When I get stressed I easily get sick and/or drained. Over this last week I have been up and down. Yesterday was hard on me. . . plans got cancelled. My medical insurance has issues now everything is pushed back and my anxiety is on high. My body fights between insomnia and bad sleep from sleep apnea.
I crashed only to eat dinner at 9 last night. I was exhausted eating I was careful not to choke. However I went for a walk last night to get candy and coffee (that would be my autobiography be called “Candy and Coffee.”) I walked home took like three sips of my coffee put in the fridge and thought about it all night even in my twisted dreams.
My brother went to hand me it this morning, and it slipped and spilled all over the carpet . . .damn it. It just fits into the ahhhhh theme this week. Okay back to rotating water and Pepsi.
Tomorrow is a new day and this are going to to get better.
Things that make me happy
- Getting an a long e-mail
- Good Sex with lots of foreplay
- Hours of unbothered writing
- Writing 10,000 words in a day
- Finishing (reading) a good book
- A story with a good twist
- Not being able to predict something
- Going out
- Helping others
- Making others happy
- Cuddling with someone nice during a movie
- Kissing and making out
- Getting actual mail: letters and package
- Bubble bath
- Having energy
- A nice walk
- Lots of pillows and comfy bed
- Good night sleep
- Talking all night
- Going to the zoo
- Good Morning Greeting
- Spooning: I like the inner spoon
- A good tone male hairless chest
- A fit six pack ab
- Bright blue or blue-green eyes
- A nice smile
- Hair on the a guy’s head that I can run my hand through
- A night of card or board games with friends
I hate talking when someone is drunk. . .
they get loud, frisky, and always seem to have argumentative ideas.
I either think they are always right or they have to save all of the world’s problems right there and then.
They also pull answers out of the thin air.
Why can’t just people drink quietly and go to bed?
On a bar note:
I hate being drunk. . . I’m afraid I will get taken advantage of. . . I have to be in control.
Many of my friends think I am looser when I had a drink or two.
Just do not get me to pass to my emotional drunk, because then I am a wreck, bitchy, jealous, and no fun.
1. A good cup of coffee
3. A Sweet text
4. Fried chicken
5. Soda-pop (pepsi)
6. New notebook
7. New colored pens
8. Clean clothes with tide
9. Clean sheets
10. First kiss
11. A good movie
12. A good book
13. Agood joke
15. Not having to put groceries back at the register
18. Writing a story
19. Finishing a writing project
21. Writing several blogs
22. A bubble bath
23. Going out
24. Ice cream
26. Dark Forest Cake
27. Time to write
29. Secretly dancing
30. Good night sleep
32. A good song
35. Body Spray
36. a long drive
2016 was a very challenging year. I felt really stuck and trapped this year, so I really didn’t feel I accomplished that much. I mean I didn’t even finish a book: writing or reading. However I have learned a lot about myself.
My writing accomplishments link here. . . https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/12/30/what-happened-in-2016/
Things I accomplished in 2016
- I am working more on a day schedule. Eh, I know, but maybe I can figure out where to get more writing and editing in.
- I have gone to the doctor myself.
- I have gone to therapy by myself.
- I feel I have more energy.
Things I have learned in 2016
- I loved flavored coffee. (Mocha, coconut, caramel vanilla, and Chocolate raspberry are my favorite.)
- My cat will look all over the house when I am gone.
- I miss my cat very much.
- Therapy really works as long as you are open and honest with the therapist and yourself.
- I like cats sometimes better than people.
- I would be a good vet assistant or care-giver.
- I have less anxiety when I am busy.
- I live and deal better when I am on my own.
- I can do chores better when I am by myself (at my own time and doing it my own way.)
- I’m sorry, but I am not a baby or kid person. (I rather have a fur-baby that purrs.)
- I have learned I hate to be controlled or told what to do. I do NOT deal with authority well.
- Distance is just a number when love is involved. (still makes me sad my “wolfie” is not here.)
- I secretly like to fold towels and peel potatoes.
- I do not like being treated like a 15 year old who needs a babysitter.
- Not driving really limits me. (But I am terrified of getting in an accident again.)
Why does it seem lately that everything seems better in my head?
In my head: I wanted to go out to all you can eat wing place for my birthday and then have presents and dark forest cake afterward with part of my family and a few friends. There were would be laughs and good time with everyone.
Reality: I had several cats naps, because my sleep schedule is way off. Then for dinner a store bought pizza that wasn’t bad, but not what I wanted. I wanted a dark forest cake (chocolate and cherries), but what I got was a pumpkin pie that was just okay.
In my head: I am cuddling and getting massages with my boyfriend and playing with my cat.
Reality: I’m helping my ex without my cat.
In my head: I am touring promoting my books and give huge universe lectures on how to write a novel.
Reality: I can’t even write in my diary. Damn writer’s block.
Reality Vs Fantasy: Sometimes reality sucks.
Did I do something wrong?
Today I was in the mall and Walmart. . . normally no big deal but it was Black Friday.
They were not as crowded as I thought they would be.
I always thought it was like war and crazy people fighting each other for the last whatever was on sale. Maybe the movies make too much of the craziness. I never went shopping on Black Friday, because I thought the crowds would be crazy, the lines be long, and there would have been more violence. I didn’t want to get into a fight just because you save 40% on an item.
It was not like that at all, people were helpful, no fights, and lines were shorter than I thought. I did get a few gifts bought which was nice.
I even got to hang out with an old friend who is family and his beautiful fiancee and we also got china buffet. Sushi! Yum.