Trying to write more

I am trying my best to write more about myself. . .

2020 was a trying year. . .

1. I had such bad writer’s block that I barely got role-playing and journaling in . . . .everything else (writing wise) I was completely blocked or I had to force it. (My boyfriend and writing partner helped me amazingly to get something out, but nothing got finished.) My writing updates will be here https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com
2. I gain the 19 pounds that I had lost in 2019 and gained extra. (It’s more frustrating.) If I get one more damn doctor claiming that weight lost is the cure all, I will scream. Yes, I am trying my best to simply slow down on my soda, but produce does not hold as well as rice and pasta. It’s hard to go for a walk with a mask on, breathing.
3. I did pray a lot but I still have depression mixed with being stuck inside due to the quarantine.
4. I was paranoid going out due to the viral pandemic. (Shopping wasn’t that fun anymore. I feel bad for local businesses. I am afraid to go to the doctor because I might get the virus. I have several family members with weak immune systems.)
5. The masks are causing teeth and breathing issues. (I am avoiding the dentist, because the last time he tried to fix my teeth the three doses of Novocaine did not work. A drill without Novocaine is excruciating. My lower jaw is way more sensitive.)
6. I will admit that I went through a lot of drama this year. (I hope I am wiser and stronger this year. I also am in a very complicated relationship, but I will not give it up for the world.)
7. I am trying to how to find my own happiness and self-love. (I learned you need to help yourself before you can truly help others. I am also working on my spiritual way.)

I hope to write more here as soon as I can, but I also want to write a few short stories this weekend.

It is so simple

Find the things that bring enjoyment and happiness. . .

• Seek those happy activities.
• Try to do one thing each day that makes you happy, even if it’s just 5 minutes with a cup of coffee
• I’ve listed my happiness activities, things and events
• Focus on things that bring you joy
• Focus on getting rid of things that don’t make you happy

Yes, it really is that simple.

Why do I make it so complicated?

I wasn’t on here all November

I’ve been busy. . .

1. Working on Nanowrimo I explain more about it on my writing blog: http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com
2. Dealing with health issue: sleep issues, female issues, migraine, sinuses, and gout
3. Weekly Errands
4. Working on a writing project for a friend
5. Trying to find friends that understand me
6. Cooking
7. Sleeping
8. Seeing doctors
9. Thanksgiving

Days 29 to 31

I’m trying to better myself

Day 29: What do you think of your teeth and your smile? Do you like them and if so, why? If not, how can you view them more positively?

I used to love my teeth. When I was young I had them capped due to issues I had when I slept, but the caps started to chip a few years back. I need to get them done again, but my dentist is pushing every procedure but it.Sigh.

I used to sing and I used to have a big toothy smile, but now not so much.

My face is the first thing people usually noticed about me and yes i do have teeth problems, but majority are in the back of my mouth. I’m very apprehensive about the whole thing. I hate pain, and many times my teeth hurt

Day 30 Validation is important to our self-esteem. Do others encourage you? If not, what are some ways that you can ask them to so your self-esteem.

My family does help and those who read my writing and blog. . That comment really help my self esteem. It feels like a confirmation that I’m meant to be writing. (Esspecially when I have those who thinks it’s unstable and I’m wasting time writing too much.)

I give myself goals and rewards for myself.

Day 31. Rate your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10?

It was -5 on my lowest day, but currently I’m at 7.

Has your self-esteem improved?

I have learned about myself. I’ve also learned that I am valuable. My sleep issues make my depression and anxiety feel bigger than they are.

Days 26 & 27

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

Day 26: When was the last time you were too hard on yourself? What do you think you could have done to treat and comfort yourself instead?

It was last February, I told by this guy I had met before, he was going to be at a diner we were meeting at, so I ordered a quesadilla waiting for him. He never showed and I had to use my family’s laundry money for that week.

I didn’t get another for myself for months as by felt bad. I haven’t been on a date since as I feel if I cant afford to take myself out, then I can’t date.

My family barely makes it was into week, I don’t feel I can comfort myself until My health is better and In have no idea when that is.

Day 27: What is the main barrier to you having positive self-esteem? How can you break free from it?

