Recent Sleep schedule

Note: I’ve tried to keep coffee stopped by 6pm and soda by 10pm. 

Dec 1 2am to 8:15 9:20 to 10:35       choppy and feels exhausted

Dec 2 4am to 12:15pm                       still exhausted. Choked a few times

Dec 3 1:30am to 6:15 and   6:45 to  8:15 and   9 to 12 very choppy and foggy,                                                                 headache, and crampy
Dec 4 12:15 to 8:05am and 9:15 to 12:35  exhausted, hard to get up 

Dec 5 2:30 to 8:15 and 9:15 to 11:15      bad dream, tossed and turn alot

Dec 6 1:35 to 8:35  and 9:15 to 11 and 11:35 to 1. Foggy, exhausted

Dec 7 1:45 to 10:55 and 11to 1 and 4:45 to 715 could not stay awake

Dec 8 3am to 11:30                                  very choppy sleep

Dec 9 2:45 to 1:15                                     not super tired but foggy
The more I sleep through the night, the better I am. 

Between, hormonal issues, sleep apnea, headaches, depression, and other mental issues. . . My sleep just is not balanced. 

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2017 death, men, meh. 

It has been a trying year.

 I think I’ve had more bad days and blah days than nice days. 

I’ve lost more people and been more rejected this year than all of my life. 

I’m not sure why or how I keep doing it. 

With the winter coming, I will need as much mental help as I can get. . .

I claim now 2018 . . . Better than 2017

Sleep issues: Sleep Apnea

It sucks. I have sleep apnea-it means that my throat does not open properly or let me inhale enough air. I snore hard and I gasp and choke from lack of oxygen.

Things that happen when you don’t get quality sleep. . .

  1.  Always exhausted
  2. Headaches 
  3. Blue lips from lack of oxygen
  4. Rings or begs under the eyes
  5. Dizzy
  6. Sick easier
  7. Hard to focus

All I want to do is to stay in bed and watch tv if Ican focus at all. It’s impossible to keep a steady job, which makes me feel like a failure and makes my depression higher. (Even now I forced myself out of bed, I’m fighting a headache, and I’m pushing myself to type.)

 I’ve tried so many things. . .

  1. Three or more pillows, helps to a point. 
  2. Fan
  3. Sleeping in a recliner
  4. Sleeping at different times a day

 I am currently in the process of fixing with my doctor over it. 

Sleep issues: Sleep Apnea

It sucks. I have sleep apnea-it means that my throat does not open properly or let me inhale enough air. I snore hard and I gasp and choke from lack of oxygen.

Things that happen when you don’t get quality sleep. . .

  1.  Always exhausted
  2. Headaches 
  3. Blue lips from lack of oxygen
  4. Rings or begs under the eyes
  5. Dizzy
  6. Sick easier
  7. Hard to focus

All I want to do is to stay in bed and watch tv if Ican focus at all. It’s impossible to keep a steady job, which makes me feel like a failure and makes my depression higher. (Even now I forced myself out of bed, I’m fighting a headache, and I’m pushing myself to type.)

 I’ve tried so many things. . .

  1. Three or more pillows, helps to a point. 
  2. Fan
  3. Sleeping in a recliner
  4. Sleeping at different times a day

 I am currently in the process of fixing with my doctor over it. 

Being on best behavior 

When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior. 

  1. No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
  2. I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
  3. No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
  4. Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
  5. Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
  6. Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite) 
  7. No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
  8. Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.) 
  9. Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
  10. Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)

I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me. 

I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have

Therapy exercise

I was asked “Where do I see myself in a year?” 

This year, from Sept (2016) to Sept (2017), I’ve learned that so much can change in the year. 

  • By next Sept (2018), I hope to have my thriller novella trilogy being sold in real book stores. 
  • I also hope to help my mom and brother have their own place with two cats.
  • I hope I am with a great guy who gets me, but that is icing on the cake. 

My goal is to put my past behind me and build my confidence. 

Where do I see myself in 5 years?”

(When I was in therapy, I had said I wanted to be with a guy, I found out was a catfish.) I realize I need  to focus on me. 

  • I hope to be on book tours and lectures and selling my books.
  • I hope my family is taken care of.
  • I hope to be with someone, but again it is icing on the cake. 

I try to focus a day at a time, not to look at the future. I get anxious thinking about it. 

 

Health issues. . . GRRR Vs ZZZZZ

Health wise . . . I have felt like I’ve been stuck upside on a rollercoaster. I mean I get a good energy day like the other day. . . I wrote over 4000 words, made dinner, help straighten the place up, made coffee, and helped with whatever anyone needed. Then all day yesterday I was drained. . . I could barely get out of bed.

I hate it when I over do myself on a high energy Why can’t I ever just have energy and get good sleep to do it again the next day? I mean on my draining days there are times even coffee doesn’t help.

One good day and I can be down for a day, a few days or even a week. When I am drain but up I get headaches and I feel like a zombie trying to focus. Grrr.

Between my zombie insomnia and my rough sleep apnea: a good night sleep is hard.

Why me? It makes it really hard to focus.