I’m sorry this post is late, but just before Thanksgiving I got gout, and I’ve been healing and sleeping ever since.
We had a good Thankgiving holiday in which I’m very thankful for. However there was no drama just family, friends, food and laughter. (It was nice, but I was waiting for someone to breakout or a couple bickering in the background, but just enjoy each other and food. Its sad that I’m used to that around the holidays.)
I’ve been sleeping a lot just to heal my painful ankles.
I’m taking part in 31 day self challenge. . . From http://www.7cups.com
That I posted here. . . https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/
Day 1: Self Esteem Challenge – List 10 things that you love about yourself. (Physical or personality)
1. My writing http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com
2. My musical ability
3. Giving nature
4. Strength
5. Control
6. Endurance
7. My hope
8. Sense of humor
9. My hair
10. My eyes
I go to a therapy site that has helped quite a bit http://www.7cups.com
I will admit if I could afford in would try a few of the therapist there and maybe a few new paths.
I’m on the free account and forums really help, the path and the listeners sometime help. However I usually get good feedback and encouragement on the forums.
On one of forums they have a monthly challenge for positivity and building yourself up.
I’m going to post my answers on their and here. I’m going to try daily.
“The challenge is over 31 days, each day presenting a new task, encouraging us to value ourselves and recognize our skills and qualities. The tasks include:”
Day 1, October 1: List 10 things that you love about yourself. (Physical or personality)
Day 2: List 5 things that make you smile or happy.
Day 3: What is one fear or goal that you would like to conquer?
Day 4: What do you do to feel better when you’re having a bad day?
Day 5: What’s your proudest accomplishment?
Day 6: What are some obstacles that are preventing you from accomplishing your goals? What will you do to overcome them?
Day 7: Do you think you care too much about what others think? If so how can you change that?
Day 8: What is a food you enjoy that makes you feel good?
Day 9: Do you have genuine respect for yourself and who you are as an individual? And if not, how can you change that?
Day 10: Are you happy with your “inner person”? If so, why or why not?
Day 11: Is your self-talk negative or positive? If it is negative, what are some more positive ways to talk to yourself?
Day 12: What’s the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? Why did it make you feel this way?
Day 13: Share about the last time you felt confident in yourself. Why did you feel that confident?
Day 14: Is there someone in your life who makes you feel good about yourself? If so, who and why?
Day 15: Do you like your personal appearance? If so, why? If not, what are some ways you could view yourself differently?
Day 16: Do you have makeup, clothing or an accessory that makes you feel positive about yourself? If so what is it, and how does it make you feel positive?
Day 17: What do you do to feel calmer when you’re stressed?
Day 18: Do you like the way you talk? If so, why? If not, how can you view it more positively?
Day 19: Do you have an activity that makes you feel alive and good within yourself?
Day 20: Has your self-esteem improved with doing this challenge so far during the month? If so, how? If not, why not?
Day 21: Name at least 5 things that you are good at.
Day 22: Which of your skills or abilities to you pride yourself on?
Day 23: What is your ideal outcome of this challenge?
Day 24: Do you compare yourself to others? How can you be more focused on yourself?
Day 25: If you met a person that was just like you, would you like them? If so, why? If not, how could you view the person more positively?
Day 26: When was the last time you were too hard on yourself? What do you think you could have done to treat and comfort yourself instead?
Day 27: What is the main barrier to you having positive self-esteem? How can you break free from it?
Day 28: What do you consider to be healthy self-esteem? Does this match the dictionary definition of healthy self-esteem?
Day 29: What do you think of your teeth and your smile? Do you like them and if so, why? If not, how can you view them more positively?
Day 30: Validation is important to our self-esteem. Do others encourage you? If not, what are some ways that you can ask them to so your self-esteem is improved?
Day 31: Rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10? Has your self-esteem improved?
Note: All of the credit goes to http://www.7cups.com
I posted a simple version of this on my therapy site 7 cups.
I’ve been to 2 therapists, one kept pushing a job, but I have energy issues.the second one kept saying most are my issues are hormonal.
