Bitter time wasted

I liked this guy for over a year. However he was 1300 miles away. We both had situations keeping us a part . . . I liked him, alot, but I tried to keep thinking realistically. I knew there was chances we were not going to meet. 

He keep being this version of super hopeful that I knew if I started to believe would have completely had crushed me. I had so much disappointment in my life that I knew not to hold my breath. 

I really liked him. If I won money or got a good amount of money for writing, I would like to meet I  the future. 

The thing I miss is texting good morning, exchanging pictures, good night, the stories we worked on, and looking forward hearing from him. I will miss him. 

What I want vs reality

I’ve been trying to get online personals. My issue is that my boyfriend was submissive, and I do not want a dominant male telling me what to do.  I keep getting called fake  (it’s most because I am picky and guys do not like being rejected.)

With that said, I am real. (Not a fake, not a scammer: stop calling me such, because I rejected you. I have the right to be picky, and I will not settle!)

 I want a real connection. I want a submissive to get me. I want submissive to touch me, and make me feel like the sexy goddess they claim me to be. I will not understand or feel a connection after just chatting a few times. I am seeking friends to friends with benefits with right trusting connection a long term female led in real life relationship. 

Stop being immature and bitter for rejecting you. . . Maybe it is my lost. Maybe you are the ultimate submissive, but I need the submissive right for me. I’m not a domme, I am a controlling, sensual mistress.

(However I do wish you best of in search.)

I do not like bald guys. They do nothing for me. Some guys have gorgeous faces, but I need hair on the head. I like Vin Diesel, the Rock, and Michael Simon, and I would hang out with them any day of the week, but I just wouldn’t sleep with them. I don’t mind being friends, but guys usually want more on this site. 

I will not date guy in 50s or older. My parents are in their 50s I will not date someone who could have changed my diapers. 

I will not date or play with a dom who experimenting with idea that they might want to be a sub or that I happen to be close. I’m not going to go screw a guy because they are my neighbor.

I am not into guys who are just into sex or virtually getting off, but not interested in me. 

I do NOT want a sub who will argue with me. (If you are patient with me, I will ask your kinks and listen to your requests. I will not always say yes, but if you were to argue in real life I will spank your ass and give you extra time on chastity.  I believe  in safety or emergency words, in case you need to break character or you want to change something.)

I am NOT seeking  an online or long distance relationship. I enjoy chats online, and I seek to get inspired by Fantasies and pictures.  I like chat and will answer questions, work  on stories, and make friends. However I will NOT skype or kik. I am NOT here for some hornball to get off.

I say most of all this is my  profile. I am sick of those who don’t read my profile before the message me. Just because you ask, it does not mean, you are so special that I will change my mind. 

I want more than just sex, I want a connection with a fit submissive. 

Dealing with online dating

This is currently posted on my pof.com account after a really frustrating 8 and half months. I got on in November and after 5 months of dealing with shallow, horny jerks  (some married), guys pushing instant date, to Skype or kik, or naughty pics. Then there were the bitter mean guys that would call me fat or a pig. 

I had signed off, but then I would get bored and signed in again hoping that maybe I would find someone like a friend of mine.

I messaged several guy who had nice profiles and nice pic, only to get my messaged deleted  or ignored. (I mean they could say politely, they are not interested.) I got more mean name callers, and men offering sex for money. So I took my pic off, and wrote this on my profile. . .
It seems whenever I see that is a guy is cute on here, he probably thinks I am the D.U.F.F.  (Google it)

He does not want a girl that is his good friend who could watch games and give him  head during commercials.

He want a hot, thin, sexy girl who is a super model, but treats him like a sexy king, because she is in nyphyo too. She is a unicorn. 

I’m so sick of guys on here confessing that they do have a wife and kids.  You gave her vows, you want sex, give her something. . . Go to a sex shop together, get some toys, condoms (as do you do not want other kids), and send the kids out. Role play, cuff yourself to the bed, and give her the power. Watch 50 shades of Grey and let her pounce you. 