My current living situation and health issues, energy, weight, and loneliness are my barriers from me seeing thing in a constant positive outlook in life.

I feel my landlords keep putting rule after rule (some I feel are unjustified), I feel smothered. Now they are posting that they can deny it kick a person out for any reason. (My family pays on time, but I’m very moody and opinionated and I’m afraid one I’m going to blow up emotionally and get my family kicked out. I feel like my mood swing make me unlikable and unattractive.)

My other health issues have made me more introverted . . . I’ve been called bad and mean names for my weight and it hurts. Ive been struggling to lose weight because of the hormones I’m on.

I also felt like a failure because I couldn’t appease or make other family members proud. I’ve always been a black sheep, but I currently said screw it, I’m me, I love my writing, and it’s not my job to make others happy. The only person I can make happy is me.

note: I have been seeing doctors and I am working on my health. I hope by next year to get out more.

Days 24 and 25

Day 24 and 25

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

Note: the main person who posted the questions was away from her computer yesterday, so I decided to post Day 24 the way she had posted the previous days and she messaged me asking if I would like to write posts for the page. (Dances! I know it’s not a paying thing, but it helps my writing resume.)

Day 24: Do you compare yourself to others? How can you be more focused on yourself?

I used to all of the time, and sometimes when I’m sleep deprived I still will. (I’m horrible with Facebook and looking up old school mates. I see their hopeful,my healthy families and busy lives and wonder if kids are worth it. I have so many mood and mental issues, I’m afraid I would ruin a boyfriend . . . I know I would screw up a kid. Sighs.)

I try to focus on things I love Writing, cooking, and cats.

Day 25: If you met a person that was just like you, would you like them? If so, why? If not, how could you view the person more positively?

I would find myself interesting and if can both remain calm we would have some good conversations. However i do NOT have the patience for myself. (I really don’t know how my family does it with my grotchiness and mood swings.)

I rather communicate to them through writing. If they are me we would both be doing online at 3 am in the morning.

My own defintions

I’m on http://www.7cups.com and they ask me to define the following words. . .

Depression, sadness, pain, mental illness, and mental health:

depression is stuck in a state of sadness or negativity, sometimes it paralyzing

sadness lack or losing happiness like a balloon losing air

pain uncomfort or a moment which the mind cannot understand the body

mental illness the accumulation of knowledge to know within the mind something is wrong (Note: I never said normal, that is just a setting on appliances)

mental health is knowledge and ways to improve and make the mental state of mind calmer, possibly better

In addition

Anxiety when repeating thought haunt me so much, they twist themselves into bigger worries than they really are

Day 23: Hopeful Outcome

Day 23: What is your ideal outcome of this challenge?

I’m trying to better myself

1. To learn more about myself.

2. Look at the world more positively.

3. Maybe to spark my creative inspiration for writing (90% of my life evolves around writing, for those who don’t I’m a struggling writer first and everything else second. . . http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com is my writing blog.)

Days 19 to 22

I’m trying to better myself

I’m sorry, but due time issues and sleep problems I’ve put the last four days together.

Day 19: Do you have an activity that makes you feel alive and good within yourself?

1. Writing

2. Playing with Cats

3. Cooking

4 playing games: SIM or jeopardy

5. Music

Day 20: Has your self-esteem improved with doing this challenge? If so, how?

I learned I’m stronger than I thought. I can find the good in me if I just tried a bit more.

I would answer more, but I’ve been fighting sleep issues

Day 21: Name at least 5 things that you are good at.

1. Writing

2. Cooking

3. Shopping

4. Singing

5. Managing. . . Schedules, planning , to-do lists

Day 22: Which of your skills or abilities do you pride yourself on?

I am proud of this skills

My writing

My baking

My cat care

My cooking

My scheduling and list making skills

Day 18: Talking

Day 18: Do you like the way you talk? If so, why? If not, how can you view it more positively?

https://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/im-trying-to-better-myself-2/

If you know me, I can swear and I’m not pc. (I Wil not cuss around those I know don’t like it or if I have to sound professional.) However I am so honest that many people stop asking questions. . .if you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask me.

I can’t be blunt, but whether people want to hear, sometimes they need to hear.

I try to be positive when I think and talk, I just find negative people trying to burst my bubble