A Healthy Balance

My health is like balancing on a high wire. 

Yesterday I had low blood sugar spell. . . tired, sore, cranky. 

It was 72. I had a few sugar cubes and it went  up to 138 and 150. I work my best at 120. However I have no figured how to balance it just well yet. 

However I love my soda, chocolate, and coffee. 

Just don’t want my damn diabetes to destroy my love of food. 

Being on best behavior

When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior. 

1. No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
2. I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
3. No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
4. Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
5. Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
6. Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite) 
7. No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
8. Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.) 
9. Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
10. Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)

I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me. 

I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have. 

I feel judged

First of all, I have been to three doctors for my diabetes. It is documented on both sides of my family. I have done my fair share of this disease and asked my doctors what I can’t and can have. I have been boardline since I was in my teens. 

I have watched the sugar. I have done the diet groups. I have done the fad diets. These do not change my a1c. The thing is once a holiday comes around, my family (especially my father’s side know how to cook amazingly awesome and very rich food and sugar and pounds come back really fast. Also those fad diets only have you really lose water weight.)

I am on the board line numbers, so my latest doctor has given meds for diabetes, but I have noticed dizziness and foot problems.

 I was talking to a guy, and I was into him. However it was like once I said I had diabetes, he was like ewww. What the hell?

My feet are sore, they are not ugly. My weight has been and issues, but diabetes has  victims of people of all sizes. I do not have it extreme, and I am trying my best to make it doesn’t happen. 

I’ve been judged over my weight, my height, my glasses, my love of cats, my mood swings, but now for a genetic disease I can’t control. This is crazy and wrong, very wrong. 

Confession 20

10 Food Confessions

1. You will get grumpy me, if you tell me I cannot eat something. Growing up, I got the “I’m saving that.” Or “It’s for your father.” Now that I am adult I when people tell I can’t enjoy myself with food, it makes me mad.
2. I am borderline diabetic: I know I need to watch my sugar and carbs.
3. I get very sleepy when I overeat. I love and hate holidays for that reason.
4. I love candy! I usually always have candy. (I did in school, and most people know it.)
5. I hate to count calories; I rather count words. I have written over 1,000 words today. (I also seem to love food with higher calories. Big Mac have close to 1000 calories.)
6. My three ultimate comfort foods: mashed potatoes and beef gravy, lasagna, and extra cheesy bacon mac n cheese. (All have carbs. I also like a salad with everything.)
7. I have cut back on my soda to once a day. (I’ve been pretty good.)
8. I love when people get excited over my food.
9. Three foods I hate: Canned peas, canned spinach, and liver
10. If I cannot get thin, then I am making the rest of the world fat with my food.

 

Health issues: More than just a cough

I’ve had some serious health issues and lately they keep playing a roller coaster of unpredictability with me. Anyway I thought I had serious case of diabetes-I’ve been tired all of the time. I’m been sluggish lack of focus I snappy, emotional, drained, nauseated, constantly thirsty, dizzy, and frequent urination. All of these symptoms mixed with day to day errand and chores was crushing me

I got some blood work done to find out I am still boarder line diabetic. However my blood was low especially my red blood cells. Just over half what they are supposed to be. Sotho doctor gave me iron and vitamins they help but no one knows why my blood count is so low it could be female issues which is what I really believe. However I am still running more tests.

Some days I’m good and some days and I’m just plain exhausted. I hate sleeping for 12 plus hours, whether it 12 hours straight or 6 hours here, 2 hours here and 4 hours there. I want to sleep less and write more why won’t my body work with me?

 

I also have moments of depression and anxiety still . . . my stepmom just doesn’t stop from the moment she gets up to the moment she goes to bed. . . how the f*ck does she do it? The thing is I feel guilty when I cannot keep up with her, but my anemia barely lets me have a normal schedule. 9 times out of 10, if I am up but 9am, I am either napping until noon or I am out by 9pm. She gets up by 11am and doesn’t go to bed until 2am.
The snow has started to come in, and now everyone has colds. I can feel my body trying to fight, but I still get a running nose and sneezing. This pushes me back even more . . . I can write with a cold, but physical stuff is hard.

Bloody Birthday

I am turning 33 today, and all I can think of is the idea that I probably have diabetes. . . (in fact, I am 90% sure, I do.)

Why does it have to be right before the cookie season?

Why does orange juice sound so good?

Grrrr. . .  why me? Yeah, yeah, I know it’s stupid genetics. I have it on both sides.

When will I ever get to have my cake and eat it too? (Even the sugar-free cake makes my blood sugar goes up . . . *Screams*)

Why are the damned fates taking away my sweets and carbs?

I think it wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t have writer’s block too.