Chatting games

I try not to play the “hard to get” chatting games. 

I’m trying to be more open in the dating pool, but I know what I want and yet the doors are current closed. 

So I chat, but then guy gets aggressive even at my polite pushing away. 

  • “I’m not into your interests.
  • “I need to go to bed”
  • “We don’t live close, I’m seeking someone local. “
  • “I do not want just a chat, I want a real life relationship.”

 If I tell exactly how I see it, I sound like a b*tch

  • “I see us talking online, but then you will lie or be aggressive about something you really want and make me uncomfortable.” (Pusher)
  • “You’ll talk to me try to get pic and get off or I say no and you go on the the next easy chatter. You won’t chat again or if you do you ask for more pics.” (Pic weasel because the term I want to use is not nice)
  • “We chat for a few days, until either one say that is deal breaker ” (delayed dealbreaker I ask my deal breaking issues on chat 1.)
  • Chat, one date,  no call (fearful brats)

    I want a text, chat to continue after the first date, and then second and a third date etc. 

    If I don’t think we are going to be at least friends, then why are we even chatting? 


    What I want. . . In texting. . .

    I want my submissive boyfriend cuddly, obedient, and semi-clingy. 
    I want to hear from them several times throughout the day.
    I’m not a morning person BUT I love morning messages. . .
    Like. . .
    “I woke up this morning and thought of you. . .”
    “I had a wild dream of you. ”
    “Wish you were talking a shower with me ”

    OR day time messages. . .
    “Just got out of work. . . Thing of you.”
    “Wish you were here”
    “Hugs and/or kisses”

    I sleep better with night messages
    “Wish you were here to cuddle with me”
    “Wanted to wish you a good night”
    “Miss you honey”

    It’s obedience to keep constant with the texting, but I want them to mean it. (I’m not into guys  who don’t communicate.)

    I want a guy who thinks of me and excited to be with me. I know that guys can be interested in more that just naughty things because I’ve had a few who were interested in me for me. Time and distance pulled us apart. Sigh.

    Therapy updates

    I’ve learned some things. . . (from

    1. I have to let go of things on a daily basis. It helps me sleep better. 
    2. I need more support than just another therapist once a month. They have other people who just listen. 
    3. I need to focus on what I want. . . NOT on  what I don’t want. 
    4. I need to take big goals into smaller goals, and daily goals. 

    I’m slowly doing better. I know I have a long road. 

    I need to stop thinking. . .

    I need to stop thinking because the mixture of loneliness, desperation, and self doubt. . . I start to overthink and go against my first impression, and gut feeling. 

    My gut is 95% correct. It always been on the money with what I truly need. 

    However with my hormonal imbalance my heart and my head keeps twisting my thoughts. Then you add all this time I have in the mixture and my desperate thoughts are trying to sneak against my own boundaries. I put those there for a reason . . . Somethings make me uncomfortable.

    My gut is telling me hold my ground.

    But. . .

    • My hormones want to have fun. 
    • My broken heart wants comfort. 
    • My soul is hallow. 
    • My head is lonely. 

    I just want a friend who gets me. 

    Secret confession 

    I’m learning I need to face my own feelings and emotions. I realize I need to do this to get back to myself and my happiness. 

    My confession is the statements “I’m okay.” and “I’m fine.” Are my go to saying. It’s better than explaining emotions or complaining about my life’s issues.  

    For example, when someone asks “how are you? ”  I say ” I’m okay.” Instead of “my insurance gave me an error and I couldn’t get my meds. This guy push me to give him my number, and I wish I hadn’t. I just wasted a year on a guy who catfished and lied to me. The guy I think I like is too busy for me, but I can’t stop thinking of him.. My ride for errands cancelled on me. This is all making me edging and my anxiety is high. However our towel smell amazing.”

    If I said all of that I think I would overwhelm a new person. 

    I’ve been on a new therapy site called and they have chats with groups, listeners and therapists. They also have tests and exercises to help with my depression and anxiety. I have getting more benefits from that site than my 2 therapists in real life. 

    If you chat with me and I say fine or ok, there usually (9 times out of 10) there is more. Don’t ask about it unless you really want to hear about it, please. 

    Weekend plans

    I plan to play my brother’s ff rpg. (It’s a dice and fantasy game). 

    I also plan to cook, work on some blogs and short stories  (Not sure what genre yet). 

    I’m also watching catfish, I’m obsessed with that show. I do a lot of chatting and online flirting, so I’m always cautious. 
    I had a stressful day yesterday I had issues with insurance. I hope next week to get it worked out. Meanwhile I have to hold off on all my doctors and meds. I have some to hold me off, but it really freaked me out. 

    I’ve had a few people (besides family) who really helped me out yesterday and I’m very thankful for that. I’ve learned it’s one day at a time with my depression. Each day is a hill, and I got over yesterday. The weekend is hopefully just going to be relaxing.

    Yes another post on cats. . .

    We have four stray cats. Three that hang around our place, but I can’t really take care of them. Its mama kitty, peaches and cream, and boo.

    My mom is afraid the landlord is going to charge us for our door cats. If I had the money, I would pay it, but it’s 25 dollars a week per cat.

    I was bad, I gave them chicken . . . I don’t think it was bad, because they are cute and hungry and I like cats and some  of the cute, fuzzy animals more than humans.

    Things That Make Me Happy

    Things that make me happy

    1. Getting an a long e-mail
    2. Baking
    3. Cooking
    4. Good Sex with lots of foreplay
    5. Hours of unbothered writing
    6. Writing 10,000 words in a day
    7. Finishing (reading) a good book
    8. A story with a good twist
    9. Not being able to predict something
    10. Soda-pop
    11. Going out
    12. Helping others
    13. Making others happy
    14. Cats
    15. Cuddling with someone nice during a movie
    16. Kissing and making out
    17. Getting actual mail: letters and package
    18. Bubble bath
    19. Having energy
    20. A nice walk
    21. Lots of pillows and comfy bed
    22. Good night sleep
    23. Talking all night
    24. Going to the zoo
    25. Sailing
    26. Swimming
    27. Good Morning Greeting
    28. Spooning: I like the inner spoon
    29. Flirting
    30. A good tone male hairless chest
    31. A fit six pack ab
    32. Bright blue or blue-green eyes
    33. A nice smile
    34. Hair on the a guy’s head that I can run my hand through
    35. A night of card or board games with friends

    I’m just Tipsy

    I hate talking when someone is drunk. . .
    they get loud, frisky, and always seem to have argumentative ideas.
    I either think they are always right or they have to save all of the world’s problems right there and then.
    They also pull answers out of the thin air.
    Why can’t just people drink quietly and go to bed?


    On a bar note: 

    I hate being drunk. . . I’m afraid I will get taken advantage of. . . I have to be in control.

    Many of my friends think I am looser when I had a drink or two.

    Just do not get me to pass to my emotional drunk, because then I am a wreck, bitchy, jealous, and no fun.