I’m writing Short Stories.
I put my feelings in each one. These are flash fiction but very personal. In the last few year my heart and soul shattered, each of these pieces are my a piece of shattered heart and soul.
I hope to find myself and piece myself together.
I’m posting them on my Short Story blog. . .
I’ve been thinking about what security is for me. Many say money is security, but 90% of jobs are not secure any more, so how can money be security. . . unless you own more than one business, have good stocks, or is a CEO of a major corporation. Most of these bosses will cut a guy working there ten year to hire two guys to do the same job for just a few dollars less. So money is not security.
Money is nice, but I really would not know what to do with lots of money. . . I know if I won the lottery, I was told in a dream. . .. That 2/3rds of the money must go to someone or thing else. So I would give to charities and places and people that have helped me in my past. It would also go to people who need that extra boost. I like helping people.
However too much money would worry me as I afraid someone would break in and hurt the ones I care about or myself just to get some money that they will blow on alcohol and drugs to hide from their conscience that they did wrong. When they run out of their crutches, they will hurt someone else for more money. Too much money, even with a security system and trained pets, is not security for me.
I know extra money is nice to travel, dine out, shop, go to parties or enjoy more things. Then it also scares me that people show up when you have money that would have never been there if you were broke. How do you know your friendship or relationship are build on trust or the false security and wrong love of money?
Security to me is when I have my hand in my special guy and I feel I can take on the world. I feel safe and truly loved ( not the love over what you have, but who you are). This has happened only once ( Tom). I hope to have the feeling again. I just hope the man I feel safe and secure with also loves and truly, loyally adores me.
Why does it seem lately that everything seems better in my head?
Examples:
#1
In my head: I wanted to go out to all you can eat wing place for my birthday and then have presents and dark forest cake afterward with part of my family and a few friends. There were would be laughs and good time with everyone.
Reality: I had several cats naps, because my sleep schedule is way off. Then for dinner a store bought pizza that wasn’t bad, but not what I wanted. I wanted a dark forest cake (chocolate and cherries), but what I got was a pumpkin pie that was just okay.
#2
In my head: I am cuddling and getting massages with my boyfriend and playing with my cat.
Reality: I’m helping my ex without my cat.
#3
In my head: I am touring promoting my books and give huge universe lectures on how to write a novel.
Reality: I can’t even write in my diary. Damn writer’s block.
Reality Vs Fantasy: Sometimes reality sucks.
Did I do something wrong?
Today I was in the mall and Walmart. . . normally no big deal but it was Black Friday.
They were not as crowded as I thought they would be.
I always thought it was like war and crazy people fighting each other for the last whatever was on sale. Maybe the movies make too much of the craziness. I never went shopping on Black Friday, because I thought the crowds would be crazy, the lines be long, and there would have been more violence. I didn’t want to get into a fight just because you save 40% on an item.
It was not like that at all, people were helpful, no fights, and lines were shorter than I thought. I did get a few gifts bought which was nice.
I even got to hang out with an old friend who is family and his beautiful fiancee and we also got china buffet. Sushi! Yum.
Twenty-six things about me…
A- Age: 33
B- Biggest fear: being lone and not finishing my written projects
C- Current time: 1:04 am
D- Drink you last had: Yay coffee
E- Every day starts with: Coffee
F- Favorite song: Currently the soundtrack to Pitch Perfect
G- Ghosts, are they real?: Yes, I have sensed them.
H- Hometown: North Ridgeville, Ohio
I- In love with: Yes, there is someone new.
J- Jealous of: I try not to be .
K- Killed someone? Only within my writing, I mean I write vampires
L- Last time you cried? Maybe a week ago . . . stress
M- Middle name: Marie
N- Number of siblings: 3 brothers blood related and 3 brothers that got pulled into the family
O- One wish: To travel on book and lecture tour and all of my vampire books number 1 seller
P- Person you last called: Dad
Q- Question you’re always asked: Why?
R- Reason to smile: Chocolate, writing again, new guy in my life
S- Song last sang: Desperado by the eagles
T- Time you woke up: 08:00
U- Underwear color: Pink
V- Vacation destination: Europe
W- Worst habit: Putting things off
X- X-Rays you’ve had: Most of my left side, arm, ankle, foot, chest etc
Y- Your favorite food: Steak or fried chicken
Z- Zodiac sign: Sagittarius
There are so many places I want to go to. . . Canada, Italy, France, England, Scotland, Japan, Australia, DisneyWorld, L.A. more cruises. . .
I want a book deal for my entire book series (at least eight books) and travel with a book and lecture tour
When do I get to see the world?
In my head 