Tom, the photographer

Tom had many hobbies one of them that he was really good at was photography. These are a few of my favorite pics. 

I even used one for my books.



 My birthday went better than I thought. We had a nice dinner and a really nice shopping spree. I truly wasn’t expecting it. . .

I got. . . 

  • A diary
  • Colored pens
  • This tablet
  • Night shirt
  • Robe
  • Nail polish 
  • Scarf and gloves
  • Bath soap
  • Dress
  • My folding table desk
  • My led light
  • Calendar
  • Hair dye

I really did make out. I appreciate everything John did. He made me brownies and got me rocky road ice cream. I had a really good birthday and weekend. 

My bday . . . Why bother?

My birthday is Wednesday and I know it sounds like a bad lifetime movie, but after the year I had, I wanted a boyfriend for my birthday. 

However I met a guy just before Halloween, and it was nice and exciting at first. . . 

 But then I realize he was not the same guy. . . It was like he split personality. . .  Fun Tigger, which as time went on I rarely saw and wanted to complaining Eeyore. I have my own issues of depression, anxiety, and pstd which I’ve been holding back because I been trying to help him, but whatever I say rarely matters, because once he stops complaining over one thing, he’ll easily find another. 

We agreed to just be friends. I have this feeling his next thing he’ll complain on is my birthday. He was the one who promised me to take me and such. . . I never asked for it

I’m just not looking forward to my birthday and it sucks. 

I mean a nice dinner but with a complaining Eeyore, SIGH. 

What I want right now…

  • I want a house (shared with family) with my own space. I don’t need my own per say, but just my own space that I can make my own.  
  1. Desk for my working computer with a comfy chair
  2. My own recliner with soft sheet set.
  3. Place for my writing
  4. Bigger kitchen to cook and bake
  5. I want a book shelf where I can store my books. Note: buy more books
  • I want at least two cats. I want them cuddly and trainable. Yes, I have trained my cats, to beg for treats, follow me, and ask for food.
  • I want a place close to city where mom or I can find at least a part time job. 
  • I want a place where I can paint. 
  • I want a bathroom with a large tub, I can soak in.  
  • Internet and cable throughout the house. 
  • Good heat and a/c
  • Friendly neighbors
  • More friends that really get me
  • I want my health and sleep to get better
  • Honest people (No catfish and canceled dates)

Recent Sleep schedule

Note: I’ve tried to keep coffee stopped by 6pm and soda by 10pm. 

Dec 1 2am to 8:15 9:20 to 10:35       choppy and feels exhausted

Dec 2 4am to 12:15pm                       still exhausted. Choked a few times

Dec 3 1:30am to 6:15 and   6:45 to  8:15 and   9 to 12 very choppy and foggy,                                                                 headache, and crampy
Dec 4 12:15 to 8:05am and 9:15 to 12:35  exhausted, hard to get up 

Dec 5 2:30 to 8:15 and 9:15 to 11:15      bad dream, tossed and turn alot

Dec 6 1:35 to 8:35  and 9:15 to 11 and 11:35 to 1. Foggy, exhausted

Dec 7 1:45 to 10:55 and 11to 1 and 4:45 to 715 could not stay awake

Dec 8 3am to 11:30                                  very choppy sleep

Dec 9 2:45 to 1:15                                     not super tired but foggy
The more I sleep through the night, the better I am. 

Between, hormonal issues, sleep apnea, headaches, depression, and other mental issues. . . My sleep just is not balanced. 

Who I really am. 

  • ​I am a writer.

I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive. 

I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. (Http://

  • I am a foodie.

I love food. (Yes, I am a bigger lady, and I am watching my weight for health. However I will not deny a new or fun food experience. )

 I enjoy making food, cooking, baking, and going out. (When I got out, I usually try to order something, I usually I will not make at home.)

  • I am always learning.

I’m always researching for my writing. I’ve learned from life experience as well. 

I enjoy reading and finding out more about all kinds of things.

  • I am a bear. (Or a bulldog whatever is cuter.)

I am a very determined person. The loyal person. The type of person who would do whatever I had to.

 I may be sweet or cranky doing it, it depends on how people treat me. 

Overthinking and I think I know why. . .

I am unbalanced. (Okay, you can stop laughing now.)

  • But the thing is that I do walk with my heart on my sleeve,
  •  and I want to help everyone, 
  • and I feel guilty whenever I ask for something

However learned a few things (Not even in school. . . Lol.)

I have learned

  • If I look at things logically, I’m responsible, but I have no fun. 
  • If I just wig it, I have even more anxiety than if I plan it.
  • Letting go is way harder to do, and you may have to do over and over until you get it. 
  • Music uplifts my mood.
  • Small things count. 
  • It is ok to ask for things.
  • Do not judge someone, you have never been in there head or in their shoes. 
  • I’m not really alone. 

I need to stop over analyzing and just enjoy the moment