My Current Soundtrack

My Current Soundtrack.

These songs mean something to me at the moment.

  1. “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks or “Crazy Bitch” by Buck Cherry (For my many mood swings)
  2. “Counting Stars” By One Republic (I am still hoping for my dreams.)
  3. “Unwell” By Matchbox 20 (Self-explanatory)
  4. “Demons” By Imagine Dragon (Fighting my temptation and depression in monster and demon form)
  5. “Monster” by Imagine Dragons and “Monster” by Rhainna (I’m either fighting the monsters or hanging with them.)
  6. “I’ll Be there” (Free Willy) by Michael Jackson (The world expects me to be a super hero.)
  7. “Infected” by Repo! Genetic Opera (I feel like my sinuses and health kick my ass)
  8. “S&M” by Beyonce (I’m a dominant, sensual Mistress.)
  9. “Things I wouldn’t Say” by Avril Lavgine (If you knew me, why would I have to say them.)
  10. “Freak The Freak out” by Victorious (I’m always freaking out nothing)
  11. “Take a Hint” by Victorious (Too many guys just do not get it, I am not interested. Do you match my blog, if not then why bother?)
  12. “Weird” By Hanson (I never seek normal).
  13. “Desperado” by The Eagles (I love singing this songs, and sometimes I think I will ended up alone.)

 

Honorable mentions

  1. “Complicated” Avril Lavgine
  2. “The Thunder Rolls” Garth Brooks
  3. “Still Haven’t Found what I’m Looking For” by U2
  4. “Beautiful” By Christina Aguilera
  5. “Zombie” By The Cranberries
  6. “Created a Monster” By B.o.B.
  7. “Titanium” by

 

Music is divided to me in different moods.

 

Love Songs

  1. “Just as You Are” by Bruno Mars
  2. “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Buble
  3. “Dream of Me” by Kirsten Dunst
  4. “Love Song” The Wedding Singer by Adam Sandler
  5. “Say You Won’t let me go” James Arthur
  6. “A Thousand Years” Christina Perri
  7. “Let Her go” Passenger
  8. “Collide” Howie day
  9. “Never Let Go” Hanson
  10. “Dance with me Tonight” by Olly Murs

 

Happy or Encouraging Songs

  1. “Titantium”
  2. “This Time Around” by Hanson
  3. “Shake it Off” Taylor Swift
  4. “Wake Me Up” by Avicii
  5. “Happy” by
  6. “I Like to Move It” by
  7. “Cha Cha Slide” by Casper
  8. “Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven
  9. “Rock Star” Nickelback
  10. “Shine in a Bag” By Gorillaz Or “Pocket of Sunshine” by Natasha Bedingfield

Inspiration Songs

  1. “Cups” (Pitch Perfect) by Anna
  2. “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons
  3. “Drift Away” by Bob Seger
  4. “You’ve got a Friend” James Taylor
  5. “I’ll be There” (Free Willy) by Michael Jackson
  6. “Imagine” by Mercy Me
  7. “I’m Sensitive” “Life Uncommon,” or “Angel” by Jewel
  8. “Need” by Jonathan Jackson
  9. “You Rise Me Up”by Josh Gorban
  10. “Shameless” by Garth Brooks or Billy Joel

Sad Songs

  1. “Angel” Sarah McLachlan
  2. “Without You” Mariah Carey
  3. “The Rose” By Bett Mittler
  4. “Desperado” The Eagles
  5. “Chasing Cars” Snow Patrol
  6. “My Heart Will Go On” Céline Dion
  7. “I don’t want to miss a thing” Aerosmith
  8. “Bridge of Trouble Waters” Simon and Garfunkel

Angry Songs

  1. “Bad Things” by Wednesday 13
  2. “Fuck the World” By ICP
  3. “Down with the Sickness” By Disturbed
  4. “Don’t Get Mad, get Even” By Aerosmith
  5. “Enter Sandman” By Metallica
  6. “Zombie” By Cranberries
  7. “Crazy Bitch” Buck Cherry
  8. “Fuck the Pain Away” Peaches
  9. 2w

 

 

 

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My Favorite Celebrities

My Current Favorite Male Celebrities

 

  1. Jamie Dornan                                                             (Actor/Model)
  2. Marcel Vigneron                (TV Chef)
  3. James O’Halloran                (price is right model)
  4. Gabriel Mann                (director, actor)
  5. Jonathan Brandis (director, actor, writer, RIP)
  6. Taylor Hanson (Musician, actor)
  7. Zak Bagans (Ghost Adventures host)
  8. Robin Williams (Actor, comedian, RIP)
  9. Nicolas Cage (Actor, producer)
  10. Kevin Love (Basketball player)

