Sigh. 

I am a dope. 

This summer. . .

  •  I’ve had ten cancelled dates. 
  • Been blown off  by dozens of cute guys (probably due to my weight)
  • Been lied to by a catfish
  • And been on dozens of dead end chats
  • Been blocked three times
  • Been ignored for politics 
  • Now I can say I’ve almost been scammed three times (I do not trust anyone who says itune cards.)

Aren’t there any cute, real, decent loyal guys left?

The more I talk to people, the more I like cats. 

I’m Attracted To. . .

Im attracted to.  . .

  • Positivity
  • Hope
  • Intelligence 
  • Creativity
  • Man who can clean, but does not complain about
  • A man to cook with
  • Cuddlers
  • Like PDA
  • A cat lover
  • Loves coffee
  • Artist
  • Sports lover
  • Writers
  • Readers
  • Understanding and patient of my health issues
  • Supportive
  • Semi romantic 
  • Likes shopping
  • Anyone who can truly make me laugh
  • Someone who tries to get me (I’m complicated, but at least they try.)
  • Ambition 
  • Fit
  • Spiritual (At least in a street kindness meaning doing good for others.)

The Small Things

 

1. A good cup of coffee
2. Candy
3. A Sweet text
4. Fried chicken
5. Soda-pop (pepsi)
6. New notebook
7. New colored pens
8. Clean clothes with tide
9. Clean sheets
10. First kiss
11. A good movie
12. A good book
13. Agood joke
14. Laughing
15. Not having to put groceries back at the register
16. Lilacs
17. Carnations
18. Writing a story
19. Finishing a writing project
20. Massage
21. Writing several blogs
22. A bubble bath
23. Going out
24. Ice cream
25. Cheesecake
26. Dark Forest Cake
27. Time to write
28. Music
29. Secretly dancing
30. Good night sleep
31. Energy
32. A good song
33. Friends
34. Family
35. Body Spray
36. a long drive
37. Coloring
38. drawing
39. Painting
40. Pie

Things that Happened in 2016

2016 was a very challenging year. I felt really stuck and trapped this year, so I really didn’t feel I accomplished that much. I mean I didn’t even finish a book: writing or reading. However I have learned a lot about myself.

My writing accomplishments link here. . . https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/12/30/what-happened-in-2016/

Things I accomplished in 2016

  1. I am working more on a day schedule. Eh, I know, but maybe I can figure out where to get more writing and editing in.
  2. I have gone to the doctor myself.
  3. I have gone to therapy by myself.
  4. I feel I have more energy.

Things I have learned in 2016

  1. I loved flavored coffee. (Mocha, coconut, caramel vanilla, and Chocolate raspberry are my favorite.)
  2. My cat will look all over the house when I am gone.
  3. I miss my cat very much.
  4. Therapy really works as long as you are open and honest with the therapist and yourself.
  5. I like cats sometimes better than people.
  6. I would be a good vet assistant or care-giver.
  7. I have less anxiety when I am busy.
  8. I live and deal better when I am on my own.
  9. I can do chores better when I am by myself (at my own time and doing it my own way.)
  10. I’m sorry, but I am not a baby or kid person. (I rather have a fur-baby that purrs.)
  11. I have learned I hate to be controlled or told what to do. I do NOT deal with authority well.
  12. Distance is just a number when love is involved. (still makes me sad my “wolfie” is not here.)
  13. I secretly like to fold towels and peel potatoes.
  14. I do not like being treated like a 15 year old who needs a babysitter.
  15. Not driving really limits me. (But I am terrified of getting in an accident again.)

Confession 22: Reality Vs Fantasy

Why does it seem lately that everything seems better in my head?

Examples:

#1
In my head:
I wanted to go out to all you can eat wing place for my birthday and then have presents and dark forest cake afterward with part of my family and a few friends. There were would be laughs and good time with everyone.

Reality: I had several cats naps, because my sleep schedule is way off. Then for dinner a store bought pizza that wasn’t bad, but not what I wanted. I wanted a dark forest cake (chocolate and cherries), but what I got was a pumpkin pie that was just okay.

#2
In my head:
I am cuddling and getting massages with my boyfriend and playing with my cat.

Reality: I’m helping my ex without my cat.

#3
In my head:
I am touring promoting my books and give huge universe lectures on how to write a novel.

Reality: I can’t even write in my diary.  Damn writer’s block.

 

Reality Vs Fantasy: Sometimes reality sucks.
Did I do something wrong?

Confession #21: Meow

I do not regret making the decision to help my ex. I knew he needed my help and I feel appreciated for it.

I do; however, miss my furbaby, Elmo. I had to leave him behind.

He loved me, even though he was a biter.  I always wore his bite marks proudly.

I feel bad. He is probably looking for me in the house. (If I could have taken him with me, I would have.)

Many say that cats don’t care, but he did. (My older cat Mona, did too.) They both knew my smell and would snuggle with me. They helped with my anxiety and depression. I love the sound of a cat’s purr.

He was one thing I was affectionate with. I miss him very badly. I just hope he is happy.

My Furbaby This is a blog of pics when he was a kitten.

This is what he looks like now.

Confession 21: I’m An Adult who. . .

I am adult who doesn’t like babies or kids.

I’ve learned that I am not a baby person! Truth is I’m not even a kid person anymore. I’m afraid of hunting small babies. I freak out when someone wants me to hold them. I also cannot puke or spit up. I am horrified of dropping them and hurting their soft spot.  I was good with toddlers until they would run from me and split their head on the end table. (Happened to me twice)

I have health issues and due to my mental & emotional issues, I have zero patience for whinny, kids or crying babies!  In fact, I have anxiety & depression, do you really want that around your impressible young minds??

I used to be good with kids. I used to be able to get most kids to do whatever I wanted; with just my imagination and story time.  I could change a diaper with my eye closed. (I was tired enough that I may have.)
However my ex-stepmother pushed my younger brothers on me. (I love them, and I will go to hell and back for them, even now at 21 and 17.)  At 12, I was cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of brothers, and homework plus volleyball and basketball. I can’t remember when I slept.
Then in college I would take care of my 5 year old brother and my 1 year old brother between work and school. (Again I don’t remember seeping much!)
Then during church, I kept getting pushed into doing nursery duty for my ex-stepmother and then her friends’ shifts. I went to church once for three month and never saw a service.
I got burnt out of babies and kids! All of my 20’s I said I didn’t want kids. Then I tried to major in education in college to appease my dad. (He wanted me to have a stable job. I fell in love with music I move writing (opposite of stable right?)) That major last about two semesters before the college kept changing their classes and telling me the classes I took didn’t count. I have an Associates of Arts.

With my last ex (we were together 8 years) I had many times where my body thought it was pregnant. I even had believed I had a miscarriage, and I still have horrible nightmares over what I had passed in the bathroom. (I will keep you readers from the gross details.)

I had a doctor tell me I would be a high risk pregnancy because of my immune system and my hormonal imbalances. I am 90% sure I will never had a kid. And I am okay with that! I want fur-babies that meow and purr. If I had good money, I would have a cat sanctuary.

Between being burnt out and my health issues, now can others see where I do not want to be around babies and kids?

I like sleeping in. I like having ice cream for dinner or have dinner at 9pm. I like watching movies with adult scenes. I like to cuss, damn-it! I like sex with someone I am in a committed relationship with. I love uninterrupted time to write!

My problem is I currently live with family, and they just got a baby. (Sighs)