2018 VS 2019

What have I learned in 2018

1. It’s ok to be single. Friends are better than a struggling relationship.
2. You should research therapist and doctors. It’s ok to switch to seek the doctor that works and listens to you. Second opinions are also ok. (Doctors are human, and they do make mistakes. There are issues with similar symptoms.)
3. Good deeds go a long way. They can be as simple as give money or complicated as giving your time to help someone living situation.
4. Celebrities have the same issues as an “average Joe.” They have depression, anxiety, panic attacks. They get nervous and can worry about roles.  They have diet issues and can get sick. They even have problem with sleep and some even go to therapy.
5. Life is short, be Happy! I have learned that happiness is up to you. It is that simple.  (Pursue things that make you happy.)

 

What I want to do in 2019

1. I want to finish several of my writing projects. (I will have my writing goals on my blog http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/ )
2. I want to make more friends. (I guess I need to socialize a bit more.)
3. I want to help others. (So many has helped me this year, I want to give back.)
4. Make my body healthier (Yes, I know lower soda, walk, and sleep more.)
5. I want to get a better place to live, more space. (Hopefully with a cat or two.)

I am focusing on me

I am focusing on me

I am NOT seeking a relationship for a while.

• I cannot find someone patient enough to truly get me, this does NOT just happen over night.
• I am NOT seeking an online wannabe relationship thing. (I have very weak wifi, my landlord is cheap and thinks a basic house modem can deal with more than ten devices. We have at least four running in our place alone. I also have NO privacy. I will NOT give my messengers or phone number just after one message or one day of messaging. I have learned my lesson. That just means I am dealing with impatient person. One word comes to mind catfish.)
• I think I do not have someone else yet is that I do not want to put my health issues on anyone else.
• I feel there is needs to be some kind of physical intimacy in a relationship. (I’m not asexual or grey sexual at the moment by choice.)
• I am not sure if I am truly over my ex as I keep comparing others to him and most do not add up (there is also a fear of getting hurt again. I know I am strong, but I am still working on the heal process. I do not think I can take another blow.)

I need to focus on my health issues.
• Currently my sleep patterns are off ( my cpap machine not really helping completely yet, I’m still very tired, low energy and easily cranky.)
• I have a rash from the location I am in (the cheap paint and some of the bleach products that they use).
• My emotional issues (hyper, sad, angry, bouncy. . . uncontrolled mood swings and hormonal issues), and my female pains (taking sexual intimacy off the table. Which honestly sucks).

I may take time off the personal sites for a while as there is no connection, no real relationship. I think I need to rewrite my profile because I keep getting guys against my deal-breakers. Some just want instant direction because they just do not want to control their own lives anymore and others just want to sexual please someone. . . I am NOT seeking either.

I think the best for me is to find friends who I truly connect with.
I rather have fun with friends some dinners, karaoke parties, card or board games, cuddles with movies, and if there is that submissive-yet-more-than-friends connections I get with someone, awesome. If not, I am still happy with who I am.

If you want to be friends, awesome. If not then I hope you find the dominant or the kinky girlfriend you need. (Note: if you are into a relationship, please let your partner know that you have friends. I will NOT be a secret.)

So I’m focusing on myself: my health and what makes me happy!

5 of my greatest Compliments

I get compliment and thanked for different things. I try to put others before myself. I have a few skills. . . . Music, writing, cooking etc.

These are my greatest compliments I was given. . .

1. You are a gifted and/or awesome writer. You have so much talent and tell a twisted, creative story. Keep writing. Please don’t stop writing. (I try to write as much as I can. I try my best to ignore the others who say I write too much.)

2. Thank you for being an open and/Or honest person. (I believe in honesty, no point in lying. It will catch up with you and cause a mess.)

3. You are an awesome cook. I love (fill in the dish, I make a lot.) I love

4. I look forward to your future blogs, stories, messages or e-mail etc. (This one is my top 5 because it means the person wants to see or read more of me.)

5. Thank you for replying back. (Its simple, but to me it’s just matters. If you took the time to read my profile and message at least I can do is thank you for your time, even if I’m not interested. It helps for closure and for the other to move on. I hate to be hanging, waiting for a reply that would never happen, it’s rude.)

Honorable mention

You sing so well. I love your voice. (I enjoy singing and I’ve had 14 years of vocal training and won many awards. I had ear isdyes some just sing karaoke and myself now.)

I wasn’t on here all November

I’ve been busy. . .

1. Working on Nanowrimo I explain more about it on my writing blog: http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com
2. Dealing with health issue: sleep issues, female issues, migraine, sinuses, and gout
3. Weekly Errands
4. Working on a writing project for a friend
5. Trying to find friends that understand me
6. Cooking
7. Sleeping
8. Seeing doctors
9. Thanksgiving

Days 29 to 31

I’m trying to better myself

Day 29: What do you think of your teeth and your smile? Do you like them and if so, why? If not, how can you view them more positively?

I used to love my teeth. When I was young I had them capped due to issues I had when I slept, but the caps started to chip a few years back. I need to get them done again, but my dentist is pushing every procedure but it.Sigh.

I used to sing and I used to have a big toothy smile, but now not so much.

