Right now I wish . . .

I wish I was sitting in a huge bath tub, soaking in a hot bubbly bath. With a hot tea just mediating with healing vibes.  


Deal Breakers

Deal breakers

  • Cat Haters 
  • Smokers
  • Kids
  • Extreme pain
  • Abusive tempers
  • And biggest one liars 


I cannot handle liars and the Internet is full of them. 

Doms pretending to be a sub so they wrestle another dom for a power struggle. . . It’s like a secret turn on to them. 

Catfishing pretending to be someone else. . . Fake pics, fake facts, why are you doing this?

Saying you’re single when you have a girlfriend or wife and kids.  (I’M seeking a submissive boyfriend, I want your entire attention. I will not be second rate or just a play toy.)


If you are any of those, please leave me alone


Chatting games

I try not to play the “hard to get” chatting games. 

I’m trying to be more open in the dating pool, but I know what I want and yet the doors are current closed. 

So I chat, but then guy gets aggressive even at my polite pushing away. 

  • “I’m not into your interests.
  • “I need to go to bed”
  • “We don’t live close, I’m seeking someone local. “
  • “I do not want just a chat, I want a real life relationship.”

 If I tell exactly how I see it, I sound like a b*tch

  • “I see us talking online, but then you will lie or be aggressive about something you really want and make me uncomfortable.” (Pusher)
  • “You’ll talk to me try to get pic and get off or I say no and you go on the the next easy chatter. You won’t chat again or if you do you ask for more pics.” (Pic weasel because the term I want to use is not nice)
  • “We chat for a few days, until either one say that is deal breaker ” (delayed dealbreaker I ask my deal breaking issues on chat 1.)
  • Chat, one date,  no call (fearful brats)

    I want a text, chat to continue after the first date, and then second and a third date etc. 

    If I don’t think we are going to be at least friends, then why are we even chatting? 

    Depression strikes again. 

    I’m exhausted. Sleep only happens in single cycles of 3 hours maybe more, here and there.

    I’ve had nightmares, panic attacks and depression fighting me all weekend. 

    Nightmares of being abandoned and lost and confused.  (My chest is getting tight just thinking of it.)

    Past coming back to literally haunt me, but migraines beating me instead. Past on hold. 

    Chest heavy, breathing hard, panic catching in my throat. 

    Stomach turns, food comes from helping hands, but doesn’t help.  

    That is my weekend. I did manage to get to write pieces here and there. There is a light. 

    Overthinking and I think I know why. . .

    I am unbalanced. (Okay, you can stop laughing now.)

    • But the thing is that I do walk with my heart on my sleeve,
    •  and I want to help everyone, 
    • and I feel guilty whenever I ask for something

    However learned a few things (Not even in school. . . Lol.)

    I have learned

    • If I look at things logically, I’m responsible, but I have no fun. 
    • If I just wig it, I have even more anxiety than if I plan it.
    • Letting go is way harder to do, and you may have to do over and over until you get it. 
    • Music uplifts my mood.
    • Small things count. 
    • It is ok to ask for things.
    • Do not judge someone, you have never been in there head or in their shoes. 
    • I’m not really alone. 

    I need to stop over analyzing and just enjoy the moment

    I want an original idea

    Stop already with the remakes of movies and the old shows trying to come back. 

    Why are we doing remakes of these movies?

    • It
    • The Shinning 
    • Carrie
    • Flatliners 

    Do those shows have to come BACK?

    • Roseanne
    • King of Queens  (under a different name)
    • Will and Grace

      Give me an original idea

      We need movies like

      • Forest Gump 
      • Sixth sense
      • Beetlejuice 

      I like the shows. . .

      •  the Cabin
      •  the Middle
      •  Big Bang Theory
      •  2 Broke Girls
      • Catfish
      • Izombie
      •  Angie Tribeca. 

      They all have their own uniqueness to them.

      I feel like Hollywood is going to the recycle bin. 

      We didn’t need three CSI or a bunch of Law and Orders. 

      What I want. . . In texting. . .

      I want my submissive boyfriend cuddly, obedient, and semi-clingy. 
      I want to hear from them several times throughout the day.
      I’m not a morning person BUT I love morning messages. . .
      Like. . .
      “I woke up this morning and thought of you. . .”
      “I had a wild dream of you. ”
      “Wish you were talking a shower with me ”

      OR day time messages. . .
      “Just got out of work. . . Thing of you.”
      “Wish you were here”
      “Hugs and/or kisses”

      I sleep better with night messages
      “Wish you were here to cuddle with me”
      “Wanted to wish you a good night”
      “Miss you honey”

      It’s obedience to keep constant with the texting, but I want them to mean it. (I’m not into guys  who don’t communicate.)

      I want a guy who thinks of me and excited to be with me. I know that guys can be interested in more that just naughty things because I’ve had a few who were interested in me for me. Time and distance pulled us apart. Sigh.

      The dating game

      I’m starting to think my dating life is like rounds of Mahjongg. You don’t know if when start the game if you are going to win, lose, have one, two or three stars. 

      Sometimes the pairs are easy, like problems or events with the latest boyfriend. However there are harder pieces to find like the big fights that change how you see everything. 

      What irks me is when the exact pieces are under each other and it’s like problems that cannot be fixed. Grrrrrr. 

      Sometime you need to step away, scatter the pieces, if you are that lucky, or walk away for good from the mess. However what counts that you had a good time while you played.