My main thoughts in no particular order. . .
1. Are the different pieces of my family ok? My mom has her health issues. My dad side of he family still not talking to me. . . But I still think of them. My closest brother has health issues (but sometimes, I think he does better than me.). My one brother just got married and other just graduated with many options ahead for him. I have a very young sister, so young she could easily be my own daughter and yet, I haven’t gotten to bond with her. I rather play with the toddler than the infant. I have a sister-in-law who I wish I so could chat with more, but it all just turns into he-said, he-said drama.
2. When can we have our own space (My family and I?) (My mom, brother and uncle live in a very tight space, and it’s very crowded and not as fun as like the show “My Name is Earl.) I would just like my own desk, working computer, WiFi, and recliner to sleep in.
3. I can’t work, and a few doctors will write notes, but government facilities will not count it. (Stupid president killed that.) I can’t work, I can’t sleep right: I go to bed tired, I wake up tired. No one wants me to use those 5 hour vitamins shots, but it’s the only way I can function for errands.
4. I can’t lose weight due to hormones I’m taking and bad sleep issues. The body needs to be balanced and get right sleep in order to function correctly. I lose 5 pounds, but gain ten in water weight. I’m going to scream if I get more doctor thinking all of my health problems are based on me being overweight. I can’t work so I can’t buy decent groceries. Because of weight I feel I’m ugly and not worthy. . . My doctors or media do not help my self esteem.
5. I can go from sweet and caring to bitter and mean. I’m also losing the propper, politeness filter of saying things especially when I’m flustered. My family know I’m bruntly honest, and I try to watch for other’s feelings, but they call me the bear, because I can snap and growl for no reason. I’m afraid to date because it’s bad to snap for no reason in the middle of a date. I don’t know all of my triggers. I know it’s hormonal, and my doctors don’t seem to care.
6. My energy versus my “luck” versus my writing. I love to write, but my lights and computers keep breaking. . . I feel like fates are against me writing, why God/Goddess, why? Writing helps me release and express myself. I’m borrowing the third desk light from a neighbor. I have two computers: one broke in which wires are exposed, my other computer’s fan is broken and charger over heats. I’m using my mom tablet to write this because my tablet needs to be plugged in at all times and tries to run every program at once. (Even when I have them turned off, it’s like if my Wi-Fi is on, it tries to override my controls.)
7. Why can’t I have a cat? Cats help my anxiety, especially petting them when they purr. The current land lady doesn’t even want us feeding the old stray, friendly mama cat.
8. Where can I advertise my blogs? I feel I do not have enough readers and fans, but I feel Facebook pushes it too much.
https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/
9. Why am in pain at least 5 days out of week? Headaches, pelvic pains, sinus pains, back pains, hip pain. . . Cramping when it’s not even my lady time. WTH? What is wrong with me? (I will let the doctors do their tests, but they can’t say it’s my weight.) I feel I get passed from doctor to doctor (as if they don’t want me) leaving me with more questions than any solutions. . .
10. I am so easily distracted. I can’t mediate or focus without someone or something pulling away my attention, especially during the day. So I try to write between the hours of 11pm to 3am, sometimes later, but I have to have a day schedule on at least Friday’s and any day I have a doctor appointment.
11. I’m lonely. I am not sure why all my so-called friends left me once my ex died. Were they only his friends, and I was just along for the ride? If it wasnt for me, they wouldn’t have hung out as much. I rather have a bunch of friends that hug me (and sometimes understands me,) than a random boyfriend who will just cheat on me when he realize with my health issues I cannot give him physical intimacy.
12. Can, I please win the Mega millions jackpot? I mean. . .May I please win the Mega millions jackpot? God/Goddess, you know 66% (2/3rds) will go to help others just like we agreed. I need a place to call home again, preferable our old land with a new house on it. You know if I had the choice right now. . . I would choose money over love. (I had love with Tom, and now it’s my time to work on me and help others. PLEASE. Today, I am buying a lottery ticket, may it have the six winning lottery numbers on it, again, please.).
