2018 VS 2019

What have I learned in 2018

1. It’s ok to be single. Friends are better than a struggling relationship.
2. You should research therapist and doctors. It’s ok to switch to seek the doctor that works and listens to you. Second opinions are also ok. (Doctors are human, and they do make mistakes. There are issues with similar symptoms.)
3. Good deeds go a long way. They can be as simple as give money or complicated as giving your time to help someone living situation.
4. Celebrities have the same issues as an “average Joe.” They have depression, anxiety, panic attacks. They get nervous and can worry about roles.  They have diet issues and can get sick. They even have problem with sleep and some even go to therapy.
5. Life is short, be Happy! I have learned that happiness is up to you. It is that simple.  (Pursue things that make you happy.)

 

What I want to do in 2019

1. I want to finish several of my writing projects. (I will have my writing goals on my blog http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/ )
2. I want to make more friends. (I guess I need to socialize a bit more.)
3. I want to help others. (So many has helped me this year, I want to give back.)
4. Make my body healthier (Yes, I know lower soda, walk, and sleep more.)
5. I want to get a better place to live, more space. (Hopefully with a cat or two.)

I am focusing on me

I am focusing on me

I am NOT seeking a relationship for a while.

• I cannot find someone patient enough to truly get me, this does NOT just happen over night.
• I am NOT seeking an online wannabe relationship thing. (I have very weak wifi, my landlord is cheap and thinks a basic house modem can deal with more than ten devices. We have at least four running in our place alone. I also have NO privacy. I will NOT give my messengers or phone number just after one message or one day of messaging. I have learned my lesson. That just means I am dealing with impatient person. One word comes to mind catfish.)
• I think I do not have someone else yet is that I do not want to put my health issues on anyone else.
• I feel there is needs to be some kind of physical intimacy in a relationship. (I’m not asexual or grey sexual at the moment by choice.)
• I am not sure if I am truly over my ex as I keep comparing others to him and most do not add up (there is also a fear of getting hurt again. I know I am strong, but I am still working on the heal process. I do not think I can take another blow.)

I need to focus on my health issues.
• Currently my sleep patterns are off ( my cpap machine not really helping completely yet, I’m still very tired, low energy and easily cranky.)
• I have a rash from the location I am in (the cheap paint and some of the bleach products that they use).
• My emotional issues (hyper, sad, angry, bouncy. . . uncontrolled mood swings and hormonal issues), and my female pains (taking sexual intimacy off the table. Which honestly sucks).

I may take time off the personal sites for a while as there is no connection, no real relationship. I think I need to rewrite my profile because I keep getting guys against my deal-breakers. Some just want instant direction because they just do not want to control their own lives anymore and others just want to sexual please someone. . . I am NOT seeking either.

I think the best for me is to find friends who I truly connect with.
I rather have fun with friends some dinners, karaoke parties, card or board games, cuddles with movies, and if there is that submissive-yet-more-than-friends connections I get with someone, awesome. If not, I am still happy with who I am.

If you want to be friends, awesome. If not then I hope you find the dominant or the kinky girlfriend you need. (Note: if you are into a relationship, please let your partner know that you have friends. I will NOT be a secret.)

So I’m focusing on myself: my health and what makes me happy!

It is so simple

Find the things that bring enjoyment and happiness. . .

• Seek those happy activities.
• Try to do one thing each day that makes you happy, even if it’s just 5 minutes with a cup of coffee
• I’ve listed my happiness activities, things and events
• Focus on things that bring you joy
• Focus on getting rid of things that don’t make you happy

Yes, it really is that simple.

Why do I make it so complicated?

Days 29 to 31

I’m trying to better myself

Day 29: What do you think of your teeth and your smile? Do you like them and if so, why? If not, how can you view them more positively?

I used to love my teeth. When I was young I had them capped due to issues I had when I slept, but the caps started to chip a few years back. I need to get them done again, but my dentist is pushing every procedure but it.Sigh.

I used to sing and I used to have a big toothy smile, but now not so much.

My face is the first thing people usually noticed about me and yes i do have teeth problems, but majority are in the back of my mouth. I’m very apprehensive about the whole thing. I hate pain, and many times my teeth hurt

Day 30 Validation is important to our self-esteem. Do others encourage you? If not, what are some ways that you can ask them to so your self-esteem.

