Dear Santa. . .

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My bday . . . Why bother?

My birthday is Wednesday and I know it sounds like a bad lifetime movie, but after the year I had, I wanted a boyfriend for my birthday. 

However I met a guy just before Halloween, and it was nice and exciting at first. . . 

 But then I realize he was not the same guy. . . It was like he split personality. . .  Fun Tigger, which as time went on I rarely saw and wanted to complaining Eeyore. I have my own issues of depression, anxiety, and pstd which I’ve been holding back because I been trying to help him, but whatever I say rarely matters, because once he stops complaining over one thing, he’ll easily find another. 

We agreed to just be friends. I have this feeling his next thing he’ll complain on is my birthday. He was the one who promised me to take me and such. . . I never asked for it

I’m just not looking forward to my birthday and it sucks. 

I mean a nice dinner but with a complaining Eeyore, SIGH. 

Recent Sleep schedule

Note: I’ve tried to keep coffee stopped by 6pm and soda by 10pm. 

Dec 1 2am to 8:15 9:20 to 10:35       choppy and feels exhausted

Dec 2 4am to 12:15pm                       still exhausted. Choked a few times

Dec 3 1:30am to 6:15 and   6:45 to  8:15 and   9 to 12 very choppy and foggy,                                                                 headache, and crampy
Dec 4 12:15 to 8:05am and 9:15 to 12:35  exhausted, hard to get up 

Dec 5 2:30 to 8:15 and 9:15 to 11:15      bad dream, tossed and turn alot

Dec 6 1:35 to 8:35  and 9:15 to 11 and 11:35 to 1. Foggy, exhausted

Dec 7 1:45 to 10:55 and 11to 1 and 4:45 to 715 could not stay awake

Dec 8 3am to 11:30                                  very choppy sleep

Dec 9 2:45 to 1:15                                     not super tired but foggy
The more I sleep through the night, the better I am. 

Between, hormonal issues, sleep apnea, headaches, depression, and other mental issues. . . My sleep just is not balanced. 

Who I really am. 

  • ​I am a writer.

I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive. 

I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. (Http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com)

  • I am a foodie.

I love food. (Yes, I am a bigger lady, and I am watching my weight for health. However I will not deny a new or fun food experience. )

 I enjoy making food, cooking, baking, and going out. (When I got out, I usually try to order something, I usually I will not make at home.)

  • I am always learning.

I’m always researching for my writing. I’ve learned from life experience as well. 

I enjoy reading and finding out more about all kinds of things.

  • I am a bear. (Or a bulldog whatever is cuter.)

I am a very determined person. The loyal person. The type of person who would do whatever I had to.

 I may be sweet or cranky doing it, it depends on how people treat me. 

Being on best behavior 

When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior. 

  1. No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
  2. I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
  3. No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
  4. Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
  5. Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
  6. Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite) 
  7. No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
  8. Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.) 
  9. Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
  10. Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)

I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me. 

I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have

Pep talk. . .

My anxiety, ptsd, and depression has really been knocking me down. Sometimes I’ve got to be my own cheerleader.  . . Here is some me messages for a pep talk. 

It’s okay to care, but guard you heart.

It will be okay. 
Things will work themselves out. 

Enjoy your writings (all of them:innocent and naughty.)

Always be crazy and creative, it’s a fine line. 

Y to Z of my expression. 

If you see these words in my writings. . . these are what the words mean to me. 

Yay! I’m happy and/or excited. I’m looking forward to something. 

Good. I’m semi-happy, content. I’m usually out of writing mode. 

OK/fine. My go-to answer.  I’m not so bad, but nothing new or exciting. 

Meh. I can take it or leave. Nothing new. Semi-bored. 

Blah. I’m very bored or semi-sad. Please take me out. Please excite iron inspire me. 

Eh. I’m sad or not feeling good. Please cuddle, chocolate, soup or all three. 

ZZZ. I’m so depressed I’m not getting out of bed, “Good away!” I’m extremely tired. 

19 Unknown things about me

19 random FACTS about yourself that may surprise people.
1. Do you make your bed everyday? No

2. What’s your favorite​ number? 13

3. What is your dream job? I’m trying to do it, haven’t gotten paid yet. 

4. If you could, would you go back to school? Maybe

5. Can you parallel park? I can operate a car, but I get freaked out with other cars on the road. 

6. A job you had which people would be shocked that you once held? I got paid to keep quiet once, I gave them a refund. Lol

7. Do you think aliens are real? They may be, I have no personal evidence 

8. Can you drive a stick shift? Kind of 

9. Guilty pleasure? Chocolate, flavored coffee, bubble baths, and soda

10. Tattoos? Not yet, considering

11. Favorite color? Purple, black, silver, and crimson.

12. Things people do that drive you insane? Dressing up pets

13. Phobia/fear? Pregnancy, getting in a car accident, and ending up homeless

14. Favorite childhood game? Life

16. Do you like doing puzzles? Yes like tetris 

17. Favorite Music? Rock and pop

18. Tea or Coffee? Coffee

19. First thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? Singer

40 things about me

​40 interesting things about me.

1. Do you like blue cheese? No

2. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi

3. Do you own a gun? No

4. What flavor Kool-aid? Fruit punch

5. What do you think of hot dogs? Best on grill

6. Favorite TV show? Big bang theory, Dharma and Greg, 2 broke girls, and criminal minds

7. Favorite movie? Forest Gump, interview with a vampire, beetljuice

8. What do you drink in the morning? Coffee 

9. Can you do a push up? If I have to. 

10. Favorite piece of of jewelry? I don’t wear any. 

11. Do you have a hobby? Writing and cooking

12. Do you have A.D.D. ? No

13. Do you wear glasses? Yes –

14. Favorite cartoon character? Tom and Jerry, tigger

15. Three things I did yesterday? Chatted, wrote a scene in my novel, and cooked. 

16. Three drinks you drink regularly? Coffee, Pepsi, hot tea

17. Current worries? That I am never going to find someone I have a true connection with 

18. Current dislikes? stupid people, lairs, and cat/dog haters

19. Favorite place to go? I currently don’t have a real place, but I love the secret place in my head. 

20. How did you bring in the new year? In the hospital supporting my dying ex

21. Where would you like to go? England, Scotland, Ireland, France, Italy, and Solvika

22. Name five people who will do this? I have no idea. 

23. Childhood hero? Anne Rice

24. Favorite color? Purple, black, silver, and crimson

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets ? I like the idea

26. Can you whistle? Yes

27. Where are you now? home 

28. Would you be a pirate? No

29. Favorite food? Italian

30. Favorite time of the day? Night

31. 3 wishes? Enough money, I will never worry over bills, completely furnished house, and success with my writing

32. What are you thinking right now? I should get some sleep. 

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Someone trying to hit on me

34. Favorite animal? Cats 

35. What’s your most current injury? Cat scratch from kitten I rescued. 

36. How many tv’s are in your house? 2

37. Worst pain ever? Migraine and my cramps

38. Do you like to dance? Only when no one is looking

39. Are your parents still alive? Yes

40. Do you love life? Pieces and moments

November all for me. 

I am not a selfish person, but next month is all about me. I am working on my writing and hopefully myself. 

My goal is in 2018 to move forward and away from my past.

I have two projects. . .  (Each project is 50,000 in 30 days)

  1. Finishing the The Broken Path 50,000 plus. 
  2. Working on the ghost stories for the Broken Path.

    I hope to figure myself out and do something for me, write.