My Bad Habits

My Bad Habits

1. “I’m sorry.” I will say it even if I did nothing wrong. If the situation is wrong or bad. “I’m sorry.” Are the few words that come out of my mouth as if it’s my fault, it rained or that hot woman didn’t like you. It’s a bad force of the habit. I am the oldest of my siblings… and if something went wrong … it was my instant go to.
However I will not simply accept “I’m sorry,” or flower (I prefer candy or notebooks and pens.) for an apology especially if a person does not tell me what they are sorry about.

2. Over thinking… I question everything and if I have to rethink my questions and ideas … I wonder if my original ideas were right or wrong… I have talked myself out dates, meeting people, new experiences, jobs, writing projects. Please do NOT make me rethink my ideas.
I try myself to follow my hunches (gut), hearts, and then head… in that order.

3. I’m too soft. I feel I give in to easily, because I do not want to be alone. I have done stuff or meet people that I know don’t fit just because I want to get out. I need to stop this.

4. I keep blaming my health. I got dealt a weird and weak hand with life. I have to stop blaming myself for bad health and get creative. My health can impact my moodiness. I really need to stop hiding behind my health problems.

5. I can be lazy. I can write for hours or walk over a mile but I hate to clean. I simply blame my laziness. My laziness can talk me out of doing things… it’s hard to motivate myself when I simply do not want to do something.

6. I love food, and it can be a weakness such as going to my favorite restaurant. I love to cook, bake, and having nice dinner parties (nothing fancy just friends, food, games and movies.) It is a weakness to me, and lately it’s one of my only motivation which is sad.

I need to face my weaknesses

  • Food and shopping. (I love shopping whether it’s for fun or I have a list and goals.)
  • Feeling guilty after bitchiness even someone deserves it. (I should only feel guilty if the person did not purposely push my buttons.)
  • Loneliness vs being semi-social. (I have to understand not everyone has such an open schedule like I do. However there are time where I am simply tired, focused, or just too drained than to talked to people.)
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I’m Lonely, not stupid

I’m lonely, but I’m not stupid. I will not meet up with someone who does not show me their picture. It can be anyone.

We post pics all over media. . . Facebook, personals, blogs etc.

Please send a pic and may it really be you.

I hate the excuses. . .

  • Work won’t allow it, then take it at home.
  • My family doesn’t know, then email it to me. (I delete pics if the guy doesn’t work out, why should I keep pics of guys who aren’t meant for me?)
  • My phone is new and I have no pic. Then take a pic.

If you are hiding something, please just leave alone. I only want open and honest people in my life.

This is me.

It’s been awhile

Things I’ve been up to. . .

  • I went out three times this week, which was nice. However I’m exhausted and it’s the weekend, grrr.
  • I worked on a release book. . . For my depression, anxiety, ptsd and spiritual so I can let go things and move on. . . I feel lighter and I’ve been sleeping better.
  • I’ve made several friends which is nice.
  • I’ve been trying to organize my writing.
  • I’m also trying to figure out why computer cord keeps buzzing: I think it’s a mixture of a bad cord and broke fan either way I need to take it to a computer guy.
  • My hands have swollen from writing so much. I think it’s carpal tunnel syndrome. . . Because water pills don’t always help and there is pain too. Bummer, huh?
  • I have finished draft one of my thriller novella trilogy “Driving Lies.” I know I keep bragging, but it’s a project that about 150,000 words give or take divided into three parts that started as a corny thriller script I wrote as a teenager because I needed more action in my life.
  • I’ve cooked a lot with the slow cooker.

I’ve been busy. I always try to stay busy.

What I Learned in 2017 

  1.  Life is short. ( My ex boyfriend/fiance died at age 36 from cancer within the first two weeks of January. Life is short so make the most of it.)
  2. You can never have too many friends. (It seems like they are harder to make and keep as we get older?.)
  3. Do not settle ( it does not bring happiness.)
  4. Its OK to vent and let it go. Once you let it go stop, complaining. Complaining can turn toxic. (Just remember this as you complain, it can always be worst!)
  5. Its OK to cry. (It helps the release. If you need to make excuse to cry, a chick flick and ice cream helps.)
  6. There are still “good” people out there. (Sometimes you need to get a bad person to appreciate the good people in your life.)
  7. People need to stop lying. (I am honest and I wanted to save feelings, but lying to someone is not worth it. Stop catfishing while you’re at it people. There are 7.6 million people in this world, I’m sure you’ll eventually find someone who likes you foir if you stop lying and complaining.)
  8. Anxiety and depression meds can change your personality. It is not for the good. (The good news it is usually temporary and you can go back to normal when the pills work through your system. If this happens, communicate openly with your doctors and be specific.) 
  9. Money is nice but is does buy happiness and does not make me feel secure. (my security blog Writing make me happy. Being with positive people makes me happy. Cooking and baking makes me happy.)
  10. I need to stop comparing my past to my future. (New and different adventures are awaiting for me.) 


    I hope 2018 is way better than 2017. I did learn a lot. 

    What I Learned in 2017 

    1.  Life is short. ( My ex boyfriend/fiance died at age 36 from cancer within the first two weeks of January. Life is short so make the most of it.)
    2. You can never have too many friends. (It seems like they are harder to make and keep as we get older?.)
    3. Do not settle ( it does not bring happiness.)
    4. Its OK to vent and let it go. Once you let it go stop, complaining. Complaining can turn toxic. (Just remember this as you complain, it can always be worst!)
    5. Its OK to cry. (It helps the release. If you need to make excuse to cry, a chick flick and ice cream helps.)
    6. There are still “good” people out there. (Sometimes you need to get a bad person to appreciate the good people in your life.)
    7. People need to stop lying. (I am honest and I wanted to save feelings, but lying to someone is not worth it. Stop catfishing while you’re at it people. There are 7.6 million people in this world, I’m sure you’ll eventually find someone who likes you foir if you stop lying and complaining.)
    8. Anxiety and depression meds can change your personality. It is not for the good. (The good news it is usually temporary and you can go back to normal when the pills work through your system. If this happens, communicate openly with your doctors and be specific.) 
    9. Money is nice but is does buy happiness and does not make me feel secure. (my security blog Writing make me happy. Being with positive people makes me happy. Cooking and baking makes me happy.)
    10. I need to stop comparing my past to my future. (New and different adventures are awaiting for me.) 


      I hope 2018 is way better than 2017. I did learn a lot. 

      Hope. 

      Its the third day in which I’m not super depressed. This is good.

      I hope that I can keep this better than depressed feeling will keep going.
      I do miss him. However I hope he finds someone amazing. I’m more of his D.U.F.F.. ( Disignated ugly fat friend ). All I want is for him to stop complaining, be out of pain, and find him someone amazing to make him happy.
      He had me spend over 200 dollars for my birthday. No one has ever spent that much on me ( not related to me.)
      I do love that he trusts me. I’m scared that he’ll trust others because he trusts me. I pride myself on my honesty, most of the world is not as trustworthy as I am


      Birthday

       My birthday went better than I thought. We had a nice dinner and a really nice shopping spree. I truly wasn’t expecting it. . .

      I got. . . 

      • A diary
      • Colored pens
      • This tablet
      • Night shirt
      • Robe
      • Nail polish 
      • Scarf and gloves
      • Bath soap
      • Dress
      • My folding table desk
      • My led light
      • Calendar
      • Hair dye

      I really did make out. I appreciate everything John did. He made me brownies and got me rocky road ice cream. I had a really good birthday and weekend.