Life is a rollercoaster

My anxiety goes up and down. I take a test for my health issues: anxiety, depression, and stress. 

My 7cup profile

Results of the test of the last few months. 


Who I really am. 

  • ​I am a writer.

I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive. 

I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. (Http://

  • I am a foodie.

I love food. (Yes, I am a bigger lady, and I am watching my weight for health. However I will not deny a new or fun food experience. )

 I enjoy making food, cooking, baking, and going out. (When I got out, I usually try to order something, I usually I will not make at home.)

  • I am always learning.

I’m always researching for my writing. I’ve learned from life experience as well. 

I enjoy reading and finding out more about all kinds of things.

  • I am a bear. (Or a bulldog whatever is cuter.)

I am a very determined person. The loyal person. The type of person who would do whatever I had to.

 I may be sweet or cranky doing it, it depends on how people treat me. 

November all for me. 

I am not a selfish person, but next month is all about me. I am working on my writing and hopefully myself. 

My goal is in 2018 to move forward and away from my past.

I have two projects. . .  (Each project is 50,000 in 30 days)

  1. Finishing the The Broken Path 50,000 plus. 
  2. Working on the ghost stories for the Broken Path.

    I hope to figure myself out and do something for me, write. 

    What I want. . . In texting. . .

    I want my submissive boyfriend cuddly, obedient, and semi-clingy. 
    I want to hear from them several times throughout the day.
    I’m not a morning person BUT I love morning messages. . .
    Like. . .
    “I woke up this morning and thought of you. . .”
    “I had a wild dream of you. ”
    “Wish you were talking a shower with me ”

    OR day time messages. . .
    “Just got out of work. . . Thing of you.”
    “Wish you were here”
    “Hugs and/or kisses”

    I sleep better with night messages
    “Wish you were here to cuddle with me”
    “Wanted to wish you a good night”
    “Miss you honey”

    It’s obedience to keep constant with the texting, but I want them to mean it. (I’m not into guys  who don’t communicate.)

    I want a guy who thinks of me and excited to be with me. I know that guys can be interested in more that just naughty things because I’ve had a few who were interested in me for me. Time and distance pulled us apart. Sigh.

    Ideal day

    My ideal day would be

    8:30 Wakes up after hitting snooze twice. Get breakfast with coffee

    9:00 Works out on indoor bike

    9:30 Shower

    9:45 Lotion, priming body

    10:00 Checking email, research and notes or outlines for writing or errands

    12:00 lunch

    12:30 writing my blogs, novels

    4:30 make dinner, or errands 

    6:30 have dinner and clean up. 

    7:00  Be with family or boyfriend before bed, TV, games etc

    11:30  Research, read, and relax before bed, maybe a bath

    1:30 go to bed. 

    Windows Computer Scam

    Be Warned: there is a Scam going on out there. . .

    A random number usually local in my case (440) 261-4101 (This can be any number.)

    They say they are window tech support and your computer has a virus. However they just want access your computer. (If you had a problem and had to talk to tech support, you would be calling them, not them calling you.)



    Well, I answered it. The guy was rude. He said my window system has an error.  I told him I didn’t have a computer. (I was in a car, so I didn’t have it with me anyway. Why would I tell a stranger what I have?) Then he actually asked for my e-mail. I said I don’t use e-mail. Then he asked me my age. . . I should have said 112 next week. I hung up on him before he could cuss. I have heard that he had cussed at another people.

    Enneagram: It’s a Tie

    Enneagram Test: What Personality Type Are You?



    1. The Boss   92%
    2. The Giver    92%
    3. The Idealist  88%
    4. The Loyalist   88%
    5. The Mediator  84%
    6. The Observer  76%
    7. The Perfectionist  68%
    8. The Performer   68%
    9. The Tragic Romantic   88%


    Enneagram Test: What Personality Type Are You?





    Type 2: The Giver


    Ego Fixation: Flattery and Manipulation

    Holy Idea: Will, Freedom

    Basic Fear: Being unloved

    Motivations: Wanting to be loved, wanting to express their feelings for others, needing to be appreciated and valued, wanting to prove themselves

    Virtue to Learn: Humility


    The basis of The Giver type personality arises from a distortion of the Holy Ideas of Will and Freedom. Holy Freedom is the idea that all acts by a human are not separate from the totality, or “Will,” of the cosmos. From an absolute perspective, it is impossible to act in any way that is not part of the will of existence.


