My birthday is Wednesday and I know it sounds like a bad lifetime movie, but after the year I had, I wanted a boyfriend for my birthday.
However I met a guy just before Halloween, and it was nice and exciting at first. . .
But then I realize he was not the same guy. . . It was like he split personality. . . Fun Tigger, which as time went on I rarely saw and wanted to complaining Eeyore. I have my own issues of depression, anxiety, and pstd which I’ve been holding back because I been trying to help him, but whatever I say rarely matters, because once he stops complaining over one thing, he’ll easily find another.
We agreed to just be friends. I have this feeling his next thing he’ll complain on is my birthday. He was the one who promised me to take me and such. . . I never asked for it.
I’m just not looking forward to my birthday and it sucks.
I mean a nice dinner but with a complaining Eeyore, SIGH.
- I want a house (shared with family) with my own space. I don’t need my own per say, but just my own space that I can make my own.
- Desk for my working computer with a comfy chair
- My own recliner with soft sheet set.
- Place for my writing
- Bigger kitchen to cook and bake
- I want a book shelf where I can store my books. Note: buy more books
- I want at least two cats. I want them cuddly and trainable. Yes, I have trained my cats, to beg for treats, follow me, and ask for food.
- I want a place close to city where mom or I can find at least a part time job.
- I want a place where I can paint.
- I want a bathroom with a large tub, I can soak in.
- Internet and cable throughout the house.
- Good heat and a/c
- Friendly neighbors
- More friends that really get me
- I want my health and sleep to get better
- Honest people (No catfish and canceled dates)
My anxiety goes up and down. I take a test for my health issues: anxiety, depression, and stress.
- I am a writer.
I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive.
I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. (Http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com)
- I am a foodie.
I love food. (Yes, I am a bigger lady, and I am watching my weight for health. However I will not deny a new or fun food experience. )
I enjoy making food, cooking, baking, and going out. (When I got out, I usually try to order something, I usually I will not make at home.)
- I am always learning.
I’m always researching for my writing. I’ve learned from life experience as well.
I enjoy reading and finding out more about all kinds of things.
- I am a bear. (Or a bulldog whatever is cuter.)
I am a very determined person. The loyal person. The type of person who would do whatever I had to.
I may be sweet or cranky doing it, it depends on how people treat me.
I am not a selfish person, but next month is all about me. I am working on my writing and hopefully myself.
My goal is in 2018 to move forward and away from my past.
I have two projects. . . (Each project is 50,000 in 30 days)
- Finishing the The Broken Path 50,000 plus.
- Working on the ghost stories for the Broken Path.
I hope to figure myself out and do something for me, write.
I can rant and go on and on, but my brain still will not stop. This has caused me insomnia and . ..
I’ve tried. . . .
- breathing exercises, in 1-2-3 and out 1-2-3
- Turning off the TV
- Cutting down on my caffeine after 4
I’m still up 5 out 7 nights a week with my everlasting thoughts.
- Health issues, when will I get fixed
- Why do my hormones keep making me a b*tch?
- Food issues is there ever enough
- Why do I feel so useless? I do help with errands, and cooking
- Writing scheduling
- Errand scheduling
- Sleep issues and why I cannot sleep when I supposed to.
- Guys vs what I want
- Hope’s and dreams vs depression
This what my head is like . . .
My Current Soundtrack.
These songs mean something to me at the moment.
- “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks or “Crazy Bitch” by Buck Cherry (For my many mood swings)
- “Counting Stars” By One Republic (I am still hoping for my dreams.)
- “Unwell” By Matchbox 20 (Self-explanatory)
- “Demons” By Imagine Dragon (Fighting my temptation and depression in monster and demon form)
- “Monster” by Imagine Dragons and “Monster” by Rhainna (I’m either fighting the monsters or hanging with them.)
- “I’ll Be there” (Free Willy) by Michael Jackson (The world expects me to be a super hero.)
- “Infected” by Repo! Genetic Opera (I feel like my sinuses and health kick my ass)
- “S&M” by Beyonce (I’m a dominant, sensual Mistress.)
- “Things I wouldn’t Say” by Avril Lavgine (If you knew me, why would I have to say them.)
- “Freak The Freak out” by Victorious (I’m always freaking out nothing)
- “Take a Hint” by Victorious (Too many guys just do not get it, I am not interested. Do you match my blog, if not then why bother?)
- “Weird” By Hanson (I never seek normal).
- “Desperado” by The Eagles (I love singing this songs, and sometimes I think I will ended up alone.)
- “Complicated” Avril Lavgine
- “The Thunder Rolls” Garth Brooks
- “Still Haven’t Found what I’m Looking For” by U2
- “Beautiful” By Christina Aguilera
- “Zombie” By The Cranberries
- “Created a Monster” By B.o.B.
- “Titanium” by
Music is divided to me in different moods.
