My Birthday

I felt good all week but now. . .

It feels just another day.

I felt like my mind hyped it all for nothing.

I don’t feel any older or wiser.

Many of my online friends wished me a happy birthday early.

I’m getting a cake tomorrow.

My hair is funky and colorful.

I’ve done a lot within the year, but I still feel blah.

I hope Christmas goes better.

Birthday

 My birthday went better than I thought. We had a nice dinner and a really nice shopping spree. I truly wasn’t expecting it. . .

I got. . . 

• A diary
• Colored pens
• This tablet
• Night shirt
• Robe
• Nail polish 
• Scarf and gloves
• Bath soap
• Dress
• My folding table desk
• My led light
• Calendar
• Hair dye

I really did make out. I appreciate everything John did. He made me brownies and got me rocky road ice cream. I had a really good birthday and weekend. 

“It’s my birthday. . .”

“And I’ll cry if I want to. . .”

I’m just in a really debunk depression that I cannot get out of. 

I hope to fake until I make it. . . 

And that that I at least get to write. 

What I want right now…

• I want a house (shared with family) with my own space. I don’t need my own per say, but just my own space that I can make my own.  

1. Desk for my working computer with a comfy chair
2. My own recliner with soft sheet set.
3. Place for my writing
4. Bigger kitchen to cook and bake
5. I want a book shelf where I can store my books. Note: buy more books

• I want at least two cats. I want them cuddly and trainable. Yes, I have trained my cats, to beg for treats, follow me, and ask for food.
• I want a place close to city where mom or I can find at least a part time job. 
• I want a place where I can paint. 
• I want a bathroom with a large tub, I can soak in.  
• Internet and cable throughout the house. 
• Good heat and a/c
• Friendly neighbors
• More friends that really get me
• I want my health and sleep to get better
• Honest people (No catfish and canceled dates)

Confession 22: Reality Vs Fantasy

Why does it seem lately that everything seems better in my head?

Examples:

#1
In my head: I wanted to go out to all you can eat wing place for my birthday and then have presents and dark forest cake afterward with part of my family and a few friends. There were would be laughs and good time with everyone.

Reality: I had several cats naps, because my sleep schedule is way off. Then for dinner a store bought pizza that wasn’t bad, but not what I wanted. I wanted a dark forest cake (chocolate and cherries), but what I got was a pumpkin pie that was just okay.

#2
In my head: I am cuddling and getting massages with my boyfriend and playing with my cat.

Reality: I’m helping my ex without my cat.

#3
In my head: I am touring promoting my books and give huge universe lectures on how to write a novel.

Reality: I can’t even write in my diary.  Damn writer’s block.

 

Reality Vs Fantasy: Sometimes reality sucks.
Did I do something wrong?