Days 26 & 27

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

Day 26: When was the last time you were too hard on yourself? What do you think you could have done to treat and comfort yourself instead?

It was last February, I told by this guy I had met before, he was going to be at a diner we were meeting at, so I ordered a quesadilla waiting for him. He never showed and I had to use my family’s laundry money for that week.

I didn’t get another for myself for months as by felt bad. I haven’t been on a date since as I feel if I cant afford to take myself out, then I can’t date.

My family barely makes it was into week, I don’t feel I can comfort myself until My health is better and In have no idea when that is.

Day 27: What is the main barrier to you having positive self-esteem? How can you break free from it?

My current living situation and health issues, energy, weight, and loneliness are my barriers from me seeing thing in a constant positive outlook in life.

I feel my landlords keep putting rule after rule (some I feel are unjustified), I feel smothered. Now they are posting that they can deny it kick a person out for any reason. (My family pays on time, but I’m very moody and opinionated and I’m afraid one I’m going to blow up emotionally and get my family kicked out. I feel like my mood swing make me unlikable and unattractive.)

My other health issues have made me more introverted . . . I’ve been called bad and mean names for my weight and it hurts. Ive been struggling to lose weight because of the hormones I’m on.

I also felt like a failure because I couldn’t appease or make other family members proud. I’ve always been a black sheep, but I currently said screw it, I’m me, I love my writing, and it’s not my job to make others happy. The only person I can make happy is me.

note: I have been seeing doctors and I am working on my health. I hope by next year to get out more.

Thank you for likes

I was worried that I wasn’t being read.

Still I kept posting, because I need the release. I’ve been tired and kind of discouraged.

I’m glad there are those who read and liked my blogs.

Please enjoy the past pieces and the future one.

Yesterday was my best so far on WordPress with this page.

Thank you to my fellow readers.

Days 19 to 22

I’m trying to better myself

I’m sorry, but due time issues and sleep problems I’ve put the last four days together.

Day 19: Do you have an activity that makes you feel alive and good within yourself?

1. Writing

2. Playing with Cats

3. Cooking

4 playing games: SIM or jeopardy

5. Music

Day 20: Has your self-esteem improved with doing this challenge? If so, how?

I learned I’m stronger than I thought. I can find the good in me if I just tried a bit more.

I would answer more, but I’ve been fighting sleep issues

Day 21: Name at least 5 things that you are good at.

1. Writing

2. Cooking

3. Shopping

4. Singing

5. Managing. . . Schedules, planning , to-do lists

Day 22: Which of your skills or abilities do you pride yourself on?

I am proud of this skills

My writing

My baking

My cat care

My cooking

My scheduling and list making skills

I’m a very spiritual person

I final my spirituality in many things. . .especially art, music, and outdoors. (The are elements I do not like about outdoors like the bees and insects.) However I love to walk in the fall with my mp3 player and just focus on what God/Godess has created. (I get more into the God/Goddess issues on my spiritual blog http://spiritualbeck.wordpress.com/ )

I have many playlists and I have a worship playlist. . . In which I get caught up comtempary Christian, and other motivating and touching songs. I love when I have my headset on and I’m just into the music completely undisturbed. (It has helped my anxious and blue moods at times.)

I spiritual in most thing such as art. I love abstract art.

I love food and it can be a satisfying and spiritual experience.

Again I post my spiritual moments, beliefs, and such in my spiritual blog.

Not a morning person. . .

My sleep apnea makes me tired all of the time, but between 5am and 11am, I am at my worst. I am not a morning person. Coffee barely helps, but when it does, I make sure to get things done. (Especially when I have to do my chores and my mom’s chores, while she is down from her hernia surgery.)

• Try to Get up
• Make coffee
• Make breakfast
• Check meds
• Clean dishes
• Organize laundry
• Cook lunch
• Clean dishes
• Take out trash
• Banking
• Pay bills
• Shopping
• Laundry
• Cook dinner
• Dishes
• Make beds
• Clean bathroom
• Help mom out with medical stuff
• Schedule doctor appointments
• Fix broken phone
• Take out trash again
• Extra errands like get a new ID
• Make coffee again
• Find time for self
• Try to sleep

Yes this sounds like a normal to-do list for someone, but it’s hard when I am fighting energy when I have multi-health issues.

I’m trying not to complain. . .

First I am not the neatest person in the world. . . But majority of people are freakin’ pigs.

My mom is having hernia surgery, and I’m in the hospital waiting on here recovery . . . I look around and there are cookie, chip wrappers . . . Pick up your own trash, damn idiot. Would you leave wrappers all over your house? Then why at a public place?

I hate when smokers think it’s ok to smoke right next to the door, so the smoke hits the nonsmokers as they walk in and out. I refuse to get sick or die from lung cancer because of your bad habit. (I have enough bad habits of my own.)

Now I keep seeing cigarette buds on the sidewalks, in the street. . . It just looks really bad.

Today just topped the cake, I rush into the bathroom with a bellyache from bad salad and anxiety, and the toilet was covered with piss and wads of toiletpaper. Maybe it was a kid who couldn’t reach the toilet, but it’s the parents responsibility to clean up after their kids and teach their kids to clean up after themselves. If an adult did that shame on you. I even may flush twice, just to make sure the toilet is clean.

Thank you cleaning people, maids, and janitors who clean the mess of two legged pigs.

I’m working on my blog series

I took most of eharmony intense questions, and I’m posting blogs about them between this blog and http://rebekah1213.WordPress.com

I’ve learned a lot about myself.

I will post a list of what I learned at the end of the month, but my biggest thing is I’m trying to be more positive and to be happy with just me.

Learn more https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2018/08/12/new-personal-prompts/

Internet grrrrrr

Our internet has been shotty at best this week and it has fried my nerves. Grrrr.

Over the weekend we a few hours where internet worked but these last five days the internet cannot get through. . . grrr.

Do NOT advertise you have free WiFi if you don’t.

I am writing this August 7th into 8th.

I use WiFi for blogging, communication, research, and therapy. I need WiFi. This is driving me crazy.

No Internet Weekend. . . ah. . .Grrr

I had a no internet weekend, and not because I wanted to. . .I think out router in our modem went out. Of course when I want to research. . . grrr.

Its different than a few weekends ago when I purposely took a break from the internet.

I use sites for therapy, research, my blogging, etc. Sigh.

You do not like me when I have no internet. . . Angry Bear…. Grrr.

I hope the modem stays fixed.

So tired

Why am I so tired? Coffee only works sometimes, sigh!

Why don’t I have energy?

I wake up, eat, do some phone calls, take meds, and go back to bed. Sighs!

5 hour energy shots help as long as I drink enough. However the crash is hard!

I hate my sleep issues….apnea and anemia. Between the both, I feel I have permanent mono.

How can I get daily energy?