 

Honorable Mentions

  1. Jensen Ackles (Actor, director, musician)
  2. Jared Palacki (Actor)
  3. Ryan Gosling (Actor, musician)
  4. Neil Patrick Harris (Actor, musician)
  5. Paul Walker (Actor, RIP)
  6. Health Ledger (Actor, RIP)
  7. Jeese Spencer (actor)
  8. Nev Schulman (Catfish host)
  9. Wayne Brandy (Host, actor, musician)
  10. The Rock (WWE wrestler, actor)
  11. Michael Simon (host,   American Iron chef)
  12. Hugh Laurie (Actor, musician)
  13. Jack Black (Actor, musician)
  14. Stephen King (Author, actor)
  15. Tom Hanks (producer, actor)

Just because they are not on this list, there are a many male celebrities I would star struck with if I met them.

 

My Current favorite Female celebrities.

 

I am more drawn to men, so that is why this list is shorter. Hollywood makes women seek so picky, b*tchy and fake to me. The ones that make the list seem very real to me.

  1. Kat Dennings (Actress)
  2. Alex Guarnaschelli (Host, American Iron Chef)
  3. Anne Rice (Author)
  4. Kate Winslet (Actress)
  5. Rachel Ray (Host, chef)
  6. L. James (Author)
  7. Emma Stone (Actress, Musician)
  8. Kari Byron (Sciencist, Co Host Myth Busters)
  9. Katy Perry (Musicians)
  10. Emily VanCamp (Actress)

 

Honorable mentions

  1. Cat Cora (American Iron Chef)
  2. Kirsten Dunst (Model/Actress)
  3. Taylor Swift (Musician)
  4. Carla (Host, chef)
  5. Shannon Woodard (Actress)
  6. Angelina Jolie (Actress, producer)

2017 things I want. . .

It’s been ten years and I have noticed a lot of thing have changed in who I am and what I want.

This is my list from 2007

 

2007 in THINGS I HAVE WANTED TO DO (INNOCENT AND GUILTY):

  • Have my own place.
  • Have my own car. (Note: Paid and manage by me. Not a hand me down.)

(How can I have my own car when I freak out behind the wheel?)

  • Have a “rainy day” stash of money
  • Buy something I can wear that’s designer

(Really? I’ve never gone after something designer. In fact, I cannot stand dressing up and heels.)

  • Have sex outside

(I have a list on my naughty blog. I really do not like outside, especially with my sinuses.)

  • Wake up to a guy kissing me
  • Have a guy spoil me with nothing sexual in return
  • Be romanced (Candle light, bath, flowers dancing etc.)
  • Tickle and cuddle with a guy without sexual tension
  • Continued to be romanced

(I never believed that I deserved to be romanced and swept off my feet, but with Tom had a few really nice moments.)

  • Write another stage play
  • Finish at least 3 out of 10 of my scripts within the year
  • Publish at least one novel under my own

(11 to 13, I’m still working on my writing, but I have learned that it is a process.)

  • Publish a book of poetry It’s now smash words
  • Manage a credit card for one year and keep good credit
  • Fine a guy who fits my personality (someone who can put up with me) (RIP Tom)
  • Have someone throw me a surprise party (preferably on my Birthday) (Worst wish ever)
  • Go to Disney World or Land with my boyfriend (before marriage or kids of my own, so I can still act like a kid.)
  • Get the guts to sky dive
  • Sky dive

(19 & 20 I’m not sure what I was thinking when making this list, but not common sense.)

  • Have a friendship with a guy and have it turn into a relationship without it ruining the friendship
  • Get my scripts put on the “big screen”
  • Have a guy who looks attractive like me for me
  • Learn patience
  • Learn independence

(23 & 24 I’ve learned I need people in my life and I am not a patient person and I do not want to be. Why would I ask for that?)

  • To bake for my boyfriend (For Health reasons.)
  • To go on birth control
  • Not to have kids until I’m at least 29
  • Find a guy my age for an activity partner: Movies, music, darts, bowling, putt-putt
  • To score at least 200 in a game of bowling

(Now that is a laugh. I have bowled probably like 5 times in the last ten years, unless you count wii bowling and I have over 200 with wii bowling.)

  • To find a guy who will take care of me when I’m sick
  • Learn self-control
  • Learn self-discipline
  • Learn self-motivation
  • Be financially secure

(32 to 35 I just want to be able to be constant with my writing and eventually make a profit with my written artwork.)