I was cheated by my ex for not being a nurturing mother figure to him. I told him that I wasn’t that but I am a controlling dominant. I like bondage, chastity, and complete control. I know I am a freak, but you have no idea how it feel to finally release once you had be denied.  I’m sick of being so damn sweet and innocent. 

I need a connection before I give a submissive guy pleasure once he pleases me.  I doubt you can handle me.

 

Overthink

I just keep over analyzing and over thinking stuff, and it is driving me crazy.  How do I stop?

I feel like I can’t move on, but why? What is really stopping me?

I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m bitter. I’m frisky. I’m scared. All of these emotions are making my stomach churn. 

How do I just relax?

Things That Make Me Happy

Things that make me happy

  1. Getting an a long e-mail
  2. Baking
  3. Cooking
  4. Good Sex with lots of foreplay
  5. Hours of unbothered writing
  6. Writing 10,000 words in a day
  7. Finishing (reading) a good book
  8. A story with a good twist
  9. Not being able to predict something
  10. Soda-pop
  11. Going out
  12. Helping others
  13. Making others happy
  14. Cats
  15. Cuddling with someone nice during a movie
  16. Kissing and making out
  17. Getting actual mail: letters and package
  18. Bubble bath
  19. Having energy
  20. A nice walk
  21. Lots of pillows and comfy bed
  22. Good night sleep
  23. Talking all night
  24. Going to the zoo
  25. Sailing
  26. Swimming
  27. Good Morning Greeting
  28. Spooning: I like the inner spoon
  29. Flirting
  30. A good tone male hairless chest
  31. A fit six pack ab
  32. Bright blue or blue-green eyes
  33. A nice smile
  34. Hair on the a guy’s head that I can run my hand through
  35. A night of card or board games with friends

I’m just Tipsy

I hate talking when someone is drunk. . .
they get loud, frisky, and always seem to have argumentative ideas.
I either think they are always right or they have to save all of the world’s problems right there and then.
They also pull answers out of the thin air.
Why can’t just people drink quietly and go to bed?

 

On a bar note: 

I hate being drunk. . . I’m afraid I will get taken advantage of. . . I have to be in control.

Many of my friends think I am looser when I had a drink or two.

Just do not get me to pass to my emotional drunk, because then I am a wreck, bitchy, jealous, and no fun.

Health issues. . . GRRR Vs ZZZZZ

Health wise . . . I have felt like I’ve been stuck upside on a rollercoaster. I mean I get a good energy day like the other day. . . I wrote over 4000 words, made dinner, help straighten the place up, made coffee, and helped with whatever anyone needed. Then all day yesterday I was drained. . . I could barely get out of bed.

I hate it when I over do myself on a high energy Why can’t I ever just have energy and get good sleep to do it again the next day? I mean on my draining days there are times even coffee doesn’t help.

One good day and I can be down for a day, a few days or even a week. When I am drain but up I get headaches and I feel like a zombie trying to focus. Grrr.

Between my zombie insomnia and my rough sleep apnea: a good night sleep is hard.

Why me? It makes it really hard to focus.

The Small Things

 

1. A good cup of coffee
2. Candy
3. A Sweet text
4. Fried chicken
5. Soda-pop (pepsi)
6. New notebook
7. New colored pens
8. Clean clothes with tide
9. Clean sheets
10. First kiss
11. A good movie
12. A good book
13. Agood joke
14. Laughing
15. Not having to put groceries back at the register
16. Lilacs
17. Carnations
18. Writing a story
19. Finishing a writing project
20. Massage
21. Writing several blogs
22. A bubble bath
23. Going out
24. Ice cream
25. Cheesecake
26. Dark Forest Cake
27. Time to write
28. Music
29. Secretly dancing
30. Good night sleep
31. Energy
32. A good song
33. Friends
34. Family
35. Body Spray
36. a long drive
37. Coloring
38. drawing
39. Painting
40. Pie