    When this understanding is lost or distorted, it results in a personality type that anxiously believes itself to be separate from existence. Therefore, The Giver tends to habitually seek the approval of others, and sometimes may even resort to manipulation or flattery to gain approval. This people pleasing defense mechanism was learned early on in life as a result of the belief that when others are happy, safety ensues.


    On the other hand, Giver’s are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted people. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing.


    The Giver typically has problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs before others.


    Examples: Eleanor Roosevelt, Nancy Reagan, Stevie Wonder, Elizabeth Taylor, Martin Sheen, Timothy Treadwell (Grizzly Man).



    Type 8: The Boss (or Challenger)


    Ego Fixation: Vengeance (objectification)

    Holy Idea: Truth

    Basic Fear: Being harmed or controlled by others

    Motivations: Wanting to be self-reliant, desiring to prove their strength and resist weakness, wanting to be important, needing to dominate and to “stay in control” of life

    Virtue To Learn: Innocence


    The Holy Idea of “Truth” is the understanding that All is One: the entire universe, with all of its levels and dimensions, is an expression of the One no matter how fragmented the subjective mind perceives it.


    When this fundamental understanding is obscured or lost, it can result in a personality type that sees reality in a very dualistic way (justice/injustice, strong/weak, good/bad etc.) and sees itself as essentially “bad” or “guilty.” To numb the pain of this core wound, The Boss overcompensates by controlling others or by dominating situations so that they don’t feel vulnerable.


    ‘Active Bosses’ tend towards intensity and rigidity, being disciplinarians given to conflict and aggression, and protectiveness towards the weak. ‘Passive Bosses,’ on the other hand, incline toward hedonism and indulge in excess. The Boss’ behavior comes as a result of growing up in an environment where weakness (showing vulnerability) is frowned upon. Thus, The Boss learns that success lies in controlling others, not in being controlled by them.


    On the other hand, The Boss tends to be fair, confident, and self-reliant.


    Examples: Winston Churchill, Indira Gandhi, Ernest Hemingway, Jack Nicholson, Fidel Castro, Pink, Barbara Walters, Pablo Picasso.



    acceptance alone anxiety awareness Body Language core wound courage depression ego empath empathy extrovert fear featured freedom god happiness HSP identity introvert introverted involution joy life loner love old soul old souls oneness pain relationship self-awareness self-esteem self-love self-understanding self discovery sex shadow self shaman solitude soul spirit unconditional love wholeness wisdom


    Check out Loner Wolf, they have a lot of awesome articles and quizzes.


    Soapbox. . .

    Woman yell at man over foodstamps

    Okay, I posted a link, and I just have to give my two cents. . . I watched this video  and I appalled at some people these days. . . It’s people like this woman who just wants to belittle someone trying to feed their kid that truly makes me anti-social.

    You don’t know his situation, maybe he has mental issues, maybe he has muscle issues or his child cannot handle things correctly and  he needs the government’s help. I think she was wrong to instantly judge.

    You would look at me and not see anything wrong. I have anemia (body doesn’t make enough blood), I have depression and anxiety and spleen and female issues. . . all of those you cannot physically see.
    What you would see that I am constantly tired, dizzy, and a bit whiny. There are times I am have extreme headaches, cramps, and side pain from these issues, but errands and chores still have to be done. There are days I just was to lay in bed, chat on my computer, eat chocolate and hope not to cry, but again I HAVE to get out of bed and things NEED to be done.
    I currently have two doctors who do not want me to work. I can easily get overwhelmed and my anxiety goes into harsh panic attacks. They are so bad at times: they will wake me up in my sleep with night terrors. I get pounding heart, migraines, nausea, paranoia, tense muscles, and just aches. However you don’t see that. I have tried to avoid places and people that will cause this. It’s not much of a life.

    I will say this good for you (the group of people) who work everyday and earn your own money. Please keep working for your happiness and your dreams.
    I give a special thanks to those who work, but go out of their way to help and understand those who can’t.
    However for those who can’t, I hope you find someone who can rely on and do something that you love. (I’m sorry you have to deal with people like the woman in the video.)

    And for those bad apples that are making look bad for those who can’t and are barely surviving. Then I have news for you. . . Karma will find you. (You know who you are . . . those who live in government housing, lie about about injuries to get SSD, use a different address for food stamps, while your drug money is paying off your brand new car so can impress your new baby mamas.)

    Bottom line: We all need to play with the cards we are dealt in live. Those who cheat will be caught sooner or later. Can we at this keep this poker game we call life civil?