Online Dating- Eh!

First of I am a bbw. . .Big Beautiful Woman. I am not a model or superstar. I am a writer who loves to cook, bake, cats, cuddle, and movies.

Secondly, I consider myself a D.U.F.F . . . most peoples designated ugly fat friend. . . I’m not ugly, but my truthful words can be. I rarely drink (its over a year) so I’m the sober friend that will tell you exactly how it is and most people are afraid to face it. (This one guy asked me why did he kept getting cheated on. . . he had a nice job and he was a too trusting guy. . the mean girls made him feel sexy, but they just used him for flirty money or a ride while they fuck a bad boys. I told him, they see a nice and they will use him. I also told him that he needed to find a nice yet creative girl; someone who likes to roleplay so she could pretend to be the mean girl. . .last I heard he was married 5 years now with two kids.)

I was in a relationship with a creative geek, and I’m seeking another, locally. Someone totally into me and can calm me down when I get anxious and nervous. Someone who let’s me call the shots, but I still feel safe with.

I’ve tried plenty of fish, match, Eharmony, OkCupid etc.

Okcupid— If I didn’t mention something sexual, my profile barely got looked at. I’ve dealt with drunken horn-dogs and forgeign guys asking me to marry them for visas. The owners of this site did get better with finding those and created selective searches which helped. However the horn-dogs are still on their.

Match— its nice for the first 5 days while you have a platinum trial, but after then, its like they push to buy silver pack or gold pack you need to see more like if Joe B. likes you. I’ve seen sites say you have three admirers, but you must pay in order to see them. When did love cost so much? Isn’t greedy to put a price on your heart? I guess love really is a luxury. If I had 29.95 per month, I wouldn’t put it on a “what if Joe B.gets my four line email.”. . . I can put it on groceries, a pet, gas, bills, movies, save for a vacation etc.

Craig’s list— I did try this a few times. I met one guy and found a lot of horny catfish. The one guy complained about everything, but he could have whatever he wanted. . . but nothing made him happy. I hope he finds happiness. (Note: there was too many illegal things going on with the sex trade, so they closed their personals.)

Plenty of fish were full of the wannabe busy bad boy who just wanted a good time instead of a relationship. I probably sent 6 dozen messages, but I rarely got a message back. When I did, I got called names like pig, cow, fuggly bitch etc. Or I would get messages from married men wanting a secret relationship or I even caught a few catfish. (They complain that their wives or girlfriends didn’t want sex since the baby was born, but I never those guys helping their partner take care of the kids or get a family member to watch while they a nice hotel for relaxation and rest. Pamper and romance your girls, damnit!)

Eharmony— I failed their test twice. They claim that only happens to like 7% but I think its more. I read this article, and its happened more than not. . .

“How Do You Get Rejected By Eharmony? Start By Telling the Truth.”

Susan Isaacs

Eharmony christian robots are a very small group.

(Note: I’ve tried other Christian sites, and as much as I believe in Jesus Christ, I have many other beliefs which clash with many beliefs of the stricter Christian churches. For example, I believe in women dominants as much as men, and that charity is like pass it forward, help those in need, you don’t just have to work through a Church for it to count. Jesus did most of his ministry in the streets. So Christian sites don’t work for me. I will post a future blog getting more into this.)

However Eharmony and this lovely lady’s article inspired me.

Eharmony used to ask like 100-200 questions in 24-25 different sections of your daily life. . . I researched this, and I will explain on this sections and such throughout the month of August.

I got rejected twice so this way I can still get my answers out.

Please do not think, I am telling not to try online dating, but it has been more frustrating than hopeful for me.

This is strictly coming a bigger set female hopeful to find other people in the world who understand her. I’m not even seeking love at the moment.


Finding a Guy

After my semi vanilla relations, (Oct to Dec (2017)) . . . I’ve learned I cannot not go vanilla, but I do want to date and cuddle.

I want a positive, ambitious submissive boyfriend. (I do not want a mindless drone or a complainer.)

However I’m slowly learning that life or fate will never put you in the wrong spot. I learned I need to let life do it’s thing. I should not push because I feel desperately lonely.

I’ve learned life will put in me in the right place, at the right time, even if I’m confused in the present.

I just need to do my thing and Mr. Right will be there when I probably least expect it.

Meanwhile I should enjoy my life: good writing, good family, and good friends.

