Therapy exercise

I was asked “Where do I see myself in a year?” 

This year, from Sept (2016) to Sept (2017), I’ve learned that so much can change in the year. 

  • By next Sept (2018), I hope to have my thriller novella trilogy being sold in real book stores. 
  • I also hope to help my mom and brother have their own place with two cats.
  • I hope I am with a great guy who gets me, but that is icing on the cake. 

My goal is to put my past behind me and build my confidence. 

Where do I see myself in 5 years?”

(When I was in therapy, I had said I wanted to be with a guy, I found out was a catfish.) I realize I need  to focus on me. 

  • I hope to be on book tours and lectures and selling my books.
  • I hope my family is taken care of.
  • I hope to be with someone, but again it is icing on the cake. 

I try to focus a day at a time, not to look at the future. I get anxious thinking about it. 



Health issues. . . GRRR Vs ZZZZZ

Health wise . . . I have felt like I’ve been stuck upside on a rollercoaster. I mean I get a good energy day like the other day. . . I wrote over 4000 words, made dinner, help straighten the place up, made coffee, and helped with whatever anyone needed. Then all day yesterday I was drained. . . I could barely get out of bed.

I hate it when I over do myself on a high energy Why can’t I ever just have energy and get good sleep to do it again the next day? I mean on my draining days there are times even coffee doesn’t help.

One good day and I can be down for a day, a few days or even a week. When I am drain but up I get headaches and I feel like a zombie trying to focus. Grrr.

Between my zombie insomnia and my rough sleep apnea: a good night sleep is hard.

Why me? It makes it really hard to focus.


It’s interesting I saw the movie “Defiantly, Maybe” today.

The character April explained something which makes sense to me, right now at this moment.
“It’s NOT who . . . it’s when.”

It’s like watching how peguins go for years looking for their mate, and they wait for that moment. (That was in the movie as well.)

I feel I need to wait for when. . . maybe I have to learn something . . . maybe I simply have to wait until just the right time. However I am very impatient. . . I like this guy 1300 miles away, and we both have similar problems. I just wish we can both get over those damn ostabacles.

I have some health issues. . . aminea, sleep apnea, and diabetes. (Not to mention don’t work well with my hormone issues, depression, and anxiety.) These problems keep me from having a normal sleep schedule and make it almost impossible to get even a part time job.

Who knows maybe next year we will be together. . . I just have a hard at this point in my life seeing to the end of the week, or even just the end of the day.

However afterwards, I usually understand that I am right place at the right time to learn the lessons I need to.

I’m trying to find what my purpose it at this part in my life. I think it’s not about one purpose in life, but different purposes in life. As simple as cooking for family, to as complicated as working three jobs, and then writing a story and having cat naps in between.tumblr_nkacas3g2n1rg09p7o1_500

What I want for 2017

Personal Goals for 2017

  1. I want to walk more. (At least three walks a week or several rounds on the stairs.)
  2. I want to lose weight. (80 pounds. . . ultimate goal.)
  3. I want to be more active.
  4. I want to stretch more. (No charlie horses.)
  5. I want to learn some basic yoga and be more physically flexible.
  6. I want my tight clothes to be looser.
  7. I want to lower my diabetes numbers.
  8. I want to try more recipes.
  9. I want to control my binge eating. I want to eat smaller sizes.
  10. I want to eat better.
  11. I want to get into the habit of three meals a day.
  12. I want to paint more.
  13. I want to read more.
  14. I want to save a little money.
  15. I want to meet my “wolfie.” He knows who he is.
  16. I want to deal, maybe even cure my anxiety and depression.
  17. I want to mediate more and be able to always access my happy place.
  18. I want to finish some of the projects I have started.
  19. I want to start some new projects.
  20. I want to help my ex get stronger and heal.

Things that Happened in 2016

2016 was a very challenging year. I felt really stuck and trapped this year, so I really didn’t feel I accomplished that much. I mean I didn’t even finish a book: writing or reading. However I have learned a lot about myself.

My writing accomplishments link here. . .

Things I accomplished in 2016

  1. I am working more on a day schedule. Eh, I know, but maybe I can figure out where to get more writing and editing in.
  2. I have gone to the doctor myself.
  3. I have gone to therapy by myself.
  4. I feel I have more energy.

