April is going to busy

I know at four doctors I need to schedule in. . . Maybe four if I need a specialist for my hands. ( They keep swelling, and my joints hurt. It hurts sometimes to hold a pen or fork.)

I’m doing camp Nano but I’m only giving myself a word count of 30,000 for my main goal. It’s only 1k per day. I thinkmi can type that. I did 35,000 both last August and November. I how to write a book of short stories. I talk more about it in my writers blog. . . Rebekah Quinne

I also hope to walk at least three times a week. I want to get in better shape and get more energy. I’m hoping to sleep better from it and get more focus.

The thing is I’m doing this for me. I’ve learned that I need to focus on myself and heal myself before I can help others.

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Being on best behavior 

When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior. 

  1. No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
  2. I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
  3. No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
  4. Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
  5. Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
  6. Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite) 
  7. No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
  8. Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.) 
  9. Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
  10. Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)

I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me. 

I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have

2017 things I want. . .

It’s been ten years and I have noticed a lot of thing have changed in who I am and what I want.

This is my list from 2007

 

2007 in THINGS I HAVE WANTED TO DO (INNOCENT AND GUILTY):

  • Have my own place.
  • Have my own car. (Note: Paid and manage by me. Not a hand me down.)

(How can I have my own car when I freak out behind the wheel?)

  • Have a “rainy day” stash of money
  • Buy something I can wear that’s designer

(Really? I’ve never gone after something designer. In fact, I cannot stand dressing up and heels.)

  • Have sex outside

(I have a list on my naughty blog. I really do not like outside, especially with my sinuses.)

  • Wake up to a guy kissing me
  • Have a guy spoil me with nothing sexual in return
  • Be romanced (Candle light, bath, flowers dancing etc.)
  • Tickle and cuddle with a guy without sexual tension
  • Continued to be romanced

(I never believed that I deserved to be romanced and swept off my feet, but with Tom had a few really nice moments.)

  • Write another stage play
  • Finish at least 3 out of 10 of my scripts within the year
  • Publish at least one novel under my own

(11 to 13, I’m still working on my writing, but I have learned that it is a process.)

  • Publish a book of poetry It’s now smash words
  • Manage a credit card for one year and keep good credit
  • Fine a guy who fits my personality (someone who can put up with me) (RIP Tom)
  • Have someone throw me a surprise party (preferably on my Birthday) (Worst wish ever)
  • Go to Disney World or Land with my boyfriend (before marriage or kids of my own, so I can still act like a kid.)
  • Get the guts to sky dive
  • Sky dive

(19 & 20 I’m not sure what I was thinking when making this list, but not common sense.)

  • Have a friendship with a guy and have it turn into a relationship without it ruining the friendship
  • Get my scripts put on the “big screen”
  • Have a guy who looks attractive like me for me
  • Learn patience
  • Learn independence

(23 & 24 I’ve learned I need people in my life and I am not a patient person and I do not want to be. Why would I ask for that?)

  • To bake for my boyfriend (For Health reasons.)
  • To go on birth control
  • Not to have kids until I’m at least 29
  • Find a guy my age for an activity partner: Movies, music, darts, bowling, putt-putt
  • To score at least 200 in a game of bowling

(Now that is a laugh. I have bowled probably like 5 times in the last ten years, unless you count wii bowling and I have over 200 with wii bowling.)

  • To find a guy who will take care of me when I’m sick
  • Learn self-control
  • Learn self-discipline
  • Learn self-motivation
  • Be financially secure

(32 to 35 I just want to be able to be constant with my writing and eventually make a profit with my written artwork.)

 

2017 What I want now

 

  1. No kids, I want at least two cats
  2. Poly house
  3. To make money on my writings
  4. To finish and publish my writings
  5. To have my own agent and editor
  6. To have my own place with a nice kitchen and my own office
  7. I want to be able t dine out at least once a week
  8. Once I get a guy, I want a constant date per week.
  9. Indoor picnic
  10. More cuddling
  11. Breakfast in bed
  12. More massages
  13. More hours of soaking in the tub
  14. To know my mom and brother are taken care of
  15. Constant encouragement

 

Deal Breakers

Deal breakers

  • Cat Haters 
  • Smokers
  • Kids
  • Extreme pain
  • Abusive tempers
  • And biggest one liars 

 

I cannot handle liars and the Internet is full of them. 

Doms pretending to be a sub so they wrestle another dom for a power struggle. . . It’s like a secret turn on to them. 

Catfishing pretending to be someone else. . . Fake pics, fake facts, why are you doing this?

Saying you’re single when you have a girlfriend or wife and kids.  (I’M seeking a submissive boyfriend, I want your entire attention. I will not be second rate or just a play toy.)

 

If you are any of those, please leave me alone

 

Confession #2

I was born, raise and lived within a 20 mile triangle radius my whole life. I would love to get money and travel all over.

There are so many places I want to go to. . . Canada, Italy, France, England, Scotland, Japan, Australia, DisneyWorld,  L.A. more cruises. . .

I want a book deal for my entire book series (at least eight books) and travel with a book and lecture tour

When do I get to see the world?

I look like my mom, I act like my dad and I have the same name as my stepmom. . . who am I?

I know about 9 times out of 10 when I say I am ok, I’m not. It’s my robotic go to saying. . .

I usually have at least 10 things in my head that I am constantly worried about. . . The thing is I have no control over them which just makes me anxious even more.

I wish I could just let them go. . . and focus on what I can control. (I might actually sleep well at night.)

I have never been able to play it “cool.” I always worry, and I know I always will. (I feel like if I don’t care, who will? This makes me feel like I have the world over my head or on my shoulders.)

The thing is it seems like everyone has has a life. . . is doing something while I sit here and wait for them and get hurt by thinking too much. Why should I put the world on my shoulders? Why should I care when they are living a life without me?

I’m sick of waiting around and I am sick getting hurt. I need to move on.

I wish I could Change. . .
I would make myself 80 pounds light.

I want to fix my teeth (lots of issues).

I want to be “cooler,” and not take things so seriously.

I want to just let things be and go with the flow.

I wish I was less whiny, distracted, and obsessed with things.

 

I think so people take life way too seriously. I think I am one of them. . . I want to joke around and laugh more. . . I want to stop worrying. I just want to chill and be.

How can I take life less seriously?