Day 18: Talking

Day 18: Do you like the way you talk? If so, why? If not, how can you view it more positively?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

If you know me, I can swear and I’m not pc. (I Wil not cuss around those I know don’t like it or if I have to sound professional.) However I am so honest that many people stop asking questions. . .if you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask me.

I can’t be blunt, but whether people want to hear, sometimes they need to hear.

I try to be positive when I think and talk, I just find negative people trying to burst my bubble

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Day 17: Calming Down

Day 17: What do you do to feel calmer when you’re stressed?

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Things I do to calm down

1. Talk a walk

2. Listen to music

3. Blog or diary about it

4. Post on 7 cups

5. Get a listener on 7 cups

6. Pet a cat

7. Take a bath

8. Get a massage

9. Bake or cook

10. Watch you tube

Day 16: Accessories

Day 16: Do you have makeup, clothing or an accessory that makes you feel positive about yourself? If so, what is it and why does it?

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  • I don’t wear make up.

  • I hate dress up.
  • Heels would kill my ankles. (I own one pair of shoes and two pairs of slippers)

I dress for comfort. I love my jeans or sweats and my baggy tee shirts.

I feel the most like myself with a pen and paper or in front of a computer. (Or in a kitchen)

Day 15: Outer Image

Day 15: Do you like your personal appearance? If so, why? If not, what are some ways you could view yourself differently?

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My body has always been an up and down issue with me. I’ve always been a larger, curvy girl. My legs are 90% muscle, (cannot be pinched) because of the sports I was in and even now I walk whenever I can. My behind or stomach are my problem areas when they are the last to get slimmer, sigh.

I’m not into dressing up, make up or heel. I’m into comfort: jeans and tee shirts. (It’s hard for me to any skirt, blouse or dress that I like or feel good in. My weight with heels, ah, no, no no.)

As for my face, I’ve always had a youthful, cute face. I love my high cheek bones, bottom of the lake blue eyes, and a nice smile. (I get comments on my eyes.) My hair is fine but greasy , I have dyed it in all colors but green, and I usually gave it in a pony tail. (The back of my neck gets hot fast.) My teeth need extra care, but over I’m not bad.

It just depends on my mood in how I see myself, on a good day I see myself as 7 (minus health issues.) On a bad day . . . a -2.

I am hard on myself, and I am my worst enemy. (I’ve gotten more compliments than insults on my personal ads, and yet the insult seem to sting longer.)

Day 14: People in your life

Day 14: Is there someone in your life who makes you feel good about yourself? If so, who and why?

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My family tries, but I have not found any one made me feel good about myself. I feel bad, because I either ignore (one side as i do not feel they can handle my emotional side) or snap at them.

When I get compliments on my writings, I feel good. it’s a few second ego boost and done. Sigh. (I’m very grateful for all positive compliment and encouragement for my writing.it means the world to me. I feel good to know I have people who reads.)

However I think I’m more antisocial than I have ever been.(It feels the few people that I trust, not related to me, are too busy with their own lives or have just taken men out of their lives because I guess I’m just too much.)

I feel like a failure between, my anger (people stupidity), my mood swing, and my health issues keep me from friendships and relationships. (It can also be that I was hurt so bad but someone I trusted, I’m afraid I’ll get hurt again.)

I have noticed that there have been people in my life for a spec or moment . . .they serve their purpose and disappear. I’m grateful for those moments, but I would like a friend or submissive boyfriend for a permanent selection of time.

I’ve also learned people are not here to make me happy. If they do that is just the (super light yummy whipped) icing on the cake. If not, I can eat my plain moist cake on my own.

Day 13: Confidence

Day 13: Share about the last time you felt confident in yourself. Why did you feel that confident?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

I’m normally I’m confident in my blogs, stories and novels. I know I’m writer.

However when it comes to people, I can be very insecure. The last time I was truly confident, I was with my ex, Tom. He accepted me for who I am,(was) and he trusted me enough to control our money, errands, most dates, menu, shopping, chores, and such. (I love to plan.) I felt like I could do anything with him. I got sick, things got complicated, and he cheated on me. He did not shatter my heart, but he busted my confidence. I have not found anyone else in which I felt secure and confident.

I hope I find a new person in my life that helps me with my confidence. (I truly hope I can let someone in to let them help me with my confidence.)

Day 12: Proud Moments

Day 12: What’s the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? Why did it make you feel this way?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

There are two stories here. . .

In December of 2016, I was called by my ex mom to ask for help because he had a liver transplant and she had to go back to work. (I didn’t make this decision lightly, my ex cheated on me and fell in live with someone else and my family I had to deal with my health issues and my broken heart for over a year. I will say that step mother over reacting to my mental break down, did make the decision easier. She was the one who pushed the meds and when I was having dark thoughts, she was the one who said I should be in a homeless shelter. It kills me that I lost half my family that day. I wish I could let them know I still loved them, and I appreciating them for helping me.) However I knew I was doing the right thing. My parents taught me to put others before myself whenever I can. I wasn’t rushing to help him as a girlfriend, but as friend that he and his mom still trusted. (The girl he cheated on me with just wanted money and gifts.) I helped everyday with meals, meds, doctors visits. He got a stomach infection and withinn 6 weeks he died from cancer. I did it, because I knew it was the right thing to do, even with me having my own health issues and my own therapy issues.

The second thing I’m proud is finishing my psycho-thriller novella trilogy. It’s current 60% hand written, but it’s finished. It was a script I worked on during my high school time. I switch it to prose and wrote from both the goid side and bad side. I have two novels, three novella finished with at least draft one. I have three novels I’m working on currently.