Sigh! Only Words

Warning: Adult Rating

I still like him alot—at least the version of the guy in my head.

It started out as two writers working on a few online stories together. Then we talked and shared personal stuff. Next we know the “L” word get passed over some texts. A few phone calls and lots of pictures. . .

Stress and problems share. . . words of hope.

Then nightmares and depression has me struggling to believe anything and makes me feel alone. My fear haunted me. . . that he catfished (as I have been before), that he is married, that he is not who he says he is.)-0-

We never met and the dark cloud in my head believes we well never meet and keep telling me to move on.

365 days of feelings, arguments, stories, chats. . . I enjoyed it all, but I wanted and needed and still WANT and NEED more.

I want to cuddle, kiss, make out, dance, have sex with lots of foreplay, sleep together, spooning, get have him see me be bashful and blush.

I guess the Fates feel we are just not ready for each other (yet if at all.)

I am not the type to handle a long timed– long distanced relationship with someone with similar problems as mine. Sigh.

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When?

It’s interesting I saw the movie “Defiantly, Maybe” today.

The character April explained something which makes sense to me, right now at this moment.
“It’s NOT who . . . it’s when.”

It’s like watching how peguins go for years looking for their mate, and they wait for that moment. (That was in the movie as well.)

I feel I need to wait for when. . . maybe I have to learn something . . . maybe I simply have to wait until just the right time. However I am very impatient. . . I like this guy 1300 miles away, and we both have similar problems. I just wish we can both get over those damn ostabacles.

I have some health issues. . . aminea, sleep apnea, and diabetes. (Not to mention don’t work well with my hormone issues, depression, and anxiety.) These problems keep me from having a normal sleep schedule and make it almost impossible to get even a part time job.

Who knows maybe next year we will be together. . . I just have a hard at this point in my life seeing to the end of the week, or even just the end of the day.

However afterwards, I usually understand that I am right place at the right time to learn the lessons I need to.

I’m trying to find what my purpose it at this part in my life. I think it’s not about one purpose in life, but different purposes in life. As simple as cooking for family, to as complicated as working three jobs, and then writing a story and having cat naps in between.tumblr_nkacas3g2n1rg09p7o1_500