- I can’t cry. I feel like a robot: emotional stuck.
- I want to be happy too, but again I’m emotionally stuck.
- Im hormonal. It’s due to endometriosis. My body does make enough of one hormone, so others are unbalanced.
- I can freak out at anytime: I can go from nice to total bitch. It’s because my hormones are not balanced.
- I can be in pain, usually in my pelvic area also due to endometriosis. This can make sex hurt for me.
- I can startle easily. However I love a horror movie with unpredictable twists. They are hard to find in this days blah and remakes.
- I can easily get stuck in a good book, computer/tablet, or notebook/writing.
- I hate to clean, but I hate bugs and spiders more
- I only like to clean alone with music blasting.
- I am not an outdoor girl.
- I am not a girly-girl. I do not owe a dress or make up. I will not wear high heels, in fact, I own one pair of shoes, and two slippers.
- I dislike/hate authority. Advise/guide/suggest to me, but do not tell me what to do with attitude or I will turn into a bitch.
- I’m not into drug, drinking, smoking, and not into those who are drunk or smoke.
- I can talk myself to organize.
- I am not a baby/kid person.
- I prefer cats over dogs and kids.
- I am not vanilla (sexually), and I cannot got back. (I have a seprate blog for that.)
- I work better between 11pm and 6am for now. It may change as my sleep cycle never stays the same for long.
- I prefer my weather semi sunny between 55 and 75 degrees.
- I prefer Pepsi over Coke. I know the difference. I also know the difference between regular and diet.
I’m writing Short Stories.
I put my feelings in each one. These are flash fiction but very personal. In the last few year my heart and soul shattered, each of these pieces are my a piece of shattered heart and soul.
I hope to find myself and piece myself together.
I’m posting them on my Short Story blog. . .
I’ve been thinking about what security is for me. Many say money is security, but 90% of jobs are not secure any more, so how can money be security. . . unless you own more than one business, have good stocks, or is a CEO of a major corporation. Most of these bosses will cut a guy working there ten year to hire two guys to do the same job for just a few dollars less. So money is not security.
Money is nice, but I really would not know what to do with lots of money. . . I know if I won the lottery, I was told in a dream. . .. That 2/3rds of the money must go to someone or thing else. So I would give to charities and places and people that have helped me in my past. It would also go to people who need that extra boost. I like helping people.
However too much money would worry me as I afraid someone would break in and hurt the ones I care about or myself just to get some money that they will blow on alcohol and drugs to hide from their conscience that they did wrong. When they run out of their crutches, they will hurt someone else for more money. Too much money, even with a security system and trained pets, is not security for me.
I know extra money is nice to travel, dine out, shop, go to parties or enjoy more things. Then it also scares me that people show up when you have money that would have never been there if you were broke. How do you know your friendship or relationship are build on trust or the false security and wrong love of money?
Security to me is when I have my hand in my special guy and I feel I can take on the world. I feel safe and truly loved ( not the love over what you have, but who you are). This has happened only once ( Tom). I hope to have the feeling again. I just hope the man I feel safe and secure with also loves and truly, loyally adores me.
I knew I shouldn’t have installed the game Sims.
Now I barely get any work done. However I got a lot of gamer rewards. Lol.
I do sleep because too much time on here at night gives me a headache.
My depression and anxiety is low, but it is because I am not facing my own reality.
I’m Becky, and I have a problem. I am a Sims Addict.
Its the third day in which I’m not super depressed. This is good.
I hope that I can keep this better than depressed feeling will keep going.
I do miss him. However I hope he finds someone amazing. I’m more of his D.U.F.F.. ( Disignated ugly fat friend ). All I want is for him to stop complaining, be out of pain, and find him someone amazing to make him happy.
He had me spend over 200 dollars for my birthday. No one has ever spent that much on me ( not related to me.)
I do love that he trusts me. I’m scared that he’ll trust others because he trusts me. I pride myself on my honesty, most of the world is not as trustworthy as I am.