Be careful what you wish for

I was with a guy who is now my ex. We were together off and on for eight years. We had our good moments and a our bad. The last year was bad . . . I had extreme depression and anxiety which I am still working on. He was paying more attention to my friends than me. . . and slept with them both.

 

Then I wanted Karma to get him back to have him feel the way I did. . . cold, depressed, and alone.

I never wanted him to get sick. Please take my lesson and be careful what you wish for.

 

Now I do not think he can see his new girlfriend and she can’t see him, so maybe Karma gave me my wish. . . However I do not feel better about it.

 

Night of Living Links. . .

More links to blogs of me. . .

A little more about me. . .

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/04/02/secrets-vs-privacy/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/08/26/this-is-who-i-am-in-a-nut-shell/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/what-i-think-of-me/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/who-i-am-the-harsh-truth/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/a-few-surveys/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/another-survey/

 

My Addictions With pictures

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/common-addiction/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/my-therapeutic-addiction/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/09/28/my-favorite-20-foods-that-i-make-at-home/

 

Health issues including Anxiety and Depression

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/04/17/shadow-on-the-sunny-side-of-the-street/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/03/28/is-there-hope/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/health-issues/

 

Drama and distraction (I guess, to be honest, they are one in the same with me.)

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2013/11/17/tapped-out/

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/slowly-fading-away/

 

My Heaven

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/levels-of-heaven/

 

My Hell

https://rebekah1213.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/my-ten-levels-of-hell/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A poem

I have not written poetry in a while. Maybe I will start again. . .

This for someone very special.

My Written Angel. . .

He walks within

The typed

With the sweetest words

Just for us

To see. . .

Even in pain

He is there for me

Why?

How?

Do I deserve. . .

A gentle soul?

He is hidden

Within the words

 

© 2016 Rebekah Quinne

Things I have learned in 2015

I have been through a lot in 2015, and I’ve decided that it is in the past.

However I have learned A few things this past year. . .

  1. Be careful in whom you trust.
  2. Family will always be there for me!
  3. It is okay to take care of me. And put myself first especially with health issues.
  4. I am not as diabetic as I thought I was; however, that doesn’t mean I can’t start now to prevent it. Diet and exercise!
  5. There are many fish in the sea.
  6. I cannot pretend to be who I am.
  7. I should Never settle—I am worth more than that! My happiness is important!
  8. Be careful what/ who you wish for… it may not be the thing you want.
  9. Sleep is a good thing.
  10. You can overcome depression get upland take one day at a time.

I just want 2016 to be better and brighter than 2015. I believe that good people and things are yet to come.

5 Minute Rant: Facing my past

I will give myself these things called 5 minute rants. . . I will time myself for 5 minutes and I will go on about everything and anything. . . I will try to stay within topic.

Today’s topic. . .

Getting over my past. . .

Here is the thing. . .  I saw my ex & my ex best friend from high school having sex. I walked in on them. I refuse to keep it a secret! So I lost a friend of 17 years and a boyfriend of 8 years, sucks huh? Anyway I’ve had nightmares, and there are moments where I feel lonely; they have both moved on as if nothing happened. I want to move on as well.
However, I am not sure if I am ready to date. . . my step mom said “give it a year.”  I don’t know if I want to wait a year. I heard about giving its month for each year you were together so that would put me in April. Why does he have to move on while I sulk lonely? Where is the fucking fairness in that?

 

Do I move on or be lonely?  Should I skip an opportunity if I am not ready? I’m so confused.

All I know is that 2016 is going to be for me!

Me and my unicorn part 1

I don’t think that I am ready for my unicorn yet, but by some billion chance I run into him, I do not want to let him go. I just wish I had some thing out there to tell me that if he really exist or am I searching for a mythological needle in the theological haystack.

I have been trying to process my break up since September. I do not want give him all of my baggage. However if he is my unicorn he would help me through my baggage.

