5 Minute Rant: Facing my past

I will give myself these things called 5 minute rants. . . I will time myself for 5 minutes and I will go on about everything and anything. . . I will try to stay within topic.

Today’s topic. . .

Getting over my past. . .

Here is the thing. . .  I saw my ex & my ex best friend from high school having sex. I walked in on them. I refuse to keep it a secret! So I lost a friend of 17 years and a boyfriend of 8 years, sucks huh? Anyway I’ve had nightmares, and there are moments where I feel lonely; they have both moved on as if nothing happened. I want to move on as well.
However, I am not sure if I am ready to date. . . my step mom said “give it a year.”  I don’t know if I want to wait a year. I heard about giving its month for each year you were together so that would put me in April. Why does he have to move on while I sulk lonely? Where is the fucking fairness in that?


Do I move on or be lonely?  Should I skip an opportunity if I am not ready? I’m so confused.

All I know is that 2016 is going to be for me!


Me and my unicorn part 1

I don’t think that I am ready for my unicorn yet, but by some billion chance I run into him, I do not want to let him go. I just wish I had some thing out there to tell me that if he really exist or am I searching for a mythological needle in the theological haystack.

I have been trying to process my break up since September. I do not want give him all of my baggage. However if he is my unicorn he would help me through my baggage.


I am hopeful, generous, and perky. I like to help others, and I am a people pleaser. This allows me to get easily taken advantage of. . .
I want to cook and bake for my guy.
I want to dress up for him.
I want to dance with him.
I am fun, sweet, and kind.
I want him to get my corny sense of humor.
I want to feel secure with him.
I want to be able to take care of each other.
I am very empathetic. I have very strong emotions; I try my best to control them.
I am determined.
I am a kid at heart, but I know when to be serious.
I try to sociable, and I am very close to my family.
I believe in the truth. (If my ass is too big or I have something in my teeth, I want to know.)
I love to laugh. (If you can get me to laugh, then you know I will be okay.)
I want to always be my own person, (I am finally figuring out who that is.)
I always want to have butterflies in my belly whenever I see him.
I want to feel the world stop and that everything is okay when he touches me.


I want someone who is positive and loves what they do.
I want him to look at me like I am the only woman in the room.
I want him to make me laugh.
I want him not to care that I am not that sophisticated.
I want him sentimental and plan surprises.
I want him to be committed to me, mature, but still be a kid at heart.
I want him to hold me, kiss me, and whisper sweet nothing is my ear.
I want someone who is as generous, hopeful, and perky as I am.
I want someone who will accept me, but by doing so allows me to change into a better person.
I him to know I have a few health issues I am working on and that I am trying to get better. . . I want him to be patient with me. (It’s worth the wait!)
I want to learn from them and have them learn from me.
I want someone who understands friends are important. (I want more of an extrovert than introvert.)
I want him to say “thank you.”
I want someone who sees his family more than just holidays.
I want someone who is honest and can handle honesty.
I want him to cook for me at least once at week or at least help me clean up the kitchen.
I want him to give me time for my writing and understand how much it means to me.
I want someone who is my friend.
I want someone who rather take me out than stay home playing a damn video game.
I just want someone who gets me.

Does he really exist or have I been watching too many romance movies?

Bloody Birthday

I am turning 33 today, and all I can think of is the idea that I probably have diabetes. . . (in fact, I am 90% sure, I do.)

Why does it have to be right before the cookie season?

Why does orange juice sound so good?

Grrrr. . .  why me? Yeah, yeah, I know it’s stupid genetics. I have it on both sides.

When will I ever get to have my cake and eat it too? (Even the sugar-free cake makes my blood sugar goes up . . . *Screams*)

Why are the damned fates taking away my sweets and carbs?

I think it wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t have writer’s block too.