Okay I had what I thought was depressing and boring day . . . until dinner today. There was this guy I was really into and I thought he was into me until he just stopped talking to me out of nowhere no, I found someone else or I just cannot handle you. Just silence for weeks almost 6 weeks now. I saw him picking dip dishes and delivering pizza to the table including my table He just completely freaks out okay I know my double takes and being out with the whole family doesn’t help. I would have left a tip it he didn’t almost get3 girls wet at the pop machine trying to avoid me. (This was an old post I had about him. . . I guess I shouldn’t have been worried about anything.) https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2016/01/01/he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not/
I felt like I was in the 5th grade again when I had A crush on tho class clown he didn’t like me back
Not overanalyze it is just like my dream with the blue eyed blondes and how 90% of them are not going to like me. I need to see men for their heart and soul. Link here . . . https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2016/01/25/who-do-i-want-for-me/
besides I currently have a guy who adores me even if it is just an online fantasy maybe it is what we both need right now. (More on that guy later. . .)
I thought I just had another epiphany . . . and I had a dream in which I had a long line of men different sizes but all had blonde hair and blue eyes. They all seem had a reason to reject me: too short, too perky, too fat, lazy, too clingy, I’m not currently working, I’m into art, I’m tolerant certain political issues, I’m not smart enough, or I’m a writer, etc. None of them wanted me, and worst of all, it was the ones I thought were the cutest that were the meanest.
I know I had crushes on looks, but most of the guys I’ve date never look like my crushes. Maybe it’s good. Maybe looks aren’t everything . . . what are the chances I would actually find my unicorn?
Maybe I just need to find someone who is seriously into me, all of me . . . would that be enough?
I think this dream just made me more confused.
© 2016 Rebekah Quinne
I have not written poetry in a while. Maybe I will start again. . .
This for someone very special.
My Written Angel. . .
He walks within
With the sweetest words
Just for us
To see. . .
Even in pain
He is there for me
Do I deserve. . .
A gentle soul?
He is hidden
Within the words
© 2016 Rebekah Quinne
You watch these couples on TV like Cory and Topanga (Boy Meets World), Kevin and Winnie (The Wonder Years), Lily and Marshal (How I Met Your Mother) and Dharma and Greg (Dharma and Greg) and makes you wonder if there are couples actually out there like that. . .
I would love guy who is devoted and excited about life as Cory, as straight-forward and determined as Kevin, as passionate and goofy as Marshal, and as open and nonjudgmental as Greg. I think I found him. I think this guy I am chatting with is all that.
Maybe TV just makes guys look good. Maybe I am asking for too much, and if I got this am I good enough to receive it?
I’ve had a crush on this guy since before high-school- he had blonde hair that would hang in his crystal blue eyes . . . his blue eyes were endless water-waves of untold emotion and secrets-his soul is profound.
The things that made him so special and why I had a crush on him for so long. . .
- He never made me feel stupid, even with his larger vocabulary. In fact he made me want to learn, and strive to be a better person.
- He would always talk to me. He would smile when we talked to, not stand there like he felt he had to, but wanted to.
- He never had judging or mean thing to say, at least to my face.
- He was physically everything I wanted in a guy.
- He made me laugh.
However I do not feel I am good enough for him . . . he is good with the ladies and successful with business. He probably wants a sophisticated woman who would be smart, kind, cool, and good eye candy. I know I am smart, but I do not feel smart enough for him. I know I am not pretty/beautiful enough for him. The girl I think he is with is a thin elegant woman with chocolate hair and sea blue eyes she could be a model . . . I feel like chopped liver compared to her.
I keep dreaming about him, and it’s driving me crazy. The thing is that none of my dreams with him are over PG-13. Its an innocent love. . . . I mean I can see him naughty just not with me. I want to, but I don’t feel good enough for him. How do I overcome this?
The dreams keep repeating so I have decided to write about it, but I wonder if he would get offended if I base a character off of him. . . so when I finish this story do I tell him about it?
Reasons why I am good enough
- I am generous and selfless. I am always putting others before myself. I get abused and used a lot for it, but I cannot change who I am.
- I am caring. I worry a lot, but it’s a part of who I am.
- I go out of my way to make those I care about happy. I want the best for those I care about.
- I love to laugh, and I try to get others to laugh. My main humor is either corny or dirty.
- I get excited over the small things. I like things like poetry, flowers, talking until the sun comes up, laughing, cooking together etc.
- I try to support my beloved hopes and dreams. I am also realistic, I want my dearest to have a decent future.
- I’m smart, sweet, and I try really hard.
- I’m good at cooking and baking. I will clean, but I really do not like to.
- I am a writer . . . at one point or another you will be in my work.
- I am passionate, but nervous if I really like someone. I fear that they will not like me back.