- “Just as You Are” by Bruno Mars
- “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Buble
- “Dream of Me” by Kirsten Dunst
- “Love Song” The Wedding Singer by Adam Sandler
- “Say You Won’t let me go” James Arthur
- “A Thousand Years” Christina Perri
- “Let Her go” Passenger
- “Collide” Howie day
- “Never Let Go” Hanson
- “Dance with me Tonight” by Olly Murs
Happy or Encouraging Songs
- “This Time Around” by Hanson
- “Shake it Off” Taylor Swift
- “Wake Me Up” by Avicii
- “Happy” by
- “I Like to Move It” by
- “Cha Cha Slide” by Casper
- “Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven
- “Rock Star” Nickelback
- “Shine in a Bag” By Gorillaz Or “Pocket of Sunshine” by Natasha Bedingfield
- “Cups” (Pitch Perfect) by Anna
- “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons
- “Drift Away” by Bob Seger
- “You’ve got a Friend” James Taylor
- “I’ll be There” (Free Willy) by Michael Jackson
- “Imagine” by Mercy Me
- “I’m Sensitive” “Life Uncommon,” or “Angel” by Jewel
- “Need” by Jonathan Jackson
- “You Rise Me Up”by Josh Gorban
- “Shameless” by Garth Brooks or Billy Joel
- “Angel” Sarah McLachlan
- “Without You” Mariah Carey
- “The Rose” By Bett Mittler
- “Desperado” The Eagles
- “Chasing Cars” Snow Patrol
- “My Heart Will Go On” Céline Dion
- “I don’t want to miss a thing” Aerosmith
- “Bridge of Trouble Waters” Simon and Garfunkel
- “Bad Things” by Wednesday 13
- “Fuck the World” By ICP
- “Down with the Sickness” By Disturbed
- “Don’t Get Mad, get Even” By Aerosmith
- “Enter Sandman” By Metallica
- “Zombie” By Cranberries
- “Crazy Bitch” Buck Cherry
- “Fuck the Pain Away” Peaches
My Current Favorite Male Celebrities
- Jamie Dornan (Actor/Model)
- Marcel Vigneron (TV Chef)
- James O’Halloran (price is right model)
- Gabriel Mann (director, actor)
- Jonathan Brandis (director, actor, writer, RIP)
- Taylor Hanson (Musician, actor)
- Zak Bagans (Ghost Adventures host)
- Robin Williams (Actor, comedian, RIP)
- Nicolas Cage (Actor, producer)
- Kevin Love (Basketball player)
- Jensen Ackles (Actor, director, musician)
- Jared Palacki (Actor)
- Ryan Gosling (Actor, musician)
- Neil Patrick Harris (Actor, musician)
- Paul Walker (Actor, RIP)
- Health Ledger (Actor, RIP)
- Jeese Spencer (actor)
- Nev Schulman (Catfish host)
- Wayne Brandy (Host, actor, musician)
- The Rock (WWE wrestler, actor)
- Michael Simon (host, American Iron chef)
- Hugh Laurie (Actor, musician)
- Jack Black (Actor, musician)
- Stephen King (Author, actor)
- Tom Hanks (producer, actor)
Just because they are not on this list, there are a many male celebrities I would star struck with if I met them.
My Current favorite Female celebrities.
I am more drawn to men, so that is why this list is shorter. Hollywood makes women seek so picky, b*tchy and fake to me. The ones that make the list seem very real to me.
- Kat Dennings (Actress)
- Alex Guarnaschelli (Host, American Iron Chef)
- Anne Rice (Author)
- Kate Winslet (Actress)
- Rachel Ray (Host, chef)
- L. James (Author)
- Emma Stone (Actress, Musician)
- Kari Byron (Sciencist, Co Host Myth Busters)
- Katy Perry (Musicians)
- Emily VanCamp (Actress)
- Cat Cora (American Iron Chef)
- Kirsten Dunst (Model/Actress)
- Taylor Swift (Musician)
- Carla (Host, chef)
- Shannon Woodard (Actress)
- Angelina Jolie (Actress, producer)
I try not to play the “hard to get” chatting games.
I’m trying to be more open in the dating pool, but I know what I want and yet the doors are current closed.
So I chat, but then guy gets aggressive even at my polite pushing away.
- “I’m not into your interests.“
- “I need to go to bed”
- “We don’t live close, I’m seeking someone local. “
- “I do not want just a chat, I want a real life relationship.”
If I tell exactly how I see it, I sound like a b*tch.
- “I see us talking online, but then you will lie or be aggressive about something you really want and make me uncomfortable.” (Pusher)
- “You’ll talk to me try to get pic and get off or I say no and you go on the the next easy chatter. You won’t chat again or if you do you ask for more pics.” (Pic weasel because the term I want to use is not nice)
- “We chat for a few days, until either one say that is deal breaker ” (delayed dealbreaker I ask my deal breaking issues on chat 1.)
- Chat, one date, no call (fearful brats)
I want a text, chat to continue after the first date, and then second and a third date etc.
If I don’t think we are going to be at least friends, then why are we even chatting?