I just to realize I will find that genuine people that I’m into, but they are not into me. I’m not everyone’s favorite soda-pop or cup of tea.

I simply need to move on and focus and believe life knows what it is doing.

My Short Stories

I’m writing Short Stories.

I put my feelings in each one. These are flash fiction but very personal. In the last few year my heart and soul shattered, each of these pieces are my a piece of shattered heart and soul.

I hope to find myself and piece myself together.

I’m posting them on my Short Story blog. . .

Rebekah Quinne Short Stories

I’m giving him 5 more days and I’m done

I laugh because I know he will still haunt me. (He celebrated his birthdays for weeks, not days.) 

I’m talking about my ex Tom. He was my longest relationship so far. It is hard to get him out of my head . . . he passed away from cancer January 13, 2017.  (Saturday will be his anniversary of his death.) 

So starting today, I’m going to highlight a different thing about him until Saturday and I will write out his funeral the way he would have wanted it. 

(I find it funny that I told myself I was going to give myself until December 31st, 2017 and move on. He and I both know I am trying, but when someone lives you for 8 years of your life, they make an impact. ) 

5 minute rant: saving my self

Why don’t people listen to me when I say they can’t handle me

I have depression and anxiety, and there are times I cannot deal with life. I need to go into my Sim games, my art, my walking, or most of my fictional writing.  It is a process for me to come back to me. I’m usually a very positive, perky person, but over the years, life has worn me down. 

I need positive people. I need someone who will encourage me, to keep my spirits up. 

I do not need someone who complains about everything in life. I do not need someone so toxic that even the sun shine is bitch. I met someone like this. .  . and tried to be friends. He never ask me about me, just complained about everything from work to his place to food. He even tried to joke about his complains, thinking he was being cute. A complaint is a complaint whether you whine, snap, bitch, or laugh about it.  I couldn’t take it, and said whatever. (That was my depression talking, but I realize I couldn’t help him, and he was pulling me down. He made me feel insecure of who I was, and I had to save myself.)

I did feel bad he had no friends, but now I know why. 


Then he said he was done, but I’m not going to fight back. I know is going to complain about me. I have my own problems. However I hope down the road, he find someone special and string who makes his complaints fade away. (Even though I’m hurt, I still hope he finds happiness. That is just who I am.)


I’ve been thinking about what security is for me. Many say money is security, but 90% of jobs are not secure any more, so how can money be security. . . unless you own more than one business, have good stocks, or is a CEO of a major corporation. Most of these bosses will cut a guy working there ten year to hire two guys to do the same job for just a few dollars less. So money is not security. 

Money is nice, but I really would not know what to do with lots of money. . . I know if I won the lottery, I was told in a dream. . .. That 2/3rds of the money must go to someone or thing else. So I would give to charities and places and people that have helped me in my past. It would also go to people who need that extra boost.  I like helping people. 

However too much money would worry me as I afraid someone would break in and hurt the ones I care about or myself just to get some money that they will blow on alcohol and drugs to hide from their conscience that they did wrong. When they run out of their crutches, they will hurt someone else for more money. Too much money, even with a security system and trained pets, is not security for me

I know extra money is nice to travel, dine out, shop, go to parties or enjoy more things. Then it also scares me that people show up when you have money that would have never been there if you were broke. How do you know your friendship or relationship are build on trust or the false security and wrong love of money?

Security to me is when I have my hand in my special guy and I feel I can take on the world. I feel safe and truly loved ( not the love over what you have, but who you are). This has happened only once ( Tom). I hope to have the feeling again. I just hope the man I feel safe and secure with also loves and truly, loyally adores me. 

My bday . . . Why bother?

My birthday is Wednesday and I know it sounds like a bad lifetime movie, but after the year I had, I wanted a boyfriend for my birthday. 

However I met a guy just before Halloween, and it was nice and exciting at first. . . 

 But then I realize he was not the same guy. . . It was like he split personality. . .  Fun Tigger, which as time went on I rarely saw and wanted to complaining Eeyore. I have my own issues of depression, anxiety, and pstd which I’ve been holding back because I been trying to help him, but whatever I say rarely matters, because once he stops complaining over one thing, he’ll easily find another. 

We agreed to just be friends. I have this feeling his next thing he’ll complain on is my birthday. He was the one who promised me to take me and such. . . I never asked for it

I’m just not looking forward to my birthday and it sucks. 

I mean a nice dinner but with a complaining Eeyore, SIGH.