Me

I am hopeful, generous, and perky. I like to help others, and I am a people pleaser. This allows me to get easily taken advantage of. . .
I want to cook and bake for my guy.
I want to dress up for him.
I want to dance with him.
I am fun, sweet, and kind.
I want him to get my corny sense of humor.
I want to feel secure with him.
I want to be able to take care of each other.
I am very empathetic. I have very strong emotions; I try my best to control them.
I am determined.
I am a kid at heart, but I know when to be serious.
I try to sociable, and I am very close to my family.
I believe in the truth. (If my ass is too big or I have something in my teeth, I want to know.)
I love to laugh. (If you can get me to laugh, then you know I will be okay.)
I want to always be my own person, (I am finally figuring out who that is.)
I always want to have butterflies in my belly whenever I see him.
I want to feel the world stop and that everything is okay when he touches me.

Him

I want someone who is positive and loves what they do.
I want him to look at me like I am the only woman in the room.
I want him to make me laugh.
I want him not to care that I am not that sophisticated.
I want him sentimental and plan surprises.
I want him to be committed to me, mature, but still be a kid at heart.
I want him to hold me, kiss me, and whisper sweet nothing is my ear.
I want someone who is as generous, hopeful, and perky as I am.
I want someone who will accept me, but by doing so allows me to change into a better person.
I him to know I have a few health issues I am working on and that I am trying to get better. . . I want him to be patient with me. (It’s worth the wait!)
I want to learn from them and have them learn from me.
I want someone who understands friends are important. (I want more of an extrovert than introvert.)
I want him to say “thank you.”
I want someone who sees his family more than just holidays.
I want someone who is honest and can handle honesty.
I want him to cook for me at least once at week or at least help me clean up the kitchen.
I want him to give me time for my writing and understand how much it means to me.
I want someone who is my friend.
I want someone who rather take me out than stay home playing a damn video game.
I just want someone who gets me.

Does he really exist or have I been watching too many romance movies?

Bloody Birthday

I am turning 33 today, and all I can think of is the idea that I probably have diabetes. . . (in fact, I am 90% sure, I do.)

Why does it have to be right before the cookie season?

Why does orange juice sound so good?

Grrrr. . .  why me? Yeah, yeah, I know it’s stupid genetics. I have it on both sides.

When will I ever get to have my cake and eat it too? (Even the sugar-free cake makes my blood sugar goes up . . . *Screams*)

Why are the damned fates taking away my sweets and carbs?

I think it wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t have writer’s block too.

Friends, Guys, and my Unicorn

Friends

Currently, I am just seeking friends. I have been lonely, and just want someone to talk to. I just got out of an eight year relationship, and I know I am NOT ready for a boyfriend and/or relationship. I need to focus on me, and fix my shattered heart and baggage before I give myself to someone else.

I grew up with three brothers, so I get along with the guys better. I just think a lot like them. I will have some female friends, but they usually think like me, and they try to avoid drama. When you mix women with men, there is always drama. A likes B, but B likes C, and C likes Z. However Z only likes older people. It just all gets complicated.
I will be friends with females, but I will drop them when they start the drama. They hold grunges, and never let anything go. . . they also don’t believe in things like “bros before hoes.” I just seem to get alone with men better as long sex is not involved. Sex really does complicate everything.

Now unto guys issues. . .

If I say that “I am not interested.” It does not mean hassle me three more times. . . No means No!

I know what I want, and if it is not you. . . I will tell you to move on. I am sick of being so nice and no one listening to me.

I’m very picky in who I want. I do not want to marry or date someone who can barely speak English. I am sick of tell men no.

Look, I hope you find who you are looking for, but chances are it is not me.

I will explain my unicorn now. . .

My unicorn.

Unicorn

“1. (positive)

Your dream person. Your perfect person. The person to whom you wish to be with intimately more than anyone else. This person is characterized by the following statements and application rational.

Statements:

The unicorn is a rare mythological creature:

They have healing powers and can neutralize poison:

Rational:

Despite its rarity, everyone has a unicorn. But everyone’s unicorn is rare to them. This one person can sooth your soul and give you a sense of worth or completeness. Just the thought of this person can heal your innermost pain on the darkest of days. It’s the perfect person.”

Taken from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Unicorn&defid=1650447

My unicorn is someone who loves me for my curviness, my corniness, someone who will serve me as much as I will serve them. . . someone who just gets me.