 

2017 What I want now

 

  1. No kids, I want at least two cats
  2. Poly house
  3. To make money on my writings
  4. To finish and publish my writings
  5. To have my own agent and editor
  6. To have my own place with a nice kitchen and my own office
  7. I want to be able t dine out at least once a week
  8. Once I get a guy, I want a constant date per week.
  9. Indoor picnic
  10. More cuddling
  11. Breakfast in bed
  12. More massages
  13. More hours of soaking in the tub
  14. To know my mom and brother are taken care of
  15. Constant encouragement

 

Deal Breakers

Deal breakers

  • Cat Haters 
  • Smokers
  • Kids
  • Extreme pain
  • Abusive tempers
  • And biggest one liars 

 

I cannot handle liars and the Internet is full of them. 

Doms pretending to be a sub so they wrestle another dom for a power struggle. . . It’s like a secret turn on to them. 

Catfishing pretending to be someone else. . . Fake pics, fake facts, why are you doing this?

Saying you’re single when you have a girlfriend or wife and kids.  (I’M seeking a submissive boyfriend, I want your entire attention. I will not be second rate or just a play toy.)

 

If you are any of those, please leave me alone

 

Chatting games

I try not to play the “hard to get” chatting games. 

I’m trying to be more open in the dating pool, but I know what I want and yet the doors are current closed. 

So I chat, but then guy gets aggressive even at my polite pushing away. 

  • “I’m not into your interests.
  • “I need to go to bed”
  • “We don’t live close, I’m seeking someone local. “
  • “I do not want just a chat, I want a real life relationship.”

 If I tell exactly how I see it, I sound like a b*tch

  • “I see us talking online, but then you will lie or be aggressive about something you really want and make me uncomfortable.” (Pusher)
  • “You’ll talk to me try to get pic and get off or I say no and you go on the the next easy chatter. You won’t chat again or if you do you ask for more pics.” (Pic weasel because the term I want to use is not nice)
  • “We chat for a few days, until either one say that is deal breaker ” (delayed dealbreaker I ask my deal breaking issues on chat 1.)
  • Chat, one date,  no call (fearful brats)

    I want a text, chat to continue after the first date, and then second and a third date etc. 

    If I don’t think we are going to be at least friends, then why are we even chatting? 

    What I want. . . In texting. . .

    I want my submissive boyfriend cuddly, obedient, and semi-clingy. 
    I want to hear from them several times throughout the day.
    I’m not a morning person BUT I love morning messages. . .
    Like. . .
    “I woke up this morning and thought of you. . .”
    “I had a wild dream of you. ”
    “Wish you were talking a shower with me ”

    OR day time messages. . .
    “Just got out of work. . . Thing of you.”
    “Wish you were here”
    “Hugs and/or kisses”

    I sleep better with night messages
    “Wish you were here to cuddle with me”
    “Wanted to wish you a good night”
    “Miss you honey”

    It’s obedience to keep constant with the texting, but I want them to mean it. (I’m not into guys  who don’t communicate.)

    I want a guy who thinks of me and excited to be with me. I know that guys can be interested in more that just naughty things because I’ve had a few who were interested in me for me. Time and distance pulled us apart. Sigh.

    There is this new guy. . .

    Don’t you just love hearing. . . There is new guy?

    I finally met a guy online who I connect with, didn’t cancel the date with some lame excuse, and he was very cute. 

    However this has made my anxiety go to extremes. I’m afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.  

    It has taken me so many empty conversations and bad pictures with guys and girls to get here. It makes it even more valuable.

    He is intelligent, creative, and wants a challenge. 

    My damn anxiety keeps me questioning me . . . 

    • Am I up to his expectations? 
    • Am I at his level?  
    • Is he interested me or just lonely ? 
    • Does he just want fun?
    • Is he for real?
    • Am I really good enough for HIM?
    • Am I dominant enough for HIM?

    I need to just enjoy the time we have together, but these thoughts hang on the back of my head.

    But there is this new guy. . .(excited and nervous)

    Baggage

    I used to watch the game show called Baggage. Jerry Springer was the host. There was the main person, male or female which had a piece of extreme baggage. Then they get to see three or four of the wanted type of partner with their small, medium, and large baggage. 

    It made me think what is my baggage. 

    Small baggage: I’m very close to my family. I moved back in with them. (My ex didn’t want me to work, so when he passed away, I had nothing. I try to help support my family and they help and support me.)

    Medium baggage: I am seeking someone to inspire me and support my writing career. 

    Large baggage: I have health issues which encourages me to entrance more of a dominant life style. I am a dominant yet sensual mistress who loves control. I love chastity and other fetishes. I want a submissive boyfriend who wants me for who I am and supports me. 
    Surprising baggage: I do not want kids, and I will not date those with kids. I rather have 2 to 3 cats. I helped raise my brothers and was forced into an education major, this burnt me out. I want adult fun, writing my book, like running around the house naked or have dinner parties or traveling more.