes 5 cats: Callie, Simba. Nala, Marsia, and Elmo; one dog Spike
Best thing that has ever happened to this character: I broke up with my ex
Worst thing that has ever happened to this character: I am easily taken advantage of and cheated on more than once. I was also abused physically and mentally.
Superstitions: I think 13 is lucky but broken mirrors are not.
Three words to describe this character: helpful, trusting, and honest
If a song played every time this character walked into the room, what song would it be? Me, Myself and I by Hanson or Don’t let me Get me by Pink

__________________________

 

I am . . . a sister, a daughter, a friend, a storyteller, a writer, a dreamer, a planner, a worrier, a smart-ass, a people pleaser, a cat lover, a hopeful girl, a honest human, tired, talented, musical, likable, helpful, blunt, harsh, straightforward, a fighter, an editor, a lover, and most of all just me.

The main thing about me is . . . I want everyone to be happy. I want the world to work together. I want to be positive and be around positive people.

I always . . . worry and jump the worst case scenario. I need to stop.

I feel most like me when . . . I am with cats, family, or  I am writing.

What I like most about a person is . . . the ability to make me laugh.

I will be . . . stronger tomorrow than yesterday.

I get angry when . . . I am dealing with idiots, people who don’t listen or people who cheat and/or lie to me.

I feel happy when . . . I have things done, I have time for myself, I cooking or baking, I am with cats, I am with family, I am singing, and I am writing.

I believe I’m . . . going to do whatever I put my mind to.

One thing I want to accomplish is . . . I want to make money writing my book. I would like to be a famous author.

What I like the most about myself . . . I like that put others before myself, I am helpful, and I try to be positive and determined.

I hate it when . . . I worry and obsession over things I cannot control. I get so obsessed that I do not write or do anything productive. Internet is extremely distracting with my temporary obsessions.

I was . . . stuck in my own anxiety and depression.

I feel least like me when . . . when I am pushing into something I feel wrong about.

If you really knew me . . . you would know I am extremely loyal and devoted as long as you are honest with me. I love to write.

Most of all, I really want . . . I want to have many friends and make money writing.

I was the type of child who . . . always asked questions, and was in my own world with my imaginary friends.

Two things I’d like to change about myself are . . . my weight/figure and my health issues.

I feel my strongest when . . . when I am writing, laughing, or singing.

On a beautiful day, I like to . . . walk on a fall day. I love the colorful leaves.

My favorite past times are . . . Writing, Blogging, Publishing, Cooking, Baking, Card and Board games, Movies, Music, You Tube, D&D with my brothers, shopping, draw, paint, Traveling, Cats, Dinner Parties, BBQ’s, Walking, Reading, and Chatting.

When I feel happy, I like to . . . write, paint, sing, out with friends or family, walk, cook, bake, and draw.

My child within is . . . scared at the world and distrusts most people but my family and friends. She is fed up with having the cake and not eating it too. . . she will not let me settle.