Why I do feel majority of the world is full of cheaters, heartless bastards, catfish, scammers, murders, and just mean people?
Why do they want to steal and hurt others do bad?
I’m not at a bad person. I try to share, and I was taught to give of myself. However lately I don’t have much to give, and feel like I am getting ridiculed for catch a scam artist in there damn scam.
I am not going to take a guilt trip for finding a scam.
I am a dope.
This summer. . .
- I’ve had ten cancelled dates.
- Been blown off by dozens of cute guys (probably due to my weight)
- Been lied to by a catfish
- And been on dozens of dead end chats
- Been blocked three times
- Been ignored for politics
- Now I can say I’ve almost been scammed three times (I do not trust anyone who says itune cards.)
Aren’t there any cute, real, decent loyal guys left?
The more I talk to people, the more I like cats.
Please be honest with me. . .
If I am too fat for you, okay not everyone enjoys bbw. (I’m trying to get more fit, but I have I’ll move on. If you are worried about weight, it is easier to move too.)
If I am too harsh or not harsh enough, tell me. (I am who I am, if I am too harsh for you, we will not fit.)
I know I am not a nurturer, or sympathetic. (However I’m a very generous and caring person. I’m also empathetic at times, but that drains me.)
The thing I have learned from honesty is that it is easier to heal and move on. (Thing someone is spearing my feelings by lying is mean and a fool.)
Note: telling me these things, does NOT mean I will change, but does mean we are probably not compatible and to move on.
There 7.6 billion people in the world, I’m NOT for everyone. Just be honest with me and yourself.
I’m just trying to find a honest person who communicates often and connects with me. Is that too much to ask?
I’m wasting time.
I’m wasting life.
I’m waiting on someone who has his own life.
I’m wasting my own time waiting on someone that if I am lucky may give me 20 minutes of his time. I am way worth more than 20 minutes.
I need to stop waiting on someone who is too busy for me.
I need to work on my own life.
I need to get myself and my computer fixed.
I need to focus on my writing.
I need to love myself.
I am so much better than this.
I chatted with a guy online, I was apprehensive at first and I should have been.
I have written this and rewritten this because I am a professional and I try not to slander those who can so easily take down himself.
I just know I chatted with a guy on here for over a year and then he gets over sensitive and blocks me. I truly had no idea why he dropped me.
I was going to post his name on here, but I know it’s not right. As much as I would like random people yelling at him for me, it’s not going to help me heal.
He lied to me. However I got on a friend’s profile to find out he is causing his own soap opera.
The thing was i thought that he was someone who understood me, but if he truly understood me . . . He would have been just honest with me, let us be be friends and move on.
I spend days wondering what I did wrong? What did I do to piss him off? What was wrong with me? I was hurt, broken all over again. Why would he talk to me everyday for over a year than to just to hurt me?
I just wish he was real and honest with me. I’m more hurt that he snunk behind my back than to say it is not going to work out.
Maybe no one really gets me and I am just kidding myself. I am such a fool.
At least, I know the truth and can and will move on.
I should be sleeping, BUT . . .
My mind will not stop.
Things on my mind. . .
- Who is right one for me?
- Am I going to be alone forever?
- Why do I keep having headaches?
- My head knows I need to deal with my past, but my hormones say I’m lonely.
- I just want to cuddle.
- Will I ever get better?
- Will I ever be happy again?
- Will I ever get a cat?
- Will my family be ok? (Can I move on?)
- Why am I still mad?
- Why all I want to do is cry?
- Why do I keep pushing nice people away?
- Will my the blemishes on my face ever clear?
- Will I lose weight or at least get fit for more energy?
- Why does my body want to sleep up to 18 hours or not at all?
- Why do I feel I kicked in the gut for doing something good?
- Why do I feel like I get handled wrong or used?
- Why do people use me?
- Will I will the lottery?
I plan to play my brother’s ff rpg. (It’s a dice and fantasy game).
I also plan to cook, work on some blogs and short stories (Not sure what genre yet).
I’m also watching catfish, I’m obsessed with that show. I do a lot of chatting and online flirting, so I’m always cautious.
I had a stressful day yesterday I had issues with insurance. I hope next week to get it worked out. Meanwhile I have to hold off on all my doctors and meds. I have some to hold me off, but it really freaked me out.
I’ve had a few people (besides family) who really helped me out yesterday and I’m very thankful for that. I’ve learned it’s one day at a time with my depression. Each day is a hill, and I got over yesterday. The weekend is hopefully just going to be relaxing.
Things that make me happy
- Getting an a long e-mail
- Good Sex with lots of foreplay
- Hours of unbothered writing
- Writing 10,000 words in a day
- Finishing (reading) a good book
- A story with a good twist
- Not being able to predict something
- Going out
- Helping others
- Making others happy
- Cuddling with someone nice during a movie
- Kissing and making out
- Getting actual mail: letters and package
- Bubble bath
- Having energy
- A nice walk
- Lots of pillows and comfy bed
- Good night sleep
- Talking all night
- Going to the zoo
- Good Morning Greeting
- Spooning: I like the inner spoon
- A good tone male hairless chest
- A fit six pack ab
- Bright blue or blue-green eyes
- A nice smile
- Hair on the a guy’s head that I can run my hand through
- A night of card or board games with friends
1. A good cup of coffee
3. A Sweet text
4. Fried chicken
5. Soda-pop (pepsi)
6. New notebook
7. New colored pens
8. Clean clothes with tide
9. Clean sheets
10. First kiss
11. A good movie
12. A good book
13. Agood joke
15. Not having to put groceries back at the register
18. Writing a story
19. Finishing a writing project
21. Writing several blogs
22. A bubble bath
23. Going out
24. Ice cream
26. Dark Forest Cake
27. Time to write
29. Secretly dancing
30. Good night sleep
32. A good song
35. Body Spray
36. a long drive