Physically. . . I want a guy with blonde or sandy brown hair that I can put my fingers through, soulful, blue eyes, a sexy smile, and someone who is fit: thin to medium built. (I am not a Nazi, that look is just the only look that instantly makes me weak in the knees, and it makes my stomach flutter with butterflies. I have dated guys with dark brown hair and brown-green eyes, and it just hasn’t been the same. Call me shallow, bitchy, whatever, I am NOT sorry that I know what I want!)

I mean my celebrity crushes. . . Jonathan Brandis, Taylor Hanson, Ryan Gosling, Leonardo DiCaprio etc ( I like Marcel Vigernon’s cooking and his eyes. I like Jared Padelacki hair, and Jensen Ackles body) There is a pattern here.

However I need to laugh. . . I need someone who supports me and my dreams and allows me to support them and their dreams. Someone who isn’t just a dreamer, but a doer. Someone who is NOT super lazy or needy or extremely sensitive. (I need a man, not a kid. I took care of man-child for eight years, I will NOT do it again!)

I want someone who will go to the doctor’s with me or hold my hand when I am hurt or sick. Someone who will let me take care of them when they are sick.

I want someone who gets along with my family and who wants me to get along with their family.

I want someone who sentimental and romantic without me reminding him. I want someone who adores me. Someone who likes me who I am, but is so encouraging that he makes me a better women just by being. This is why it’s a unicorn.

Scattered Venting

I am here to express myself and get my thoughts out. If you can handle rants or venting, then your probably do not want to read further.

Right now my thoughts are scattered.

I want to write a memoir: you know. . . good and bad memories that make up me. I keep getting too easily distracted, and yet I am not sure why. Maybe there is a piece of me that just does not me to do this, now. . . if not when? No better time like the present, right?

It’s driving me crazy. . . eight years we were together. He haunts my dreams, and yet he has moved on.
Why can’t just forget and move on like him? I know why. . . I have a heart, because it’s in pieces. He moves on even before we broke up, why doesn’t he love me? Why did he change into a jerk? Was a just fooling myself from the start? (This is several blogs on it’s own)

I’m just looking for friends: I keep getting pervs, scammers, and fakes out of the wood work . I think it happened again. . . I am sick of fake people. . . who promise the stuff. I want you to know that you are hurting people by lying. All I want is a person who is real. If I ask a question, then give me an answer. If you block me, at least tell me why.
All those who have fake profile, stop it. . . it is wrong!
They get fake pictures on the Internet. . . posers, if you are going to try and scam, don’t use different people in your pictures. I am NOT stupid. I mean like this one guy was trying to flirt and mingle with me online. Then he mentions he has a daughter, and he showed me a pic of a young brunette girl playing at the beach. A few days later, she gets in an accident on her bus that was never on the news and when he shows me a pic of her hurt, she was blonde.
Can’t I just find some decent people to chat with online that are not as old as my parents?

I’m working on a new pen name. I need a new look, new name etc(still keeping Rebekah it is me. The surname; however, was from my ex, and I do not want him to think he can claim any aspect of my writing.)

I’m distracted so easily. . . I need to give myself at least an hour everyday to write.
Christmas and my birthday are coming. . .
I am trying to earn money.
I live with 6 people so the house is always busy. . . always a chore to do.
We are fostering a kitten, that is way more work than we planned. I love him to death.
I am working three small writing projects.
I am helping others edit.
I am trying to get over my anxiety, depression, ex, and panic attacks.
I am still trying to make my own space in this house.
My family is dieting, so I am trying to help make new and healthy dinners.
I also am planning for next month writing issues.
Man, I am really busy. . . day at a time.

We are dieting as a family. . . I am not meds that just do not let me lose at the rate that I want, and they make me exhausted. I want to drop at least 80 pounds, but I have lost 13 pounds and been bouncing the same three pounds back and forth for weeks. I also love chocolate and soda-pop. I need motivation. I need hope. I need to be hyper and do more.

I want to get everyone nice stuff for Christmas, but I do NOT have much money.

I am just flustered. I am done venting. . . for now.