Why am I analyzing myself with the questionnaire questions and articles from Eharmony?
Note: for those who do not know Eharmony is a Christian online date site which uses many questions to figure out your just right partner if they have that person online too.
So why am I doing this (especially when I failed their questionaire twice and was kicked off the site once when I said I thought I was bi-curious.)
First, I I usually overanalyze most things and dating is not different. Some things I’ve overanalyzed, I’ve gotten right and other things I’ve learned from.
Second, I’m not doing this to date (yet), but I hope to learn more about myself. (If I find friends who get me or maybe Mr. Right-for-me, then awesome. I’m here to learn first.)
Third, I really love answering questions and talking surveys and quizzes about myself.
My mom used to tell that . . . “Opposite attract.” That might be right in science, but mom and dad were opposites and they didn’t last. (Its also probably why I argue with myself too. J/k lol.)
I think for partners, there needs some similarities and some differences to keep things interesting p. As long as they keep communication open and honest, that is what is most important.
I need to know myself and get my “stuff” together before I can get someone else involved in the chaotic fun that is me. Lol.
My emotions feel like I have been in the crappiest amusement park . . .
My depression had me stuck on a rollercoaster that just kept dipping lower and lower and for a while wouldn’t let me off the damn ride.
Once I get off, I just get on a ride having me go in circles.
I finally get to the back of park, to get on another rollercoaster which gets stuck on the top and doesn’t go down. Angry, I had to get off and walk down the stairs.
However I realize by the time, I get down, I wasn’t angry anymore but just relived.
Then by the time, I got some ice cream, a corn dog and soda. . . And won a few stuffed animals. . . I belted out of the park.
This was a metaphor. . .
I was in a bad place, but I have been writing a release book, Making myself face all of the thoughts and emotions in my head.
I’ve learned a few things. . .
- There are a few things that make me happy.
- There are people that support me.
- This situation isn’t as bad as I have it in my head.
- Hope is a very good thing.
- Coffee is liquid hope.
- Creative cooking is fun.
- I am responsible for me and my life.
- Helping is ok to expect nothing in return.
- I’m not selfish for fixing and advancing myself.
- Bad things happen, but we pick ourselves up and move on.
- I need to let go and move on.
- I love to write.
- Word count by December 31, 2018 (400,000)
Finish “Driving Lies“
- Get my computer fixed
- Get a new cord for my computer
- Fixed my sleep apnea
- Help mom with diet
- Walk three times a week
- Work on getting a daily word count of 3000
- Work on wattpad account
- Write more stories
- Research and get a new place
- Publish something
- Work on personal project
- Post up to 200 blogs this year (among all my blogs)
Succeed in camp Nanowrimo April 30k
- Succeed in camp Nanowrimo July 30k
- Succeed in Nanowrimo November 50k
- Figure out who I am
Note: some of this list will repeat on my writing goals on my writing http://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com
My Bad Habits
1. “I’m sorry.” I will say it even if I did nothing wrong. If the situation is wrong or bad. “I’m sorry.” Are the few words that come out of my mouth as if it’s my fault, it rained or that hot woman didn’t like you. It’s a bad force of the habit. I am the oldest of my siblings… and if something went wrong … it was my instant go to.
However I will not simply accept “I’m sorry,” or flower (I prefer candy or notebooks and pens.) for an apology especially if a person does not tell me what they are sorry about.
2. Over thinking… I question everything and if I have to rethink my questions and ideas … I wonder if my original ideas were right or wrong… I have talked myself out dates, meeting people, new experiences, jobs, writing projects. Please do NOT make me rethink my ideas.
I try myself to follow my hunches (gut), hearts, and then head… in that order.
3. I’m too soft. I feel I give in to easily, because I do not want to be alone. I have done stuff or meet people that I know don’t fit just because I want to get out. I need to stop this.
4. I keep blaming my health. I got dealt a weird and weak hand with life. I have to stop blaming myself for bad health and get creative. My health can impact my moodiness. I really need to stop hiding behind my health problems.
5. I can be lazy. I can write for hours or walk over a mile but I hate to clean. I simply blame my laziness. My laziness can talk me out of doing things… it’s hard to motivate myself when I simply do not want to do something.
6. I love food, and it can be a weakness such as going to my favorite restaurant. I love to cook, bake, and having nice dinner parties (nothing fancy just friends, food, games and movies.) It is a weakness to me, and lately it’s one of my only motivation which is sad.
I need to face my weaknesses…
- Food and shopping. (I love shopping whether it’s for fun or I have a list and goals.)
- Feeling guilty after bitchiness even someone deserves it. (I should only feel guilty if the person did not purposely push my buttons.)
- Loneliness vs being semi-social. (I have to understand not everyone has such an open schedule like I do. However there are time where I am simply tired, focused, or just too drained than to talked to people.)
After my semi vanilla relations, (Oct to Dec (2017)) . . . I’ve learned I cannot not go vanilla, but I do want to date and cuddle.
I want a positive, ambitious submissive boyfriend. (I do not want a mindless drone or a complainer.)
However I’m slowly learning that life or fate will never put you in the wrong spot. I learned I need to let life do it’s thing. I should not push because I feel desperately lonely.
I’ve learned life will put in me in the right place, at the right time, even if I’m confused in the present.
I just need to do my thing and Mr. Right will be there when I probably least expect it.
Meanwhile I should enjoy my life: good writing, good family, and good friends.
I just to realize I will find that genuine people that I’m into, but they are not into me. I’m not everyone’s favorite soda-pop or cup of tea.
I simply need to move on and focus and believe life knows what it is doing.
My sleep schedules are really off. . .
If I fall asleep between 7 pm and 9pm will be up by the latest 2am and my schedule is completely off.
Then I usually write 2am until 8 am and the light has known to give me migraines. Grrr.
However my body loves to sleep between the hours of 7am to 1pm (or if anyone wants to text me in the morning. )
If I get at least a good five to nine hours, I write well.
Ideally I would love to go to bed 3am and wake up by 10am and write 12pm to 5pm, but my muses have different ideas.
I try to find just a few hours for myself.
Can’t I just have six hours for out time and 18 hours of active time?
I’m usually tired all of the time.
I have to thank whom ever made caffeine my best friend. I love coffee and my Pepsi.