13. I’m tired of the constant depressed and anxious feelings. . . That instant feeling of doom just around the corner. I hate how I am instantly sad like I want to cry but no reason why. . . Or I snap without warning. Who would want a friend who can bite your head off figuratively speaking?
There are more problems but these are the main issues that constantly boil in my head . . . It’s hard to sleep when my mind doesn’t stop. Maybe since I vented, I can sleep better. . . We’ll see.
Now you may go back to regular scheduled program. . . Lol.
I went to the doctor. . .
However why am I more tired with my meds, then when I was off of them?
I know at four doctors I need to schedule in. . . Maybe four if I need a specialist for my hands. ( They keep swelling, and my joints hurt. It hurts sometimes to hold a pen or fork.)
I’m doing camp Nano but I’m only giving myself a word count of 30,000 for my main goal. It’s only 1k per day. I thinkmi can type that. I did 35,000 both last August and November. I how to write a book of short stories. I talk more about it in my writers blog. . . Rebekah Quinne
I also hope to walk at least three times a week. I want to get in better shape and get more energy. I’m hoping to sleep better from it and get more focus.
The thing is I’m doing this for me. I’ve learned that I need to focus on myself and heal myself before I can help others.
I do enjoy sleep when I have good dreams and the air is just right not too hot or too cold. The blanket is comfy and smells good. I wake up actually feeling refreshed.
This usually only happens maybe 1 time out every 50.
I usually wake up stiff, tired or exhausted (like I didn’t sleep at all). I’ve either hot, cold, in pain, with a headache. . . Or have to wake up due to my bladder or panic attack or choking with breathing problems.
Sometimes I can sleep for 12 hours and feel like I had not slept all. Sometimes I can run all day on four good hours of sleep, again, this is rare. My depression makes me want to sleep even more and not get out of bed.
I have sleep apnea where I do not get enough air in or out. I snore very loud, get dry mouth, grind my teeth, wake up with jaw pain, and headaches.
Apnea makes me wake up choking, my lips to be blue due to lack of oxygen, my head is foggy and it’s hard to focus, my eyes twitch, my eyes are heavy. I get migraines and my stomach don’t settle.
My animea makes me exhausted. I was so tired from the lack of blood cells that I have choked on my food several times.
Caffeine or lack of caffeine really screws me up. If I drink coffee or energy (no ginsing) at the wrong times and my day and night schedules are off.
My anxiety fills my head will ideas and I’m up with insomnia, but I am usually a zombie.
With all of these problems sleep is hard for me.
My birthday went better than I thought. We had a nice dinner and a really nice shopping spree. I truly wasn’t expecting it. . .
I got. . .
I really did make out. I appreciate everything John did. He made me brownies and got me rocky road ice cream. I had a really good birthday and weekend.
I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive.
I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. (Http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com)
I love food. (Yes, I am a bigger lady, and I am watching my weight for health. However I will not deny a new or fun food experience. )
I enjoy making food, cooking, baking, and going out. (When I got out, I usually try to order something, I usually I will not make at home.)
I’m always researching for my writing. I’ve learned from life experience as well.
I enjoy reading and finding out more about all kinds of things.
I am a very determined person. The loyal person. The type of person who would do whatever I had to.
I may be sweet or cranky doing it, it depends on how people treat me.
If you see these words in my writings. . . these are what the words mean to me.
Yay! I’m happy and/or excited. I’m looking forward to something.
Good. I’m semi-happy, content. I’m usually out of writing mode.
OK/fine. My go-to answer. I’m not so bad, but nothing new or exciting.
Meh. I can take it or leave. Nothing new. Semi-bored.
Blah. I’m very bored or semi-sad. Please take me out. Please excite iron inspire me.
Eh. I’m sad or not feeling good. Please cuddle, chocolate, soup or all three.
ZZZ. I’m so depressed I’m not getting out of bed, “Good away!” I’m extremely tired.
In my head 