I used to watch the game show called Baggage. Jerry Springer was the host. There was the main person, male or female which had a piece of extreme baggage. Then they get to see three or four of the wanted type of partner with their small, medium, and large baggage.
It made me think what is my baggage.
Small baggage: I’m very close to my family. I moved back in with them. (My ex didn’t want me to work, so when he passed away, I had nothing. I try to help support my family and they help and support me.)
Medium baggage: I am seeking someone to inspire me and support my writing career.
Large baggage: I have health issues which encourages me to entrance more of a dominant life style. I am a dominant yet sensual mistress who loves control. I love chastity and other fetishes. I want a submissive boyfriend who wants me for who I am and supports me.
Surprising baggage: I do not want kids, and I will not date those with kids. I rather have 2 to 3 cats. I helped raise my brothers and was forced into an education major, this burnt me out. I want adult fun, writing my book, like running around the house naked or have dinner parties or traveling more.
I am a dope.
This summer. . .
- I’ve had ten cancelled dates.
- Been blown off by dozens of cute guys (probably due to my weight)
- Been lied to by a catfish
- And been on dozens of dead end chats
- Been blocked three times
- Been ignored for politics
- Now I can say I’ve almost been scammed three times (I do not trust anyone who says itune cards.)
Aren’t there any cute, real, decent loyal guys left?
The more I talk to people, the more I like cats.
We have four stray cats. Three that hang around our place, but I can’t really take care of them. Its mama kitty, peaches and cream, and boo.
My mom is afraid the landlord is going to charge us for our door cats. If I had the money, I would pay it, but it’s 25 dollars a week per cat.
I was bad, I gave them chicken . . . I don’t think it was bad, because they are cute and hungry and I like cats and some of the cute, fuzzy animals more than humans.
1. A good cup of coffee
3. A Sweet text
4. Fried chicken
5. Soda-pop (pepsi)
6. New notebook
7. New colored pens
8. Clean clothes with tide
9. Clean sheets
10. First kiss
11. A good movie
12. A good book
13. Agood joke
15. Not having to put groceries back at the register
18. Writing a story
19. Finishing a writing project
21. Writing several blogs
22. A bubble bath
23. Going out
24. Ice cream
26. Dark Forest Cake
27. Time to write
29. Secretly dancing
30. Good night sleep
32. A good song
35. Body Spray
36. a long drive
2016 was a very challenging year. I felt really stuck and trapped this year, so I really didn’t feel I accomplished that much. I mean I didn’t even finish a book: writing or reading. However I have learned a lot about myself.
My writing accomplishments link here. . . https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/12/30/what-happened-in-2016/
Things I accomplished in 2016
- I am working more on a day schedule. Eh, I know, but maybe I can figure out where to get more writing and editing in.
- I have gone to the doctor myself.
- I have gone to therapy by myself.
- I feel I have more energy.
Things I have learned in 2016
- I loved flavored coffee. (Mocha, coconut, caramel vanilla, and Chocolate raspberry are my favorite.)
- My cat will look all over the house when I am gone.
- I miss my cat very much.
- Therapy really works as long as you are open and honest with the therapist and yourself.
- I like cats sometimes better than people.
- I would be a good vet assistant or care-giver.
- I have less anxiety when I am busy.
- I live and deal better when I am on my own.
- I can do chores better when I am by myself (at my own time and doing it my own way.)
- I’m sorry, but I am not a baby or kid person. (I rather have a fur-baby that purrs.)
- I have learned I hate to be controlled or told what to do. I do NOT deal with authority well.
- Distance is just a number when love is involved. (still makes me sad my “wolfie” is not here.)
- I secretly like to fold towels and peel potatoes.
- I do not like being treated like a 15 year old who needs a babysitter.
- Not driving really limits me. (But I am terrified of getting in an accident again.)
Why does it seem lately that everything seems better in my head?
In my head: I wanted to go out to all you can eat wing place for my birthday and then have presents and dark forest cake afterward with part of my family and a few friends. There were would be laughs and good time with everyone.
Reality: I had several cats naps, because my sleep schedule is way off. Then for dinner a store bought pizza that wasn’t bad, but not what I wanted. I wanted a dark forest cake (chocolate and cherries), but what I got was a pumpkin pie that was just okay.
In my head: I am cuddling and getting massages with my boyfriend and playing with my cat.
Reality: I’m helping my ex without my cat.
In my head: I am touring promoting my books and give huge universe lectures on how to write a novel.
Reality: I can’t even write in my diary. Damn writer’s block.
Reality Vs Fantasy: Sometimes reality sucks.
Did I do something wrong?
I do not regret making the decision to help my ex. I knew he needed my help and I feel appreciated for it.
I do; however, miss my furbaby, Elmo. I had to leave him behind.
He loved me, even though he was a biter. I always wore his bite marks proudly.
I feel bad. He is probably looking for me in the house. (If I could have taken him with me, I would have.)
Many say that cats don’t care, but he did. (My older cat Mona, did too.) They both knew my smell and would snuggle with me. They helped with my anxiety and depression. I love the sound of a cat’s purr.
He was one thing I was affectionate with. I miss him very badly. I just hope he is happy.
My Furbaby This is a blog of pics when he was a kitten.
This is what he looks like now.