Opened eyes

My emotions feel like I have been in the crappiest amusement park . . .

My depression had me stuck on a rollercoaster that just kept dipping lower and lower and for a while wouldn’t let me off the damn ride.

Once I get off, I just get on a ride having me go in circles.

I finally get to the back of park, to get on another rollercoaster which gets stuck on the top and doesn’t go down. Angry, I had to get off and walk down the stairs.

However I realize by the time, I get down, I wasn’t angry anymore but just relived.

Then by the time, I got some ice cream, a corn dog and soda. . . And won a few stuffed animals. . . I belted out of the park.

This was a metaphor. . .

I was in a bad place, but I have been writing a release book, Making myself face all of the thoughts and emotions in my head.

I’ve learned a few things. . .

  • There are a few things that make me happy.
  • There are people that support me.
  • This situation isn’t as bad as I have it in my head.
  • Hope is a very good thing.
  • Coffee is liquid hope.
  • Creative cooking is fun.
  • I am responsible for me and my life.
  • Helping is ok to expect nothing in return.
  • I’m not selfish for fixing and advancing myself.
  • Bad things happen, but we pick ourselves up and move on.
  • I need to let go and move on.
  • I love to write.
Advertisements

Goals

  • Word count by December 31, 2018 (400,000)
  • Finish “Driving Lies
  • Get my computer fixed
  • Get a new cord for my computer
  • Fixed my sleep apnea
  • Help mom with diet
  • Walk three times a week
  • Work on getting a daily word count of 3000
  • Work on wattpad account
  • Write more stories
  • Research and get a new place
  • Publish something
  • Work on personal project
  • Post up to 200 blogs this year (among all my blogs)
  • Succeed in camp Nanowrimo April 30k
  • Succeed in camp Nanowrimo July 30k
  • Succeed in Nanowrimo November 50k
  • release book
  • Figure out who I am

Note: some of this list will repeat on my writing goals on my writing http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com

No Smoking Please

I posted no smoking on my personals. In fact, smoking partners is a deal breaker.

I do not want to kiss ashtrays.

The last guy I was with was a smoker, and I couldn’t kiss him when he come home from work.

Gum does not hide the smoky taste or smell.

I am lonely, but no enough to give up my sensitive lungs to a smoker.

I will not tell someone to stop their bad habit, because that leaves them to tell me to stop mine (saying I`m sorry for nothing, stalling, and soda. I’m sure there are others bad habits too. I’m not perfect.)

It’s crazy those since posting “I do not want smokers,” I`ve gotten replies from 6 different guys who all smoke. Either they didn’t read my profile or simply don’t care what or whom I want.

What does deal breaker mean, people? I means I do NOT want to date smokers. Please move on.

April is going to busy

I know at four doctors I need to schedule in. . . Maybe four if I need a specialist for my hands. ( They keep swelling, and my joints hurt. It hurts sometimes to hold a pen or fork.)

I’m doing camp Nano but I’m only giving myself a word count of 30,000 for my main goal. It’s only 1k per day. I thinkmi can type that. I did 35,000 both last August and November. I how to write a book of short stories. I talk more about it in my writers blog. . . Rebekah Quinne

I also hope to walk at least three times a week. I want to get in better shape and get more energy. I’m hoping to sleep better from it and get more focus.

The thing is I’m doing this for me. I’ve learned that I need to focus on myself and heal myself before I can help others.

Ohio Weather. . . Eh.

I hate snow and my body hates cold. My joints are achy. My head is pounding and I’m so tired . . . My body cannot relax.

I miss walking. I miss warm breezes.

I wish I could live in a place that was mostly sunny. . . 70`s during the day and 50`s at night. However no snakes, bugs, spiders, or bees. (I know we need those for flowers to grow, but I am more of a city girl anyway, not a farm/country girl. I just want to be able to go outside for a long walk and worry about ice.)

The problem is that most people want that too so it would belong the rich for vacation escapes.

It honestly only exists in my dreams. . . Sighs.

Finding a Guy

After my semi vanilla relations, (Oct to Dec (2017)) . . . I’ve learned I cannot not go vanilla, but I do want to date and cuddle.

I want a positive, ambitious submissive boyfriend. (I do not want a mindless drone or a complainer.)

However I’m slowly learning that life or fate will never put you in the wrong spot. I learned I need to let life do it’s thing. I should not push because I feel desperately lonely.

I’ve learned life will put in me in the right place, at the right time, even if I’m confused in the present.

I just need to do my thing and Mr. Right will be there when I probably least expect it.

Meanwhile I should enjoy my life: good writing, good family, and good friends.

I just to realize I will find that genuine people that I’m into, but they are not into me. I’m not everyone’s favorite soda-pop or cup of tea.

I simply need to move on and focus and believe life knows what it is doing.

My body doesn’t like clocks

My sleep schedules are really off. . .

If I fall asleep between 7 pm and 9pm will be up by the latest 2am and my schedule is completely off.

Then I usually write 2am until 8 am and the light has known to give me migraines. Grrr.

However my body loves to sleep between the hours of 7am to 1pm (or if anyone wants to text me in the morning. )

If I get at least a good five to nine hours, I write well.

Ideally I would love to go to bed 3am and wake up by 10am and write 12pm to 5pm, but my muses have different ideas.

I try to find just a few hours for myself.

Can’t I just have six hours for out time and 18 hours of active time?

I’m usually tired all of the time.

I have to thank whom ever made caffeine my best friend. I love coffee and my Pepsi.