Things I have learned in 2016

  1. I loved flavored coffee. (Mocha, coconut, caramel vanilla, and Chocolate raspberry are my favorite.)
  2. My cat will look all over the house when I am gone.
  3. I miss my cat very much.
  4. Therapy really works as long as you are open and honest with the therapist and yourself.
  5. I like cats sometimes better than people.
  6. I would be a good vet assistant or care-giver.
  7. I have less anxiety when I am busy.
  8. I live and deal better when I am on my own.
  9. I can do chores better when I am by myself (at my own time and doing it my own way.)
  10. I’m sorry, but I am not a baby or kid person. (I rather have a fur-baby that purrs.)
  11. I have learned I hate to be controlled or told what to do. I do NOT deal with authority well.
  12. Distance is just a number when love is involved. (still makes me sad my “wolfie” is not here.)
  13. I secretly like to fold towels and peel potatoes.
  14. I do not like being treated like a 15 year old who needs a babysitter.
  15. Not driving really limits me. (But I am terrified of getting in an accident again.)

Confession 20

10 Food Confessions

  1. You will get grumpy me, if you tell me I cannot eat something. Growing up, I got the “I’m saving that.” Or “It’s for your father.” Now that I am adult I when people tell I can’t enjoy myself with food, it makes me mad.
  2. I am borderline diabetic: I know I need to watch my sugar and carbs.
  3. I get very sleepy when I overeat. I love and hate holidays for that reason.
  4. I love candy! I usually always have candy. (I did in school, and most people know it.)
  5. I hate to count calories; I rather count words. I have written over 1,000 words today. (I also seem to love food with higher calories. Big Mac have close to 1000 calories.)
  6. My three ultimate comfort foods: mashed potatoes and beef gravy, lasagna, and extra cheesy bacon mac n cheese. (All have carbs. I also like a salad with everything.)
  7. I have cut back on my soda to once a day. (I’ve been pretty good.)
  8. I love when people get excited over my food.
  9. Three foods I hate: Canned peas, canned spinach, and liver
  10. If I cannot get thin, then I am making the rest of the world fat with my food.


I need to take better care of myself. . .

I have anxiety, depression, anemia, spleen and female issues. . .
I also need a lot of dental work done.
I had more tests and I feel a few answers.
Now I feel like the doctors are just pushing me off.
I have been trying to eat better, most of my soda-pop is diet.
I have been drinking more water and tea.
I have been losing weight. . . it’s been up and down 13 pounds.
I want to be healthy again and be able to get out and do some adventurous things.

Night of Living Links. . .

More links to blogs of me. . .

A little more about me. . .


My Addictions With pictures


Health issues including Anxiety and Depression


Drama and distraction (I guess, to be honest, they are one in the same with me.)


My Heaven


My Hell









Health issues: More than just a cough

I’ve had some serious health issues and lately they keep playing a roller coaster of unpredictability with me. Anyway I thought I had serious case of diabetes-I’ve been tired all of the time. I’m been sluggish lack of focus I snappy, emotional, drained, nauseated, constantly thirsty, dizzy, and frequent urination. All of these symptoms mixed with day to day errand and chores was crushing me

I got some blood work done to find out I am still boarder line diabetic. However my blood was low especially my red blood cells. Just over half what they are supposed to be. Sotho doctor gave me iron and vitamins they help but no one knows why my blood count is so low it could be female issues which is what I really believe. However I am still running more tests.

Some days I’m good and some days and I’m just plain exhausted. I hate sleeping for 12 plus hours, whether it 12 hours straight or 6 hours here, 2 hours here and 4 hours there. I want to sleep less and write more why won’t my body work with me?


I also have moments of depression and anxiety still . . . my stepmom just doesn’t stop from the moment she gets up to the moment she goes to bed. . . how the f*ck does she do it? The thing is I feel guilty when I cannot keep up with her, but my anemia barely lets me have a normal schedule. 9 times out of 10, if I am up but 9am, I am either napping until noon or I am out by 9pm. She gets up by 11am and doesn’t go to bed until 2am.
The snow has started to come in, and now everyone has colds. I can feel my body trying to fight, but I still get a running nose and sneezing. This pushes me back even more . . . I can write with a cold, but physical stuff is hard.

Things I have learned in 2015

I have been through a lot in 2015, and I’ve decided that it is in the past.

However I have learned A few things this past year. . .

  1. Be careful in whom you trust.
  2. Family will always be there for me!
  3. It is okay to take care of me. And put myself first especially with health issues.
  4. I am not as diabetic as I thought I was; however, that doesn’t mean I can’t start now to prevent it. Diet and exercise!
  5. There are many fish in the sea.
  6. I cannot pretend to be who I am.
  7. I should Never settle—I am worth more than that! My happiness is important!
  8. Be careful what/ who you wish for… it may not be the thing you want.
  9. Sleep is a good thing.
  10. You can overcome depression get upland take one day at a time.

I just want 2016 to be better and brighter than 2015. I believe that good people and things are yet to come.