April is going to busy

I know at four doctors I need to schedule in. . . Maybe four if I need a specialist for my hands. ( They keep swelling, and my joints hurt. It hurts sometimes to hold a pen or fork.)

I’m doing camp Nano but I’m only giving myself a word count of 30,000 for my main goal. It’s only 1k per day. I thinkmi can type that. I did 35,000 both last August and November. I how to write a book of short stories. I talk more about it in my writers blog. . . Rebekah Quinne

I also hope to walk at least three times a week. I want to get in better shape and get more energy. I’m hoping to sleep better from it and get more focus.

The thing is I’m doing this for me. I’ve learned that I need to focus on myself and heal myself before I can help others.


Finding a Guy

After my semi vanilla relations, (Oct to Dec (2017)) . . . I’ve learned I cannot not go vanilla, but I do want to date and cuddle.

I want a positive, ambitious submissive boyfriend. (I do not want a mindless drone or a complainer.)

However I’m slowly learning that life or fate will never put you in the wrong spot. I learned I need to let life do it’s thing. I should not push because I feel desperately lonely.

I’ve learned life will put in me in the right place, at the right time, even if I’m confused in the present.

I just need to do my thing and Mr. Right will be there when I probably least expect it.

Meanwhile I should enjoy my life: good writing, good family, and good friends.

I just to realize I will find that genuine people that I’m into, but they are not into me. I’m not everyone’s favorite soda-pop or cup of tea.

I simply need to move on and focus and believe life knows what it is doing.

It’s been awhile

Things I’ve been up to. . .

  • I went out three times this week, which was nice. However I’m exhausted and it’s the weekend, grrr.
  • I worked on a release book. . . For my depression, anxiety, ptsd and spiritual so I can let go things and move on. . . I feel lighter and I’ve been sleeping better.
  • I’ve made several friends which is nice.
  • I’ve been trying to organize my writing.
  • I’m also trying to figure out why computer cord keeps buzzing: I think it’s a mixture of a bad cord and broke fan either way I need to take it to a computer guy.
  • My hands have swollen from writing so much. I think it’s carpal tunnel syndrome. . . Because water pills don’t always help and there is pain too. Bummer, huh?
  • I have finished draft one of my thriller novella trilogy “Driving Lies.” I know I keep bragging, but it’s a project that about 150,000 words give or take divided into three parts that started as a corny thriller script I wrote as a teenager because I needed more action in my life.
  • I’ve cooked a lot with the slow cooker.

I’ve been busy. I always try to stay busy.


I do enjoy sleep when I have good dreams and the air is just right not too hot or too cold. The blanket is comfy and smells good. I wake up actually feeling refreshed.

This usually only happens maybe 1 time out every 50.

I usually wake up stiff, tired or exhausted (like I didn’t sleep at all). I’ve either hot, cold, in pain, with a headache. . . Or have to wake up due to my bladder or panic attack or choking with breathing problems.

Sometimes I can sleep for 12 hours and feel like I had not slept all. Sometimes I can run all day on four good hours of sleep, again, this is rare. My depression makes me want to sleep even more and not get out of bed.

I have sleep apnea where I do not get enough air in or out. I snore very loud, get dry mouth, grind my teeth, wake up with jaw pain, and headaches.

Apnea makes me wake up choking, my lips to be blue due to lack of oxygen, my head is foggy and it’s hard to focus, my eyes twitch, my eyes are heavy. I get migraines and my stomach don’t settle.

My animea makes me exhausted. I was so tired from the lack of blood cells that I have choked on my food several times.

Caffeine or lack of caffeine really screws me up. If I drink coffee or energy (no ginsing) at the wrong times and my day and night schedules are off.

My anxiety fills my head will ideas and I’m up with insomnia, but I am usually a zombie.

With all of these problems sleep is hard for me.

I’m giving him 5 more days and I’m done

I laugh because I know he will still haunt me. (He celebrated his birthdays for weeks, not days.) 

I’m talking about my ex Tom. He was my longest relationship so far. It is hard to get him out of my head . . . he passed away from cancer January 13, 2017.  (Saturday will be his anniversary of his death.) 

So starting today, I’m going to highlight a different thing about him until Saturday and I will write out his funeral the way he would have wanted it. 

(I find it funny that I told myself I was going to give myself until December 31st, 2017 and move on. He and I both know I am trying, but when someone lives you for 8 years of your life, they make an impact. ) 

2018 Goals

Things I want to accomplish in 2018

  1. I want tto write more my writing blog 
  2. I need to figure out and fix my medical issues
  3. I want to exercise more
  4. I want a boyfriend who gets me
  5. I want to help my mom and brother get a better place

I want 2018 to be way better than 2017. 

I want to be healthy, happy, and hopeful. 

2018 Goals

Things I want to accomplish in 2018

  1. I want tto write more my writing blog 
  2. I need to figure out and fix my medical issues
  3. I want to exercise more
  4. I want a boyfriend who gets me
  5. I want to help my mom and brother get a better place

I want 2018 to be way better than 2017. 

I want to be healthy, happy, and hopeful. 

What I Learned in 2017 

  1.  Life is short. ( My ex boyfriend/fiance died at age 36 from cancer within the first two weeks of January. Life is short so make the most of it.)
  2. You can never have too many friends. (It seems like they are harder to make and keep as we get older?.)
  3. Do not settle ( it does not bring happiness.)
  4. Its OK to vent and let it go. Once you let it go stop, complaining. Complaining can turn toxic. (Just remember this as you complain, it can always be worst!)
  5. Its OK to cry. (It helps the release. If you need to make excuse to cry, a chick flick and ice cream helps.)
  6. There are still “good” people out there. (Sometimes you need to get a bad person to appreciate the good people in your life.)
  7. People need to stop lying. (I am honest and I wanted to save feelings, but lying to someone is not worth it. Stop catfishing while you’re at it people. There are 7.6 million people in this world, I’m sure you’ll eventually find someone who likes you foir if you stop lying and complaining.)
  8. Anxiety and depression meds can change your personality. It is not for the good. (The good news it is usually temporary and you can go back to normal when the pills work through your system. If this happens, communicate openly with your doctors and be specific.) 
  9. Money is nice but is does buy happiness and does not make me feel secure. (my security blog Writing make me happy. Being with positive people makes me happy. Cooking and baking makes me happy.)
  10. I need to stop comparing my past to my future. (New and different adventures are awaiting for me.) 

    I hope 2018 is way better than 2017. I did learn a lot.