My family does help and those who read my writing and blog. . That comment really help my self esteem. It feels like a confirmation that I’m meant to be writing. (Esspecially when I have those who thinks it’s unstable and I’m wasting time writing too much.)

I give myself goals and rewards for myself.

Day 31. Rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10?

It was -5 on my lowest day, but currently I’m at 7.

Has your self-esteem improved?

I have learned about myself. I’ve also learned that I am valuable. My sleep issues make my depression and anxiety feel bigger than they are.

Day 23: Hopeful Outcome

Day 23: What is your ideal outcome of this challenge?

I’m trying to better myself

1. To learn more about myself.

2. Look at the world more positively.

3. Maybe to spark my creative inspiration for writing (90% of my life evolves around writing, for those who don’t I’m a struggling writer first and everything else second. . . http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com is my writing blog.)

Days 19 to 22

I’m trying to better myself

I’m sorry, but due time issues and sleep problems I’ve put the last four days together.

Day 19: Do you have an activity that makes you feel alive and good within yourself?

1. Writing

2. Playing with Cats

3. Cooking

4 playing games: SIM or jeopardy

5. Music

Day 20: Has your self-esteem improved with doing this challenge? If so, how?

I learned I’m stronger than I thought. I can find the good in me if I just tried a bit more.

I would answer more, but I’ve been fighting sleep issues

Day 21: Name at least 5 things that you are good at.

1. Writing

2. Cooking

3. Shopping

4. Singing

5. Managing. . . Schedules, planning , to-do lists

Day 22: Which of your skills or abilities do you pride yourself on?

I am proud of this skills

My writing

My baking

My cat care

My cooking

My scheduling and list making skills

Day 17: Calming Down

Day 17: What do you do to feel calmer when you’re stressed?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

Things I do to calm down

1. Talk a walk

2. Listen to music

3. Blog or diary about it

4. Post on 7 cups

5. Get a listener on 7 cups

6. Pet a cat

7. Take a bath

8. Get a massage

9. Bake or cook

10. Watch you tube

Day 12: Proud Moments

Day 12: What’s the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? Why did it make you feel this way?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

There are two stories here. . .

In December of 2016, I was called by my ex mom to ask for help because he had a liver transplant and she had to go back to work. (I didn’t make this decision lightly, my ex cheated on me and fell in live with someone else and my family I had to deal with my health issues and my broken heart for over a year. I will say that step mother over reacting to my mental break down, did make the decision easier. She was the one who pushed the meds and when I was having dark thoughts, she was the one who said I should be in a homeless shelter. It kills me that I lost half my family that day. I wish I could let them know I still loved them, and I appreciating them for helping me.) However I knew I was doing the right thing. My parents taught me to put others before myself whenever I can. I wasn’t rushing to help him as a girlfriend, but as friend that he and his mom still trusted. (The girl he cheated on me with just wanted money and gifts.) I helped everyday with meals, meds, doctors visits. He got a stomach infection and withinn 6 weeks he died from cancer. I did it, because I knew it was the right thing to do, even with me having my own health issues and my own therapy issues.

The second thing I’m proud is finishing my psycho-thriller novella trilogy. It’s current 60% hand written, but it’s finished. It was a script I worked on during my high school time. I switch it to prose and wrote from both the goid side and bad side. I have two novels, three novella finished with at least draft one. I have three novels I’m working on currently.

Day 6: Obstacles

I’m trying to better myself

Day 6: What are some obstacles that are preventing you from accomplishing your goals?

1. My health including depression and sleep issues

2. My location causes stress

3. My lack of inspiration and motivation (fight depression)

4. Easily distracted

5. Computer is broke

What will you do to overcome them?

1. I’m seeing several doctors working on my health issues day by day

2. I need to get get up and go out more, may inspire me (#3)

3. Find a new band or song or new book to inspire me

4. Time time to write (Can’t wait for Nanowrimo in November )

5. Save some money and get the fan fixed

Therapy: poem

I AM POEM

FIRST STANZA

I am strong and uniqueI wonder when I will feel secureI hear angels singingI see my finished published booksI want to get back into daily writingI am strong and unique_______I pretend to be in interviews talking about my booksI feel I can be the next best sellerI touch a fuzzy, purring catI worry I have no energy to get anything done. I cry that I can have no cats. I am strong and unique. ______I understand I need organize and plan I say I can do anything I put my mind toI dream traveling, promoting my books that are turned into moviesI try to write daily as much as I can. I hope to make my dreams come trueI am strong and unique