It’s a Small World. . .

Okay I had what I thought was depressing and boring day . . . until dinner today. There was this guy I was really into and I thought he was into me until he just stopped talking to me out of nowhere no, I found someone else or I just cannot handle you. Just silence for weeks almost 6 weeks now. I saw him picking dip dishes and delivering pizza to the table including my table He just completely freaks out okay I know my double takes and being out with the whole family doesn’t help. I would have left a tip it he didn’t almost get3 girls wet at the pop machine trying to avoid me. (This was an old post  I had about him. . . I guess I shouldn’t have been worried about anything.) https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2016/01/01/he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not/
I felt like I was in the 5th grade again when I had A crush on tho class clown he didn’t like me back

Not overanalyze it is just like my dream with the blue eyed blondes and how 90% of them are not going to like me. I need to see men for their heart and soul. Link here . . . https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2016/01/25/who-do-i-want-for-me/
besides I currently have a guy who adores me even if it is just an online fantasy maybe it is what we both need right now. (More on that guy later. . .)

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Who do I want for me?

I thought I just had another epiphany . . . and I had a dream in which I had a long line of men different sizes but all had blonde hair and blue eyes. They all seem had a reason to reject me: too short, too perky, too fat, lazy, too clingy, I’m not currently working, I’m into art,  I’m tolerant certain political issues, I’m not smart enough, or I’m a writer, etc. None of them wanted me, and worst of all, it was the ones I thought were the cutest that were the meanest.

I know I had crushes on looks, but most of the guys I’ve date never look like my crushes. Maybe it’s good. Maybe looks aren’t everything . . . what are the chances I would actually find my unicorn?

Maybe I just need to find someone who is seriously into me, all of me . . . would that be enough?

I think this dream just made me more confused.

Poem: I Ache

I Ache

I ponder
Many thoughts
I hope
I wish
That you
Are real.
I desire
True love
I want
More hope
I need
Solid proof
That you
Are you
I want
To hold
Tight always
Please be
Truly real
I ache
To know
If you
Are real.
Are you
Really you?

© 2016 Rebekah Quinne

Cleaning Confessions

 

 

  1. I like to fold towels and wash rags.
  2. I hate folding shirts and underwear
  3. Let me blast my music, give the right cleaners, and I don’t mind cleaning most kitchens or bathrooms.
  4. I HATE cleaning sh*t or puke.
  5. My room is cluttered, but I know where everything is.
  6. My place always looks cleaner when I know I am having company.
  7. I clean best when I am alone and depressed.
  8. I would love to have a maid just for my kitchen and living room. I can take care of the other room.
  9. I am picky with smells in the house.
  10. There more moments where I rather write or anything else but clean. 

A poem

I have not written poetry in a while. Maybe I will start again. . .

This for someone very special.

My Written Angel. . .

He walks within

The typed

With the sweetest words

Just for us

To see. . .

Even in pain

He is there for me

Why?

How?

Do I deserve. . .

A gentle soul?

He is hidden

Within the words

 

© 2016 Rebekah Quinne

TV Couples

You watch these couples on TV like Cory and Topanga (Boy Meets World), Kevin and Winnie (The Wonder Years), Lily and Marshal (How I Met Your Mother) and Dharma and Greg (Dharma and Greg) and makes you wonder if there are couples actually out there like that. . .

I would love guy who is devoted and excited about life as Cory, as straight-forward and determined as Kevin, as passionate and goofy as Marshal, and as open and nonjudgmental as Greg. I think I found him. I think this guy I am chatting with is all that.

Maybe TV just makes guys look good. Maybe I am asking for too much, and if I got this am I good enough to receive it?

What to do. . . What to do?

I’ve had a crush on this guy since before high-school- he had blonde hair that would hang in his crystal blue eyes . . .  his blue eyes were endless water-waves of untold emotion and secrets-his soul is profound.
The things that made him so special and why I had a crush on him for so long. . .

  1. He never made me feel stupid, even with his larger vocabulary. In fact he made me want to learn, and strive to be a better person.
  2. He would always talk to me. He would smile when we talked to, not stand there like he felt he had to, but wanted to.
  3. He never had judging or mean thing to say, at least to my face.
  4. He was physically everything I wanted in a guy.
  5. He made me laugh.

 

However I do not feel I am good enough for him . . . he is good with the ladies and successful with business. He probably wants a sophisticated woman who would be smart, kind, cool, and good eye candy. I know I am smart, but I do not feel smart enough for him. I know I am not pretty/beautiful enough for him. The girl I think he is with is a thin elegant woman with chocolate hair and sea blue eyes she could be a model . . . I feel like chopped liver compared to her.
I keep dreaming about him, and it’s driving me crazy. The thing is that none of my dreams with him are over PG-13. Its an innocent love. . . . I mean I can see him naughty just not with me. I want to, but I don’t feel good enough for him. How do I overcome this?

The dreams keep repeating so I have decided to write about it, but I wonder if he would get offended if I base a character off of him. . .     so when I finish this story do I tell him about it?

Reasons why I am good enough

  1. I am generous and selfless. I am always putting others before myself. I get abused and used a lot for it, but I cannot change who I am.
  2. I am caring. I worry a lot, but it’s a part of who I am.
  3. I go out of my way to make those I care about happy. I want the best for those I care about.
  4. I love to laugh, and I try to get others to laugh. My main humor is either corny or dirty.
  5. I get excited over the small things. I like things like poetry, flowers, talking until the sun comes up, laughing, cooking together etc.
  6. I try to support my beloved hopes and dreams. I am also realistic, I want my dearest to have a decent future.
  7. I’m smart, sweet, and I try really hard.
  8. I’m good at cooking and baking. I will clean, but I really do not like to.
  9. I am a writer . . . at one point or another you will be in my work.
  10. I am passionate, but nervous if I really like someone. I fear that they will not like me back.