My face is the first thing people usually noticed about me and yes i do have teeth problems, but majority are in the back of my mouth. I’m very apprehensive about the whole thing. I hate pain, and many times my teeth hurt

Day 30 Validation is important to our self-esteem. Do others encourage you? If not, what are some ways that you can ask them to so your self-esteem.

My family does help and those who read my writing and blog. . That comment really help my self esteem. It feels like a confirmation that I’m meant to be writing. (Esspecially when I have those who thinks it’s unstable and I’m wasting time writing too much.)

I give myself goals and rewards for myself.

Day 31. Rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10?

It was -5 on my lowest day, but currently I’m at 7.

Has your self-esteem improved?

I have learned about myself. I’ve also learned that I am valuable. My sleep issues make my depression and anxiety feel bigger than they are.

Days 19 to 22

I’m trying to better myself

I’m sorry, but due time issues and sleep problems I’ve put the last four days together.

Day 19: Do you have an activity that makes you feel alive and good within yourself?

1. Writing

2. Playing with Cats

3. Cooking

4 playing games: SIM or jeopardy

5. Music

Day 20: Has your self-esteem improved with doing this challenge? If so, how?

I learned I’m stronger than I thought. I can find the good in me if I just tried a bit more.

I would answer more, but I’ve been fighting sleep issues

Day 21: Name at least 5 things that you are good at.

1. Writing

2. Cooking

3. Shopping

4. Singing

5. Managing. . . Schedules, planning , to-do lists

Day 22: Which of your skills or abilities do you pride yourself on?

I am proud of this skills

My writing

My baking

My cat care

My cooking

My scheduling and list making skills

Day 17: Calming Down

Day 17: What do you do to feel calmer when you’re stressed?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

Things I do to calm down

1. Talk a walk

2. Listen to music

3. Blog or diary about it

4. Post on 7 cups

5. Get a listener on 7 cups

6. Pet a cat

7. Take a bath

8. Get a massage

9. Bake or cook

10. Watch you tube

Day 14: People in your life

Day 14: Is there someone in your life who makes you feel good about yourself? If so, who and why?

I’m trying to better myself

My family tries, but I have not found any one made me feel good about myself. I feel bad, because I either ignore (one side as i do not feel they can handle my emotional side) or snap at them.

When I get compliments on my writings, I feel good. it’s a few second ego boost and done. Sigh. (I’m very grateful for all positive compliment and encouragement for my writing.it means the world to me. I feel good to know I have people who reads.)

However I think I’m more antisocial than I have ever been.(It feels the few people that I trust, not related to me, are too busy with their own lives or have just taken men out of their lives because I guess I’m just too much.)

I feel like a failure between, my anger (people stupidity), my mood swing, and my health issues keep me from friendships and relationships. (It can also be that I was hurt so bad but someone I trusted, I’m afraid I’ll get hurt again.)

I have noticed that there have been people in my life for a spec or moment . . .they serve their purpose and disappear. I’m grateful for those moments, but I would like a friend or submissive boyfriend for a permanent selection of time.

I’ve also learned people are not here to make me happy. If they do that is just the (super light yummy whipped) icing on the cake. If not, I can eat my plain moist cake on my own.

Day 13: Confidence

Day 13: Share about the last time you felt confident in yourself. Why did you feel that confident?

I’m trying to better myself

I’m normally I’m confident in my blogs, stories and novels. I know I’m writer.

However when it comes to people, I can be very insecure. The last time I was truly confident, I was with my ex, Tom. He accepted me for who I am,(was) and he trusted me enough to control our money, errands, most dates, menu, shopping, chores, and such. (I love to plan.) I felt like I could do anything with him. I got sick, things got complicated, and he cheated on me. He did not shatter my heart, but he busted my confidence. I have not found anyone else in which I felt secure and confident.

I hope I find a new person in my life that helps me with my confidence. (I truly hope I can let someone in to let them help me with my confidence.)

Day 12: Proud Moments

Day 12: What’s the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? Why did it make you feel this way?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

There are two stories here. . .

In December of 2016, I was called by my ex mom to ask for help because he had a liver transplant and she had to go back to work. (I didn’t make this decision lightly, my ex cheated on me and fell in live with someone else and my family I had to deal with my health issues and my broken heart for over a year. I will say that step mother over reacting to my mental break down, did make the decision easier. She was the one who pushed the meds and when I was having dark thoughts, she was the one who said I should be in a homeless shelter. It kills me that I lost half my family that day. I wish I could let them know I still loved them, and I appreciating them for helping me.) However I knew I was doing the right thing. My parents taught me to put others before myself whenever I can. I wasn’t rushing to help him as a girlfriend, but as friend that he and his mom still trusted. (The girl he cheated on me with just wanted money and gifts.) I helped everyday with meals, meds, doctors visits. He got a stomach infection and withinn 6 weeks he died from cancer. I did it, because I knew it was the right thing to do, even with me having my own health issues and my own therapy issues.

The second thing I’m proud is finishing my psycho-thriller novella trilogy. It’s current 60% hand written, but it’s finished. It was a script I worked on during my high school time. I switch it to prose and wrote from both the goid side and bad side. I have two novels, three novella finished with at least draft one. I have three novels I’m working on currently.