What I want right now…

  • I want a house (shared with family) with my own space. I don’t need my own per say, but just my own space that I can make my own.  
  1. Desk for my working computer with a comfy chair
  2. My own recliner with soft sheet set.
  3. Place for my writing
  4. Bigger kitchen to cook and bake
  5. I want a book shelf where I can store my books. Note: buy more books
  • I want at least two cats. I want them cuddly and trainable. Yes, I have trained my cats, to beg for treats, follow me, and ask for food.
  • I want a place close to city where mom or I can find at least a part time job. 
  • I want a place where I can paint. 
  • I want a bathroom with a large tub, I can soak in.  
  • Internet and cable throughout the house. 
  • Good heat and a/c
  • Friendly neighbors
  • More friends that really get me
  • I want my health and sleep to get better
  • Honest people (No catfish and canceled dates)
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Who I really am. 

  • ​I am a writer.

I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive. 

I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. (Http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com)

  • I am a foodie.

I love food. (Yes, I am a bigger lady, and I am watching my weight for health. However I will not deny a new or fun food experience. )

 I enjoy making food, cooking, baking, and going out. (When I got out, I usually try to order something, I usually I will not make at home.)

  • I am always learning.

I’m always researching for my writing. I’ve learned from life experience as well. 

I enjoy reading and finding out more about all kinds of things.

  • I am a bear. (Or a bulldog whatever is cuter.)

I am a very determined person. The loyal person. The type of person who would do whatever I had to.

 I may be sweet or cranky doing it, it depends on how people treat me. 

Y to Z of my expression. 

If you see these words in my writings. . . these are what the words mean to me. 

Yay! I’m happy and/or excited. I’m looking forward to something. 

Good. I’m semi-happy, content. I’m usually out of writing mode. 

OK/fine. My go-to answer.  I’m not so bad, but nothing new or exciting. 

Meh. I can take it or leave. Nothing new. Semi-bored. 

Blah. I’m very bored or semi-sad. Please take me out. Please excite iron inspire me. 

Eh. I’m sad or not feeling good. Please cuddle, chocolate, soup or all three. 

ZZZ. I’m so depressed I’m not getting out of bed, “Good away!” I’m extremely tired. 

November all for me. 

I am not a selfish person, but next month is all about me. I am working on my writing and hopefully myself. 

My goal is in 2018 to move forward and away from my past.

I have two projects. . .  (Each project is 50,000 in 30 days)

  1. Finishing the The Broken Path 50,000 plus. 
  2. Working on the ghost stories for the Broken Path.

    I hope to figure myself out and do something for me, write. 

    Rolls eyes

    I suck. . .

    At playing it cool.

    I bite my tongue when he asks if I am ok as I am afraid I would chase him away with everything in my head. He doesn’t want to hear my true feelings, he barely texts he misses me. 

    He doesn’t want to hear that I am freaking out because I feel like he rather be somewhere else 9 times out 10 we text. Or that I’m freaking out because I do not feel I am good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, quiet enough, strict/dominant enough.  . . He wants to me to demand him what to do, how to do it and simply be happy with that. 

    He is out bettering himself. I cannot even get up to get a can of soda. I made dinner, but didn’t finish my fantasy football list. I feel completely deflated and not worthy.

    I cannot sleep.

    My mind will not stop.

    All I do is freak out.

    I’m loud and cannot play it cool. 

    What is wrong with me?

    Therapy exercise

    I was asked “Where do I see myself in a year?” 

    This year, from Sept (2016) to Sept (2017), I’ve learned that so much can change in the year. 

    • By next Sept (2018), I hope to have my thriller novella trilogy being sold in real book stores. 
    • I also hope to help my mom and brother have their own place with two cats.
    • I hope I am with a great guy who gets me, but that is icing on the cake. 

    My goal is to put my past behind me and build my confidence. 

    Where do I see myself in 5 years?”

    (When I was in therapy, I had said I wanted to be with a guy, I found out was a catfish.) I realize I need  to focus on me. 

    • I hope to be on book tours and lectures and selling my books.
    • I hope my family is taken care of.
    • I hope to be with someone, but again it is icing on the cake. 

    I try to focus a day at a time, not to look at the future. I get anxious thinking about it. 

     

    The things I really need to hear

    1. Enjoy today

    2. Nothing that you worry about will matter a year or five years from now

    3. If they don’t appreciate you for you are, it’s not worth it.

    4. Keep writing, you are really good at it. You will be successful. 

    5. I love when you are happy. 

    6. You are beautiful or sexy. 

    7. Smile more

    8. Sing, dance, color, it’s fun.

    9. Enjoy what life has to give you.

    10. It will be okay. 

    Baggage

    I used to watch the game show called Baggage. Jerry Springer was the host. There was the main person, male or female which had a piece of extreme baggage. Then they get to see three or four of the wanted type of partner with their small, medium, and large baggage. 

    It made me think what is my baggage. 

    Small baggage: I’m very close to my family. I moved back in with them. (My ex didn’t want me to work, so when he passed away, I had nothing. I try to help support my family and they help and support me.)

    Medium baggage: I am seeking someone to inspire me and support my writing career. 

    Large baggage: I have health issues which encourages me to entrance more of a dominant life style. I am a dominant yet sensual mistress who loves control. I love chastity and other fetishes. I want a submissive boyfriend who wants me for who I am and supports me. 
    Surprising baggage: I do not want kids, and I will not date those with kids. I rather have 2 to 3 cats. I helped raise my brothers and was forced into an education major, this burnt me out. I want adult fun, writing my book, like running around the house naked or have dinner parties or traveling more.  

    Ideal day

    My ideal day would be

    8:30 Wakes up after hitting snooze twice. Get breakfast with coffee

    9:00 Works out on indoor bike

    9:30 Shower

    9:45 Lotion, priming body

    10:00 Checking email, research and notes or outlines for writing or errands

    12:00 lunch

    12:30 writing my blogs, novels

    4:30 make dinner, or errands 

    6:30 have dinner and clean up. 

    7:00  Be with family or boyfriend before bed, TV, games etc

    11:30  Research, read, and relax before bed, maybe a bath

    1:30 go to bed.