Warning: Adult Rating
I still like him alot—at least the version of the guy in my head.
It started out as two writers working on a few online stories together. Then we talked and shared personal stuff. Next we know the “L” word get passed over some texts. A few phone calls and lots of pictures. . .
Stress and problems share. . . words of hope.
Then nightmares and depression has me struggling to believe anything and makes me feel alone. My fear haunted me. . . that he catfished (as I have been before), that he is married, that he is not who he says he is.)-0-
We never met and the dark cloud in my head believes we well never meet and keep telling me to move on.
365 days of feelings, arguments, stories, chats. . . I enjoyed it all, but I wanted and needed and still WANT and NEED more.
I want to cuddle, kiss, make out, dance, have sex with lots of foreplay, sleep together, spooning, get have him see me be bashful and blush.
I guess the Fates feel we are just not ready for each other (yet if at all.)
I am not the type to handle a long timed– long distanced relationship with someone with similar problems as mine. Sigh.
It’s interesting I saw the movie “Defiantly, Maybe” today.
The character April explained something which makes sense to me, right now at this moment.
“It’s NOT who . . . it’s when.”
infinity time spiral clock, abstract background
It’s like watching how peguins go for years looking for their mate, and they wait for that moment. (That was in the movie as well.)
I feel I need to wait for when. . . maybe I have to learn something . . . maybe I simply have to wait until just the right time. However I am very impatient. . . I like this guy 1300 miles away, and we both have similar problems. I just wish we can both get over those damn ostabacles.
I have some health issues. . . aminea, sleep apnea, and diabetes. (Not to mention don’t work well with my hormone issues, depression, and anxiety.) These problems keep me from having a normal sleep schedule and make it almost impossible to get even a part time job.
Who knows maybe next year we will be together. . . I just have a hard at this point in my life seeing to the end of the week, or even just the end of the day.
However afterwards, I usually understand that I am right place at the right time to learn the lessons I need to.
I’m trying to find what my purpose it at this part in my life. I think it’s not about one purpose in life, but different purposes in life. As simple as cooking for family, to as complicated as working three jobs, and then writing a story and having cat naps in between.