Being on best behavior

When first dating, I was always told you in need to bring your best foot forward and be on your best behavior. 

1. No burping on purpose. (Mouth closed and always say “Excuse me.”)
2. I have to hold my farts. (It really hurts to hold it back. It makes the stomach upset. I try to get to the bathroom to release gas, but the whole damn thing is embarrassing.)
3. No garlic or onion breath. (Always have gum or mints or candy )
4. Don’t eat out of plate in yesterdays clothes with mismatched socks. (You know you have done it or a variation . Lol)
5. Watch how much you cuss or yell at the tv with bad sports calls. (I was raised with brothers who enjoyed sports.
6. Be polite (9 times out 10, I am polite) 
7. No being moody or b*itchy (it is hard to hold back PMS if they are jerk.)
8. Watch my weirdness and creativity (It can scare off “normal” people.) 
9. Need to shave all of the right spots. (It feels nice, but is a lot of work.)
10. Dress up. (I know that guys want me to dress up, but it is not me. Unless you have a extremely nice place to take me, then there is no point in me dressing up.)

I am not sure if there is a guy worth all of this energy. I mean most of my best behavior isn’t really me. 

I am honest and can be a rough on the edges, but I am best damn loyal girlfriend you’ll ever have. 

Wish. . .

I wish I could post more positive stuff and feel happy. Blah.

I wish I didn’t feel like a wholy deflated balloon in a dried up mud puddle just stuck. Eh. 

I wish I could sleep right and not wake up every other hour nauseated. Sigh. 

I wish I could be cuddling with a cute guy who is psyched about me while we are petting cuddly kittens together binging netflix with a buffet of soda and snack foods. Please. 

I wish I was sitting a desk with my favorite coffee working on my writing, feeling: confident, motivated, and focus. Yes.

I wish I had the money to help several communities that have helped me. Hope.